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Young Writers Society



Chapter Two - Please Don't Rest Tonight

by Lilith


WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! God this was a work to get finished. I just couldn't make myself type. But here it is, the piece of writing that everyone has been waiting for. Well, almost everyone. Well, maybe someone. Okay, me. But you should read it anyway.

------

Chapter Two

Noel hadn't meant to fall asleep as soon as she had, sprawled out across her bed, phone clutched in one hand, still dressed in jeans and Bastian's sweatshirt.

And as soon as her thoughts slipped away from the present, they were upon her. It seemed as if Dala had been laying in wait the entire day, ready to seize upon Noel at any second.

"Hello," Dala drew out the word, playing with every sound the word could offer. They were in the Void, a place of nothing. No scent, no color, not even a representation of dimension. Just nothing. It was as if they had been drawn onto a piece of white paper and forced to interact.

Noel panicked, immediately suffocated by terror. She eyed the room frantically, looking for some sort of escape, even though she knew there was never an escape.

"Oh, poor think can't handle her own imagination," Theol snarled. "You remember this place don't you? You created it when you were little with a box of crayons and some blank paper. Still feel like drawing something?"

Noel shook her head, but she couldn't breath. And without breath, she had no way of retaliating. Her knees gave out and she hit the ground. It wasn't so much a ground as it was the idea of a ground, lacking texture and realism.

Dala glided towards her, pressing a claw to her forehead. The memories of the day began to reel into the demon and a depraved grin stretched across her face. "Do you really think he could care about you? No one could care about you."

She forced one claw threw the skin on Noels cheek and drew a line down to her chin. "He laughs at you. He laughs because you're weak and dumb. I bet he won't even show up tomorrow. He'll leave you to have fun with his real friends. After all, we're all you've got. We'll never leave you."

Theol approached, giving in to the bend of his back and cantering forward on all fours. "She's right you know. We're all you have. What do you think will happen when that boy realizes that you hear monsters in your head? He won't stick around. He'll run."

Something in Theol's words made her snap. Noel clenched her fist and pulled herself off the ground. "How dare you?" The words were course, but she had somehow managed to find the air to breathe. "You don't know. You'll never know. Because you're monsters. Disgusting, pitiful monsters. Do you really think that because you can play with the life of one teenager, you're so high and mighty? Well you're not." By the time Noel finished, she was panting, searching for air.

Theol chuckled, pulling his body up as high as his handicap would allow, holding Noel's gaze. "You aren't the only one we've ruined. I couldn't count the number of men I've driven insane in a similar fashion. But you've been different little Noel. We chose you because you were young. A one in a million of other possible individuals. Luck had it that you would last so long.

"Do you remember when all of this started? The nightmares weren't that bad, and you were just curious because you were still you so young and naive. And you didn't know better. You looked at us as imaginary creatures. But let me tell you, Noel, that Dala and I, we are very real. Remember that."

----

Noel woke up on the floor, curled into a ball, shaking. The phone was clutched in one hand and the other was around her stomach, as if her entire being could disappear at any second if she didn't hold on.

She laid on the floor for minuets - maybe hours, she couldn't keep track of the ticking time - until the alarm on her nightstand began to blare, forcing her up off the floor.

At first, she didn't know what to do. What do you wear to the mall to "hang out?" Should she fix her hair? Should she just call and tell Bastian that she couldn't come? Most importantly, what would she tell her mother?

And slowly, she worked through it, putting on jeans and an old, pale yellow shirt under Bastian's sweatshirt. Noel didn't have much to do with her hair, but ran a brush through it and pulled it back, though a few stray wisps always managed to find a way to escape.

She ate lunch in her room and stared at the phone for a long time. Call. Don't call. It'll be fun. It'll suck.

----

Her mom knocked on the door at a quarter past five and yelled through in to Noel. "Hun, what do you want for supper?"

"Um, actually mom, I have plans…at the mall." She had been practicing what to say for almost an hour and every well through out word just flew out the window.

Alice was taken aback by the announcement but parental instinct took over and she grew suspicious. Perhaps this new behavior wasn't as positive as she thought. What kind of trouble could her daughter get into? "With who?"

"Bastian, the guy who called last night, and some of his friends. We're just gonna see a movie." Noel's heart was racing. What if her mother said she couldn't go? Now that she had made up her mind, she couldn't just take it back. Besides, Bastian would be arriving soon.

Alice opened the door and looked at her daughter, sitting cross-legged on the floor. She almost said out-right that Noel wasn't allowed to go but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "That sounds fun. Just be home by curfew." She turned to ease the door shut.

"Uh, mom."

"Yeah," she stopped and looked back at her daughter.

"When is curfew?"

"Just be home by ten, okay."

