What You Don't Deserve

Locked for Plagiarism.

Hey there Lil. I think there are a couple commas that should be replaced by periods. I'll point them out, because this poem is like one sentence. o.o

Lilprincess wrote:I wrote you a sad song,
But then I burnt it,
I bought you a present,
But then returnt it,
All this trouble just for you,
I'm wondering if it's worth it,
I gave you my dependence,
All you did was hurt it,
I gave you my fragile heart,
All you did was burn it,
I gave you everything,
But you didn't deserve it,
Couldn't tell me you believed,
No you didn't deserve it,
When I gave you me.

?????

Plagiarism

I wrote you a sad song,
But then I burnt it, add some imagery to your lines
I bought you a present,
But then returnt it, you can put ''return'd' and people will get the gist or the rhyme, 'returnt' sounds a bit silly though
All this troublecomma, just for you,
I'm wondering if it's worth it, using 'it' on the end of every line is hardly effective, same with 'i gave' at the beginning of every line
I gave you my dependence,
All you did was hurt it, clever lines
I gave you my fragile heart,
All you did was burn it, you've already used the verb 'to burn', so use another
I gave you everything,
But you didn't deserve it,
Couldn't tell me you believed,
No you dint deserve it,
When I gave you me. <3
delete the heart, and remember proper grammar
Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain