Colours of Life: Search for the Truth

by Lightsong

Published September 11, 2016

E - Everyone

“But if Travis was dead by a natural cause,” Doris whispered in Serena's embrace, her chilly voice piercing through the silent air, “then there was a fool who dared to humiliate him and his family by putting the body at such an undignified state.”

They were in the female toilet, knees on the floor, as Serena consoled Doris of her boyfriend’s death. This was the odd place in which Travis’s body was laid stark naked. Serena had reassured her that he was gone because it was his time - that he was a glitch in the colour system. When one died, all colours left him, but Travis was an exception. Doris had knew he was different than the others. When one time his finger bled because of the improper way he used a knife, the colour around it didn’t fade. It remained pale brown.

Serena didn’t reply to her words, so Doris continued with a hiss. “I will find out who that person is, Serena. Travis is the love of my life, the best of friend. To think that someone dared to do this to him... It’s unforgivable.”

She could hear Serena’s sigh, and Serena released her from the embrace, and looked her straight in the eyes. “Are you sure about this, Doris? Do you think it’s worth the risk of exposing yourself to the one who caused the humiliation ?” She paused. “Do you think it’s safe?”

Doris looked at her, her eyes wide in disbelief. Was the purple-haired serious? Of course it was worth the risk! This would be the least Doris could do to Travis family - to Travis himself. He didn’t deserve to be treated like this. To know that someone dared to put him under a negative light is incomprehensible.

And she didn’t care if finding out the schemer would bare her from possible danger. She had been thinking about his killer for two days after her death until Serena convinced her just now that no one murdered Travis, that he died naturally. The idea of someone dying ‘naturally’ was foreign to her; the common death would be caused by untreatable wounds or overload of rejected colours. Still, it was better to believe of natural death instead of one intended by someone.

“It seems to me you have disregard your senses completely,” Serena said calmly. “If that’s what you want to do, then so be it.” She turned to the door and was about to move before Doris caught her leg. She looked back at Doris with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m going to need your help,” Doris said.

She had been hellbent that Serena was the one who murdered Travis, but now that Serena showed genuine bafflement of who Travis was, and delivered a plausible cause for his death, she intended to trust her. If she was going to investigate this matter, she needed someone competent who could help her - someone she could trust. Serena seemed to fit that role right now, although it might be just that Doris was desperate to think of a better helper.

“I’m not going to help you,” Serena replied. “You do realize I’ve been put under interrogation for hours? I’m tired of being in this matter. I would like to have my normal life back, thank you very much.”

Doris instinctively knew pleas and cries would not persuade Serena. She decided to use logic. “The one behinds this knows you, Serena. This person can’t just coincidentally fake Travis’s diary by writing about you, and put the body at a time and place that you can enter. It’s too much of a coincident.”

“I thought you were sure Travis written the part about he liking me and I didn’t noticing him.”

Doris shook her head. “No. No, I wasn’t sure. I just thought having someone to blame would make getting through this thing easier, but I know it wouldn’t. The part about you isn’t written by Travis. I know his handwriting. It has never been neat. You can see it for yourself. There’s a clear difference in the penmanships between the forged part with the rest.”

There was a smile on Serena’s face. “And what if I’m the one who put it there? I might as well frame myself to avoid being accused.”

Doris glared at her. Why should Serena make this matter difficult? “That’s impossible. You told me you barely know him. Both of you are in different classes, since you’re a year older than he, and his friends or I would notice you took his diary if you did.”

“You’re not as naive as you seem. Hmm.” Serena tilted her head, considering something. Finally, she nodded. “I’ll help you, if only to see the extend of your willingness in the name of love.”

Doris sighed in relief. It was good to know she wouldn’t be doing this alone. It wasn’t like she didn’t trust the police, but now that she knew there was nothing wrong with Travis’s death, she was worried they focused on the wrong case. Murder wasn’t involved in this; the crime of humiliating a dead body did. She wondered if they even knew this? That Travis couldn’t possibly enter a girl toilet, stripped naked, and died? The thought of it alone was ridiculous.

