Published September 22, 2007
Have you ever wanted to cry?
I've been there.
Have you ever wanted to kill?
I've done that.
I know your mother said
To stay away from me,
But the truth is
That I can help.
I would never think
Of hurting you
Or making you do
Something you didn't want to.
You may think that
My ways are wrong,
But it's the way I was raised.
There's nothing I can change.
Just take my hand,
And let me help you up
From the ground where
You've been crying.
I said I'd be here for you
And that promise still holds true.
Let me be the big sister
That you wanted yours to be.
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141,470 Literary Works • 674,492 Reviews
I'm a big sister and I know my mother tells my younger sister to not grow up like me! Harsh. Naturally I liked this and my sister does too.
To improve it you could have the stanzas in two lines rather than four as it flows much better.
nice, i really liked this too.
i dont have a big sister instead i have the oppisite: a little brother
but this makes me think of how i act.
its a very touching poem
keep up the good work!
vince
i really liked this, i am sure that anyone who reads your poem will in someway, connect with it. very well written. keep writing.
I echo everyone else. I cannot tell from personal experience (I have an older brother, does that count?). But this was sweet, sad, touching, and happy =
Anyway, keep up the good work,
-- M.B.Author
This is a really cute poem.
By the end, it was cheery.
I think your flow from line to line was a little iffy, it just didn't flow nicely. You did a lot of telling, too, which doesn't help to get your point across. I prefer poetry with imagery, metaphors, you know? And this is just telling. It has a really good message, but poetically it's kind of lacking. I'm not sure what direction you would want to go in to fix that, but it's something to consider.
Best of luck!
I loved this. It was sweet, without being sentimental, and sad. The flow of emotion and wording was just right. It was like, the girl knew she had made mistakes and didn't want her little sister to make the same ones. You captured exactly what POSS (protective older sister syndrome) is all about.
I loved this actually, it made me think about my relationship with my own big sister; how they always do something which your mother tells you is wrong, but when it comes round to you doing it, they're there to say; dont.
Your flow and structure worked well and I loved the concpet and emotion throughout. Good job.