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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi!
I've never thought about the clouds this way! Definitely opens your eyes to look at the little things that we often take for granted in life, and you do an amazing job at zooming on certain scenes that really stick with you, your imagery is fantastic
1. Which image in the poem is the most striking to you?
"Glum windows
gradually forced to wakefulness
by orange lighting
and a star-speckled tree
left up through January."
It's a very vivid picture; the tree left up because you can't find the time (or can't be bothered) to take it down as you try and cling on to the very last remnants of Christmas....
2. Which lines could the poem do without?
This was tricky: the poem is a great length, and each line helps the story unfold. If i had to be harsh and choose one, maybe "by orange lighting"? Then again, I
3. Is there anything that seems missing or underdeveloped?
This poem is very well thought through, and unless you had a certain issue with its flow, i think it's great how it is!
Cheers! Thanks for putting such a great work out
- humblebard
Thanks for reviewing!
I enjoyed reading your interpretation of the Christmas tree image. That's a good thought too about the "orange lighting" line. Thanks again!
hi y til animal! it tis i, herb reviewing your piece of poetry! i'll divide this review by question.
-1: which image in the poem is the most striking to you?
I love nature as a whole in poetry. Somethinf about talking about clouds at the start, and ending with clouds made the whole poem more... electric (haha pun)
but between the two, i'd say
was more striking (like lightning!)
-2: Which lines could the poems do without?
i don't really see any lines it could do without but...
-2.5: Which lines would I replace?
i would probably switch out "endless wriggling lines" to something that talks more about the stationaryness of the airport
something like "and it stays stationary, but it is not a station"
-3: Is there anything that seems missing or undeveloped?
I don't think so! You do go back to christmas trees though. >.> wonder what the symbolism is there.
-conclusion
i have not read much of your poems, but now i'm thinking i should! I loved this so, SO much.
Thanks Lim!
-herbert
Thanks for the review, herbert!
That's a good point about the "endless wriggling lines". I went for Christmas trees since many people associate them with feelings of nostalgia and the airport "stews in old memories". Thanks again!