Published January 9, 2011
This I just did while bored but I liked it 
It doesnt make much sense but enjoy I hope.
The beating of my heart,
It increases just as the light goes dark.
Though I know nothing of you,
My feelings grow stronger,
Though is this true?
My computer is the only glow,
An image of you I begin to soe.
I think of a perhaps meeting,
I start to blush,
The idea disapearing.
This dream is over just as it starts.
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Canary word: Present
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"The beating of my heart,
increases as light goes dark."
"My feelings grow stronger,
Though I know nothing of you."
"Is this true?" (Don't need the "though")
"The thought of a perhaps
meeting, and I blush"
"My idea disappearing...
and the dream is over
just as it starts."
Something I think the poem is missing is imagery. I can't picture anything. The poem should show me, rather than just tell me. Also, I think you should be a bit more specific...find one point to focus in and zoom in on that. Thanks, and keep writing
I think of meeting you perhaps, if i have to rephrase it
I might change it to "the idea is fading"
You have some rare talent....
To write such a wonderful poem when one is bored is a big deal...
Great rhythm and i perfect flow....
Great work hun...
Hey Lily! I'll put my changes/ suggestions in bold, okay?
OVERALL:
Overall, I thought this was cute. It was really easy to draw into my own emotions from past experiences with this poem. It made everything really easy to visualize, et cetera. Good job with this.
-- Flux