----

The doorbell rang at 5:29 and Noel raced down the stairs, hoping to beat her mother to the door. Bastian was standing there, splattered by the steadily increasing rainfall that had begun as a hazy fog that morning. He slipped into the entry and pulled his jacket tighter around himself.

"Hey, Noel, you ready to go?"

Alice, followed closely by Robert, appeared in the hall to eye the new arrival. "You must be Bastian."

"I am." He was smiling, holding himself up straight, trying to seem impressive.

"How long are you planning on staying out?" Alice asked.

Robert looked at his wife with curiosity. Normally she was more subtle about the overseeing of their daughter. Then again, they didn't find themselves in this sort of situation, well, ever.

"Not long, Mrs. Flincher. I'll have her back before nine-thirty."

"Good."

"Let's go," Noel urged, opening the front door and letting in a bitter, early spring wind, trying to get away from her mother, whose dark brown eyes had become thin slits of distrust.

"Have fun, Hun," Robert called, pulling Alice away from the front door as the two kids made a dash for Bastian's sea foam green, 86' Ford pickup. Noel jumped into the passenger seat while Bastian scrambled across the front of the car and flopped down inside. He was laughing, even through his incessant shivering.

Noel pulled her arms around herself and wished she had had another two or three layers of clothing on.

"Hah, you must be pretty fond of the sweatshirt." Bastian was looking at her coolly. "You look nice."

Noel blushed and tried not to look him in the face. "Thanks. You look like you drove here with the windows open." She regretted saying anything. What if she had upset him?

But he laughed and turned the key into ignition, bringing the metal beast to life. "I did actually. I love the rain. Something about it is so soothing, you know." They pulled away from the curb and onto the quiet suburban streets.

"I guess," she replied. Quite frankly, she preferred the dull, chilly days of autumn, devoid of moisture but full of color.

"If you need another shirt or something, I've got a spare under the seat somewhere. I think it's clean." He laughed again and smiled that soothing, smile. Noel wondered if he was trying hard to be so charming or if he was always so…so…warm.

"Once we get inside, I think I'll be fine," she replied, trying to ignore the fact that her legs were trembling and her knees were knocking against one another.

"We'll, we'd better hurry up, before Gigi starts to worry. You'll like her, she's fun." Bastian pressed harder on the accelerator and sent the truck lurching forward.

The five-minuet ride was silent, interrupted only by unwarranted laughter, forced from both of them whenever they glanced at one another. Noel forgot everything Dala had said to her and felt free, at least for the moment.


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37 Reviews


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Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:20 am
Sexy Sadie wrote a review...



Hello,

I read the Prolouge and the first chapter, but was too lazy to crit, so I'll just crit on this chapter. I thought the other two parts were amazing though.

Mk, here we go-

-"Oh, poor think can't handle her own imagination,"-

Should think be thing? Poor thing just sounds better to me.

-Noel shook her head, but she couldn't breath. And without breath, she had no way of retaliating.-

Either cut the and, and then start the sentance with without, or cut the period and put a coma or, better yet, semi colan.

-You'll never know. Because you're monsters.-

Coma instead of period. It makes it flow more smoothly.

-But you've been different little Noel.-

Put a period after different and before little Noel.

-She laid on the floor for minuets-

First: lay, not laid. Second: minutes, not minuets.

-She laid on the floor for minuets - maybe hours, she couldn't keep track of the ticking time - until the alarm on her nightstand began to blare, forcing her up off the floor.-

To me, dashes look unprofessional, especially when you could use comas or semi colans. Just my opinion though.

-We're just gonna see a movie.-

Gonna, no way. Use going.

-The five-minuet ride was silent-

Again, you spelt minute wrong.

Besides that, brilliant :)

-Sadie :twisted:




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27 Reviews


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Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:49 pm
xavia-finch wrote a review...



I critiqued your prologue but not yet the first or second chapters. Mainly because its late and I just wanted to read the story, which is a good sign!!

It means Im too busy enjoying to pick out the few tiny things that could be improved, and that there aren't many mistakes!

In response to what R.C. Evans said about not dragging it out so we don't get to see plot and conflict..
I disagree. If this is going to be a novel, Id say you'd have at least another 12 chapters to go. Don't rush it just to please the readers of YWS. Write it how you want it to be and we can then correct the mistakes.


Keep up the good writing,


Cant wait to read more,



Shall critique chaps 1 + 2 later.

:) :) :)




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Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:46 pm
R. C. Evans wrote a review...



I won't deprive people of their fun by quoting what is slightly off in this chapter, but I will say this: I loe these people, especially Bastian. He seems sweet; just the kind of person who would be able to free Noel. Theol and Dana were scary as always, but I do think that you could go indepth about what is feeling, not just what she sees.
And, finally, please don't drag this out so that we don't get to the plot and the conflict. It's nothing personal but I can see the potential for that happening.
Until we meet again,
R. C. Evans





It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain