Published July 8, 2010
This is the End.
trying to see through the fog
just a glimpse of your face
your one with the shadows
your lost in space...
this choice is your own
and with it you'll go
there's no looking back
there's no looking back...so
this is the end and I must confess
this is not what I pictured
with our lives a mess
I don't expect you to call
don't expect you to care
I gave us my all...
never expecting to fall
never expecting to fall
your eyes were so pleading
saying you must understand
but my heart was breaking
thinking too much to demand
you picked up your bags
with steel in your heart
said I'll always love you
then left in the dark
my legs gave way
I fell to the floor
screamed you never cared
at least you don't anymore
this is the end and I must confess
this is not what I pictured
with our lives a mess
I don't expect you to call
don't expect you to care
I gave us my all
never expecting to fall
but fall I did
never fell so hard
could it be your the one
who meant it all?
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141,449 Literary Works • 674,461 Reviews
Thank you very much! I'm trying my hand at poems, but really I love to write stories, although I have difficulty finishing them
Hello! I am Jessica and I will be reviewing this today!
I am going to start with grammar and spelling mistakes. The mistakes are explained after each line. : )
Not sure I fully understand this line and the one above. Did you mean, Could it be, You're the one who meant it all? Wording?
Okay, so overall I thought it was a beautiful poem. You can PM me if you have any questions. Keep writing! You're very good!
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james it is
no problem,call me James
why thank you jamesMarcus! that means a lot
hello my name is James!
and i am here to give you an A+ on you'r work. i think i really got lost in the theme of the poem, it was incrediable how you described the topic of the end in a poem and that is sometimes hard to do! well done i like the poem and so i like it on YWS!
Persephoneia: Thank you! It was one of my earlier peices, I'm still trying to find the proper flow for my poems. I will attempt to broaden my vocabulary in the next one
I think that this was a good piece- it was full to the brim with emotion. However, I think it could benefit from a wider word choice. It would make this poem more unique, something that stands out more. Overall, good piece. Nice job. C: