This is Kaos here for a review!
The first thing that I noticed about this poem is that you rhyme but you don't seemingly have a pattern for it. If you're going to line, a general rule of thumb is to keep it consistent and to keep the pattern the same, such as rhyming every other line or something of that sort. That isn't here, and I feel that it didn't really help the poem, but it didn't really heavily hurt it either. The last two lines in the poem did good in rhyming, and the rest was just okay so I suggest taking it out. It might be my general distaste of rhyme that leads me away from it, but it's your choice.
The poem was general, and this happened to be one of its weaknesses. It uses words like "pain" and "strong" and "weak" without going into any more depth than that. Imagery didn't or wasn't really here in the poem and I wanted it to be. It's a lot of monologue instead of creating any images that are imbued in the reader's mind and it's disappointing. Instead or along with using those words like "pain" and "strong", describe the pain, describe the strength to the readers with things like description and figurative language. Your idea of pain probably isn't the same as my idea of pain, and your idea of strength isn't my idea of strength, so define your words.
Another thing you can do is narrowing those words down by using a stronger synonym that's less general and help describes itself. For example, the word love and the word lust, they both make me think different things. I think of love being very general and lust is more physical of an act. It may not seem like it, but it helps the poem overall when you do these little things to help it.
This is one of those poem's that leads up to a punchline and that's basically the best part of the poem, and I don't like these types of poems all the time. Notice how I said all the time. Don't ignore the rest of the poem to put all of your important thought into the last two lines of the poem, give attention to all of it. Just because you have these really smart last two lines or you think of them that way doesn't mean you should let the rest of the poem fall apart because of it.
I didn't really feel the theme for most of the poem though I do kind of see what you were going for, or at least I think. You don't really go into detail about being tired and wanting a break from life, it's a cool concept for a poem, but you just kind of glossed over things until the end where the theme actually appears. Without the ending, I wouldn't know what the theme of the poem was.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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