Published July 8, 2010
Thoughts? Please be easy on me!
don't choose to let the music fade
the expression of feelings
the fabric of relationships
the best of sayings are said for a reason
are they not?
if you love something, set it free
but what if, just what if...
in this new-found freedom
they happen upon the next best thing?
does repetitive speaking make it true?
when self-doubt and consciousness run rampant
there can be no logic in the comfort of old sayings
just hope
hope that there will be disappointment in their future
hope that they will return to your arms
brokend and shattered, but willing
always willing...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
Thank you very much!
Hiya Lindabelle, and welcome to YWS!
I like this, but I think you could make it a little bit better. When you describe the expression of feelings and the fabric of relationships, are you saying that they are made for a reason, or are you just throwing them out there as independent clauses? I'm not quite sure, and a little bit of punctuation might make that clearer.
You have a little typo there; it should be "broken." I adore this part, though. I wasn't crazy about the beginning of the poem, but when I read the rest I just fell for it. For some reason I love poems that pick apart old sayings. It's almost like they're the opposite of cliche. The expression is the cliche, the poem simply takes advantage of it. Wonderful job, and I'd like to see you write more (but do a little reviewing, too).