Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so this was a pretty solid opening chapter I think. You've got a pretty interesting premise here, certainly not the direction I was expecting a story with this title to go in but it was by no means disappointing either.
Anyway let's get right to it,
When I learned that I had two hearts, I was seven years old. It was a small heart to the right of my actual heart, right by my sternum. I still remember my parents sitting me down on the couch, explaining how it all worked. They wanted me to have surgery to get it removed, but at the time the doctors all thought it was too risky. The extra heart didn’t cause any complications, never strained my other heart and actually increased blood flow for my body, so what was the harm in keeping it? I lived a pretty epic childhood, thinking I was some type of mutant grown in a lab as an experiment. Kids’ imaginations, am I right?
Fast forward about eleven years and I’m eighteen years old. I just began dating my best friend. Life couldn’t be better, I started college, moved out of my parents' house and am studying to be a reporter. It’s all pretty great. I haven’t had much heartbreak in my life. Granted I’ve been through my own set of emotional roller coaster rides, but so far, I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever wanted. The great guy, the good grades, the dream jobs. I mean...everything. And my grandmother, she was always superstitious. She believed in fairytales, and who does that? At eighty-one years old, she always told me that people have hearts that belong to someone that they hadn’t met yet, and that would be their soulmate.
Hmm...this is a fun little introductory ramble here. Normally this sort of start tends to be rather slow, but considering what the main feature here seems to be about this protagonist it seems this part does need to be highlighted a bit so that we know what's about to happen. So, in that case, this works out well I think to be a neat little setup piece of sorts for what is to come.
“But you have it hard.” She’d say,” You have two. So that means two soulmates. When you get old enough to learn what love is, young lady, you’ll feel both moves, but not simultaneously because each heart belongs to someone different.”
I played along, but knew it was an old wives’ tale, nothing more. I mean, we are in the 21st century, who listens to stuff that isn’t science right? I never believed her, and as years passed by with the man that I loved. Two years passed, three, then four and my grandmother’s words became just that, a fairytale that collected dust in the attic of my mind, forgotten, ignored...myth.
Until it wasn’t.
Ohhh....well its not exactly the biggest of twists there, but its a nice little buildup to how something that appears to be just a whimsical tale by a grandmother but then suddenly becomes reality. Its a lovely little magical touch on things here.
I met him at the downtown coffee shop that was a frequent hub of college students. I was so heavily into my work that I had no idea that he had walked in until he was standing in front of me.
“Aren’t you the one that’s always at football?” He asked, startling me out of the homework stupor I had put myself in. I looked up over the rim of my glasses.
“Yes, why do you ask?” I replied, nodding. He leaned against the pillar next to the table. His eyes pierced through my annoyance and curiosity.
“I thought it was you, but I didn’t want to be weird. I saw you in here and thought that I’d just ask to see.”
I smiled. “Yeah, always at football. I’m either running stadiums, field work or working in a study hall.”
Hmm, well that seems a normal enough greeting there, there's potentially a hint of someone searching for a topic to make conversation on but that could just be me on high alert now that we have been told exactly who this is meant to be.
“Cool. I’m Ethan Garrett.”
“Cate Parker.” I said, reaching up to shake his hand. He grasped it, his calloused palm enveloping mine. The words “ST Football” in bold Forza font emblazoned on his t-shirt. “You play here at South tech?” I asked.
He nodded. “I do. I’m a little new. A transfer from UNG. I came in last fall and played in the spring.”
“So, you don’t know who I am, do you?”
“No, not really. Am I supposed to?” He had a glint to his eye.
“Well, I guess.” I laughed, "I’m yall's ESPN football reporter.”
“Really? Never stuck you for that type.”
“Well, I am. And I bet I could tell you what position you play too.”
Okay...I think we're swinging every so slightly into flirty territory although this appears to be more unconscious flirting rather than anything else here. At any rate, this little well I suppose problem as it will eventually be is shaping up rather nicely here and I'm excited to see where it goes.
He smirked a little, crossing his arms. “Alright, bet then. What position do I play?” I looked him up and down. Roughly over six foot, but six foot five inches, muscular arms, calves and huge quads, but not too broad, arms that could crush rocks but not too long.
“You’re...offense.” I start, he nods slightly. “Too big for a tight end, not a quarterback. You’re offensive line and in the process of elimination, you are a guard, more specifically a right guard.”
He looked at me and raised his eyebrows, I could tell he was impressed. “Look at that, smart and beautiful.”
“Nah, just know football enough.” I replied. He nodded, adjusting his backpack.
Dipping into some lightly cliche territory on just that bit there and its a teensy bit clearer now that some intentional flirting is actually going on here. Well I suppose this is where the problems for poor Cate are going to start. I can already see how this specific little triangle should it form can really make things very complicated here.
“You won’t fail. I won’t let you.” He winked,” I’m headed out. Nice to meet you, Cate.”
“You too, Ethan.” I answered. He smiled at me and walked out with a wave. I watched him walk down the sidewalk to his car. I wriggled around in my booth, feeling a little uncomfortable in my chest. I shook my head, trying to get the essence of him out of my head. He just didn’t want to leave. It was annoying but maybe I didn’t want him to leave- my head I mean. Trust me... he didn't.
Little odd there on the last paragraph. I get what she's thinking there and the gist of that line well enough. It makes for a pretty good thought to end on too for a first chapter but umm I think you might have to rewrite it just a bit cause the phrasing is a bit odd and I find myself needing to read that a couple of times to actually understand it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a very solid opening part here. I think you've certainly got me interested enough at this point to want to read more of this story. Besides that slightly dodgy last bit, everything was pretty spot on here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
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