Will the flower ever bloom?
Will the morning sun bring me out of my gloom?
Will I ever see him again?
Will my wish come true?
I feel as though im tied to puppet strings
And he's the puppeteer not knowing how much pain he brings
Is this a sign of what's to come?
I can't feel anything all my senses have gone numb
None of the pain ceases
All of the happiness decreases
Never to feel a thing
Except all the pain people bring
But now im going to die
So I for the last time say goodbye.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This definitey has a lot of potential in it waiting to be tapped. To me, the questions you asked at the beginning aren't necessary and just irk the reader before the reader can read on to discover if the poem is good or not. Also, there were a few grammar/spelling mistakes in this. The emotions in this were certainly powerful, but I felt that some of the words you used to convey those emotions were bland...ya know? Like the puppet thing, though appropriate to how you might feel in that situation, is also kind of cliched, unless of course you can put a spin on it somehow or other. But don't get me wrong, lol, I definitely enjoyed reading this! It was pretty good as it was and with some work I'm sure this will be great!
Okay, first impression is that it's a nice poem but regular rhyme and irregular rhythm is rather strange.
On the eighth line I think you mean gone numb rather than 'gona numb.'
The good bye should be one word really. It looks a little strange like that. Also a fullstop would be good there to outline that the pain is going to end and the 'puppets' life is over if you get my drift.
Other than that it was okay but it lacks description and the powerful emotion is hidden behind a rather weak structure. The piece certainly has potential though so keep working on it.