Releasing her hold of Serena’s leg, Doris stood and brushed her skirt for any dirt. Thank God for the dry floor, or else, people would see a dark spot at the front of her skirt, and would snicker over what it meant. Not that she cared much, nowadays. People had been labeling her as an emotional freak for grieving over Travis’s death. They’re not the one who found out their loved ones dead, aren’t they? she thought scathingly.

“Give me your cellphone,” Serena said, holding out her hand.

Doris frowned. “Why?”

The purple-haired girl sighed. “You have to understand the humiliator would not expect us to help each other. We’re supposed to be archenemies by now, the way he framed me and made you hate me. Our communication has to be out of public’s view, that means using phone, Internet, etc. Even if we have to meet, the place has to be private.”

The explanation sounded logical. “Alright,” Doris said, giving Serena her smart phone, “but we’re going to use Whatsapp since it’s free.”

“Perfect.” Serena tapped the screen, saving her number. She gave it back to Doris, and fished out hers from her pocket. Looking at it, she nodded. “I’ve gotten your message.”

“Where do we start?” Doris asked.

“You’re closer with Travis that I am, so you’d be the one to find suspects. Observe his friends, see which one is affected from this incident, and talk to him. Travis sounds like a nice guy, so it’s likely that many of his friends are more than sad about his death. His family - one of them can be suspect. Maybe he has a sibling that envies him the most? Watch them.”

Doris listened intently, nodding. It was absurd that one of Travis’s friends humiliated him, but it wasn’t possible - after all, they were the ones who would be able to reach for his notebook. Doris wasn’t sure about his family - Travis did have a brother two years younger than he named Eric, but Eric seemed to treat Travis as his best friend. Perhaps even had admiration on him. But then again, he too could take the notebook.

Comments & reviews · 3

User avatar
Dibidub
Review
Dibidub wrote a review Review · Sep 14, 2016

I enjoyed this story! I noticed that you were missing a few words in some of your sentences, such as "Was the purple-haired [girl] serious?" and "I thought you were sure Travis [had] written..." I also saw that you used some words in the wrong tense, such as when you wrote "The part about you isn't written by Travis," when it should be "The part about you wasn't written by Travis," knowing that Travis was already dead by that point.

I like how you developed the characters in this piece. Doris was shown from the beginning that she truly loved Travis, while Selena had a stony personality.

Overall, this was a great story and I was happy to read it! It really got my attention and I was eager to know how Doris would solve her boyfriend's death.

Keep writing!

User avatar
Zackymas
Review
Zackymas wrote a review Review · Sep 11, 2016

Heyo there~

After months of hiatus... me is here for a review \o/

Okay so this short story starts with a bit of 'dialogue' supposed to introduce us to what's happening. I put the marks in dialogue because it doesn't feel like something a human being would say. With this I mean those bits of Doris show no emotion/characterization whatsoever. Isn't she supposed to be sad? Even if it happened days ago, an emotional person (which is how you are trying to portray Doris) wouldn't just shove their trigger like Monday morning coffee.

Also, what's up with the colours thingy? You see, I won't lie, the main storyline didn't keep me reading at all (It's not you, it's me, for real) but the moment you started talking about the colours I was hooked. I was despaired to know more about this feature of your world (I'm a worldbuilder, this is the kind of thing that pumps me up) so I kept reading, and reading... and nothing. The mechanic was never even close to being shown, even explained through sheer info dumps to the reader. So at the very end I was just like "wait that's it?" and left with a sour flavor in my mouth because I had little idea of what happened with what I was interested in. My point is, show/explain the mechanics of your world, this is key when writing fantasy. The main story won't make much sense for the readers if they don't understand how does your world work.

Last but not least, as mentioned in the first paragraph, lack of characterization. These characters feel dull. Like mannequins being moved around by a puppeteer, they don't feel like real persons because everything is so constructed, grammatically correct, and explanatory. Aren't they younglings in college? Or perhaps in high school. Really the only bit of character ever shown is Serena's purple hair, and even then, the way you present it to the reader is as if purple hair isn't that uncommon there.

Overall I see where you want to go, and it's not bad what you have here just... not good if that makes sense. Sorry if I sounded a little mean here, it was not my intention but I just don't know other way to say it XD

Kuddos~
PD: I'm eager to see this when it's more developed :3

Hey, thanks for the review! :D

I totally agree with what you've said about the fantasy element in this short story. You see, the only fantastical about the world I've created is the use of colour to prolong life. This is explained in the first short story this one is based on, but I think I'll expand more on this in the next part.

Lack of characterization?! D: That's a nightmare. I'm going to fix on that asap. xD

I've edited the first line; I hope you can comment on it. :D

Better, but it still sound a little bit too... constructed. This is how I'd write (disclaimer: this is completely my vision and thoughts, you don't have to take it at heart).

"But," Doris's voice cut in a brief, yet painful stop, her mouth almost babbling, "if Travis wasn't killed then," words flashed through Doris's mind for a second, "who could put his body in such a miserable state?" she asked, not wanting to have an answer. She tried taking her mind off and calm down to send her message, but tears had already poured down her cheeks.

Or something like that, what I did here was to emphasize how does even talking about the loss of Travis affected her. I didn't mention any emotions, instead I tried making it so readers see that she is not okay, that she is pained.

Maybe that's not what you wanted to send. Maybe you want this character to be more of a stoic and that's why her words are so structured. Should this be the case I recommend you to make her lack of emotion noticeable. Because what you have right now is (quite literally) the words of a stoic in the body of an emotional person.

Oh little advice, try not to use -ly ended adjectives, they can weaken your writing if not handled correctly. For example when you said 'chilly' I didn't really feel nothing, just a word taking space, it didn't add to your message (Whichever that was)

Ah! I do want to make it so that she is seen emotional; I want to make it so that her words show she hates the one who causes it, and such hate is defined by her chilly voice that pierces through the silent air. I guess I'm not making it clearer, so I'll fix on that.

User avatar
Virgil
Review
Virgil wrote a review Review · Sep 11, 2016

This is Kaos here for a review!

The story starts off with little explanation with what's going on, which is fine if you do it in moderation, but it feels like you started off in a bit of a random point and started writing. I suggest explaining what's going on by letting the reader still infer what's going on, but explain it through the dialogue.

From what I've figured out, color leaves the body when someone dies. Are you saying the person would become black and white as a dead body, and if so, when someone dies, when does the color start to fade from them? Is it like a warning sign that the person is going to die? Is there a possibility that someone can recover color and be okay and healthy again? None of these questions are really answered, and I think it's one of the things that you need to focus on in the future of this.

It some parts of the story it feels like you're using the narrative to info-dump things about the characters into the story. This is a followup to where I say: The characters talk awkwardly or unnaturally. I'd like to see more character put into them where it's more distinct of who is who. If you're trying to set this up as a sort of more proper society with more of that type of speaking, then go for it, but it doesn't have to do that all the time. Keep it in moderation, it'll still be good and work well as dialogue.

I felt like there was a lack of description in this chapter, even though it was one of the stronger points that you had. Use it to your advantage, the colors and the lack of color. It makes sense if you're using more description in this type of story to set up the atmosphere, because that's sort of how it's based.

That's all I had to say about this, have a great day and I hope this helped!

Ah! Thanks for the review!

This is actually a follow-up to the first short story, Serena, the Colours, and the Death. Obviously this one needs to stand on its own since it's a short story, but if you want a better explanation about the function of colours, you can check out the first one.

Hmm, I agree with the lack of description. I wrote this quite in a hurry, and didn't think much of editing it. I'll surely keep in mind what you've said. :D



i, too, use desk chairs for harm and harm alone
— Omni