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18+ Language Mature Content

Take Care ch. 1

by LilyPhelen


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

“Hi, I’m Todd,” I said eyes locking with Mrs. Krockers (don’t judge me it’s all I could come up with). Expecting some sort of answer back; like in the movies, where they all turn and say “Hi Todd” in a monotone voice and expressionless faces, they just sat there utterly unimpressed. I’m surrounded by dull characters.

“Can you tell us something about yourself? Or why you’re here?” Mrs. Krocker said just sitting there staring at me, like a monkey in a zoo, fingers tapping on her clipboard per usual, but I, unlike them, wasn’t confined by bars, but by white walls and the vicinity of my chair.

“My favorite color is red.” Nice Todd, very original.

“Now why are you here? You’ve agreed to do this Todd let’s remember, ‘A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.’” An Oscar Wilde quote. I took a deep shaky breath (for the atmosphere of course).

“I started drinking almost as soon as I got into high school. I always got invited to parties. My parents never really cared too much, about where I was or how much I had to drink. As long as I continued to play basketball,” I am about six foot three inches tall. My classmates used to refer to me as “the giant” even though I wasn’t even the tallest in the school. I think it was because the guy who was, (who was at least two inches taller than me) was to the bone skinny. to where I am more stocky, and my rib cage could enclose his, “I never got along with everyone at these events, so I got into a lot of fights.”

“What kind of fighting?” More tapping, scratching of a pen against paper.

“The kind where you’re drunk, and you hit on some babe at the party, and her quarterback boyfriend punches you in the face. So you hit him back harder.” I grin at Andria, then give a small wink. She looks down at her white tennis shoes.

“That seems. . .specific.” Mrs. Krocker’s face turns down, which I assume is hard to do with the excessive botox.

“I think he’s full of shit,” Gregory said, out of turn might I add. I wasn’t finished with my masterpiece of a sob story.

“Greg, at least my blood isn’t Karo syrup,” I smirked, Mrs. Krocker shoots me a mean look, but it isn’t me who they take out in handcuffs. That’s Greg, I always know what sets him off. His weight is one of the top five things that makes him angry (the others including: Being told to be quiet, a girl turning him down, if you mention what he is wearing, and anything at all about his parents), he is three hundred and ten pounds; only distributed through his Five foot eleven body. He popped out of his chair, but good thing he isn’t fast or he may have used his bulbous body to crush me. Instead, he got pulled out of the room, after a needle was quickly inserted into his ass. Nighty night Gregory.

“That’s enough for the day,” Mrs. Krocker sighs into her clipboard. We haven’t made much progress, and I am beyond irritated because I never got to tell the end to my story, “Thank you all for coming, let’s remember next time to wait our turn, and of course our positive motive. ‘We all can smile for a while!’”

We live in Smileslock, aka smiles a lot. An intense therapy kind of old-style ward for the mentally ill. We aren’t like the others though. We don’t shit ourselves or forget our lives. . .well most of us. I like to think they call it smileslock because they want us to be happy, but I know better, that they call it smiles a lot because we are on lots of “feel-good medication”. Since last year, we also get medical marijuana (I’m having a blast for the most part).

“Thank you, Todd, for speaking first. I promise we will continue with your story soon.” That felt empty. I don’t think she understands a good story setup at all. She wanted to know our dark pasts but doesn’t want any build-up. I can only imagine how she is in bed. All serious and no passion.

“Yep Mrs. Krocker, don’t think you’re getting out of it.” I smile showing my straight teeth and doing a signature head nod that seems to piss her off; probably because it is filled with visual sarcasm. She smiles at me with no wrinkles and blonde hair, but do I spot a hint of gray?

“‘All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling’ Oscar was truly a wise man.” I never said she had to be nice to us, but damn, she called me out. Oscar Wilde: 1. Todd Lange: 0. I could hear Andria snicker from across our crazy circle. The others do their things waiting to be truly dismissed by the “welcoming party” (that’s what we call the people who usher us around). We are taken in a line back to our rooms, the hallway is mostly quiet besides one man in his thirties jumping up and down on his bed. . . naked. It wasn’t long for him to get the same treatment as big, sleepy Greg. 


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Points: 253
Reviews: 16

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Wed Oct 30, 2019 8:13 pm
Lionhero333 wrote a review...



Hey there, im thinking of doing what I call, The Good The Bad The Beautiful reviews. So lets start.

The Good
From the first to the last word of this post I must day I was interested. You kept my attention all throughout. Your writing is really good and you can tell you took time with this (if you didnt, then your a natural.) I must say.

The Bad
I was a bit confused. Is it the first day of school for the character? If so, how do they know Mrs Krocker always taps her fingers.(i know im splitting hairs, mainly because I am actually interested). Also its important with any writing to set the scene, first. I didnt know where or why, but i did know who, kinda. Where are they? If they hate where they are, then what made them come etc etc.

The Beautiful
Your words as good. Your style is obvious, your not all over the place. Its like cynical and whimsy and sarcastic (or something like that)

Really great job and keep doing what your doing.




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Points: 325
Reviews: 1

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Sun Oct 27, 2019 11:19 pm
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xxinspired wrote a review...



Nice job Lily! Well written, funny, and unique :)

btw this is my first review sooo

You did a good job of giving some info but not giving other info, just enough to keep me interested and wondering what's going to happen next.

I'm not very good at giving general suggestions, so I'll give some grammatical and structural tips...

Mainly, I noticed some areas where commas could have been added, or some words could be added to help it flow a little bit smoother. Below I took some sentences and used them as examples...


“Hi, I’m Todd," I said eyes locking with Mrs. Krockers

I would change it to what's written below (I added a comma, and apostrophe, and the word "my"):

“Hi, I’m Todd," I said, my eyes locking with Mrs. Krocker's


“Can you tell us something about yourself? Or why you’re here?” Mrs. Krocker said just sitting there staring at me, like a monkey in a zoo, fingers tapping on her clipboard per usual, but I, unlike them, wasn’t confined by bars, but by white walls and the vicinity of my chair.

That is all two sentences. I would do something like I did below (I just added a comma here or there, turned it into three sentences, and added or changed a couple words to make it flow better)(btw nice comparison of Todd to the monkey in a zoo thing, that was cool):

“Can you tell us something about yourself? Or why you’re here?” Mrs. Krocker asked, just sitting there staring at me, like a monkey in a zoo, her fingers tapping on her clipboard as usual. But I, unlike them, wasn’t confined by bars, but by white walls and the vicinity of my chair.


Very well written and nice job! funny too :P

I look forward to reading more of this! :D




LilyPhelen says...


I'll be taking these into consideration thanks so much I'll be posting chapter 2 soon!



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366 Reviews


Points: 19048
Reviews: 366

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Sun Oct 27, 2019 5:49 pm
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Dreamy wrote a review...



Hello, Lily! It's a really interesting piece of work I've read in a while. I actually laughed out loud a couple of times.

I know nothing about this Todd but he's got so much character in him that it was difficult for me not like him even though he was such a meanie.

I like the narration style actually. Todd narrates as if there is someone listening to him. Like, how in some movies you have characters talking to the camera, you know. It makes sense with the place he's in. So that was thought well.

Hi, I’m Todd,” I said eyes locking with Mrs. Krockers (don’t judge me it’s all I could come up with). Expecting some sort of answer back; like in the movies, where they all turn and say “Hi Todd” in a monotone voice and expressionless faces, they just sat there utterly unimpressed. I’m surrounded by dull characters.


I thought that the first line could be written as, "Hi, I'm Todd." I said locking my eyes with Mrs. Krockers...

And continue without the brackets. I think by doing so you will include the audience more in narration. It will be much more entertaining. As if Todd is conversing with the readers.

(who was at least two inches taller than me) was to the bone skinny. to where I am more stocky, and my rib cage


bone skinny, whereas I am more stocky... ?

Oscar Wilde: 1. Todd Lange: 0.


And here, don't you mean, "Mrs. Krocker: 1 Todd Lange: 0" haha

Anyways, good start for the chapter. I would love to see how this unwraps. Keep up the good work! Keep writing!

Cheers! :D




LilyPhelen says...


thanks for the feedback I'll take those into consideration! and yeah it's going to be an ongoing joke about Mrs.Krocker quoting Oscar Wilde. I'll be posting the next chapter soon!



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8 Reviews


Points: 97
Reviews: 8

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Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:12 pm
LilyPhelen says...



(p.s. not every chapter has bad foul language and mature content but I will keep them all this rating just in case someone starts it and can't finish reading!)





I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today.
— Sheldon S. Maye