In this world, you only needed to know one thing - the colour of your blood ruled your social status. People with red blood controlled the country, having the power to instill fear. Those with blue blood were the loyal workers, having the power to sooth raging emotions. Others who had yellow blood were the people’s beloved ones, having the power to instill happiness.
She? The first incident where she got hurt, she found out she had white blood. She didn’t belong to society’s normalcy. No one knew what people with white blood could do. No one acknowledged there was a white voicer. As far as she knew, she was the broken one among all people. Her parents had known this after she was born, and had done everything to keep it a secret.
But a secret so hard to hide would eventually be discovered. A bunch of red-blooded soldiers intruded the house and had a blood check on each of her family members. They got through it - she didn’t. They pushed her to the wall with her hands on her back, tying her with their magic-enhanced silver chains. Her chest hurt, and she heard Mother screaming to high heaven, pleading them to stop.
Later, she was put in a cell. Not the one for the officially-convicted criminals, but for those who were suspected to threaten the country. She wanted to laugh out loud at them and flashed the middle finger, but she was smarter than that. She knew those soldiers understood cruelty more than they understood justice, and even the tiniest act of rebellion would deserve a severe punishment.
They interrogated her there. They asked her trapping questions, like: Did your white blood influence you in any way to commit crime? Did you think you being the single white voicer made you superior than others? Did you think there should be a separation in terms of treatment to a white voicer like you? It was annoying to say the least. She answered them as truthful as she could.
She didn’t get out of the cell until the six-hours interrogation had passed. They seemed disappointed of their failed attempt to bring the worse out of her - to expose her as some threat to the society. But then again, an anomaly was still an anomaly. Red voicer was treated in higher regard than yellow voicer, and blue voicer was regarded the least. How should they regard her?
Like a human being. They didn’t know that, of course, seeing how their extreme intelligence ignored those petty simple facts.
When she got out from the cell, the government's interest wasn’t over. The Prime Minister, Henry Rose paid a visit to her house. Her parents were beaming - they had always been devoted fans of him - and thought he was there to give her support. Well, he did say he felt sorry for the harsh treatment she got from his soldiers, the only form of protection in this country. But she knew he was there for something more.
And she was right. After the pleasantries, he told her parents about how he was fascinated with her and the nature of her blood. He said it would be interesting to learn more about it. He said there was another person who had a blood different than the usual ones - a guy - who he wanted her to meet. Perhaps with both the guy and her together, they could find out more about their unique cases.
Yeah, right, unique. When the news of her white blood spread into the entire nation via television, people had been looking at her like she was some weirdo. She got a daily dose of being bullied in school by the typical mean popular girls who liked to think that she was having a leukemia because of her blood. It was pathetic how they couldn’t come up with a better insult and stooped so low to insulting a disease.
Father was suspicious of Henry. Mother was even more doubtful than he was. The conversation after that turned into an awkward, cautious one, and they were trying to give excuses to Henry about her unable to go with him. Henry didn’t buy them, of course. He could totally see they were trying to protect her from the government again. He didn’t give up, however.
He told her that this guy he was talking about was truly dangerous. He didn’t know what had actually happened to the scientists who had been near that guy, but they had a severe disease after a meeting with him gone wrong. He said this guy was uncontrollable, and if they couldn’t come out with a solution to fix this guy’s problem, they might need to take the last step.
The last step. Hearing that, she froze. She had heard it from the time she was in cell. The soldiers talked among themselves that if she was truly a threat to the people, one that could not be fixed, the last step would be most likely taken on her. It certainly did sound horrible at that time, and she had a clear guess about what the last step was. And they were about to do this to that guy. Knowing how she would feel being in his shoes, she knew she couldn’t let this go.
But was this a strong enough reason to go? Was it worth it? She had no idea. She did have an idea about the possible way they would treat her - maybe another push to the wall, aiming to crush her skull. She wasn’t sure. Henry’s arrival wasn’t as bad as the soldiers, so people working directly under his charge couldn’t be as bad.
Well, she must as well learned to take a risk from now. Her life wasn’t the same as before. People viewed her differently, like they were viewing her as if she had grown another head. She could do without that. It wasn’t worth it trying everyday to protect herself, making herself blend with the others when it was obvious she didn’t have to. If society frowned, they could do it without her.
Plus, if somehow participating in whatever the government was doing could make her learn more about herself, then she would give it a go. She needed to make use of her white blood. She didn’t know what she could do, and that was the worst as a voicer. Her mom could let her voice soothed others. Her father could cheer up people with his. She? She had to know what she could do.
She looked at her parents, grabbing her mother’s hands. She hoped they could understand her decision to go with Henry. She knew how much they loved her. The people of Caa Mier was a bunch of racists, and they were that without considering your skin colour. Your blood colour was what mattered. The blue voicers were the minority - their least-useful blood colour was a laughing stock to others.
In the next morning, she packed her bags and went with Henry using his limousine. She managed to wave goodbye to her family.
A/N: I'm just throwing the idea outta here. I'm not sure if I would finish it. Probably would if there are those who wanted me to do that. :)
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Greetings, I, Holographic Ladybug, am here with your (short) review.
You've got quite the interesting story here. Reminds me of a book that also has the different-colour-blood-racial-thing going on. I'm interested to see where you're going with this.
I find that this represents the way society kind of acts more or less perfectly. People sometimes judge based on popularity, cultural background, intellect, etc. It's sad, I know, but that's what's happening. That's even what's happening here. I realize stuff like this, but if someone who doesn't reads this.... They'll probably find out.
Was that your goal? Or unintentional? If it was, it's clever.
Either way, good job.
Never stop writing.
-Holographic Ladybug
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My favorite line.^
It is intended to incriminate the character in its context but on its own it is pretty interesting. The social statuses of the story, much like reality, cause ignorance and bigotry where the color of blood would decide whether or not someone did something bad in the eyes of someone else. Even in fiction, humans will still find a way to blame bad things on people they don't understand that are different from them (visually or otherwise). I'm not sure if you intended for this type of a response with this particular single line but it sparked a deep thought in my head.
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I want continue with saying that I really like the story and the world you've created. I really love the creativity of the color of blood indicating social status. The theme of the character being different from the norm is what especially caught my attention as I read on, since I particularly enjoy stories like that. The direction of the story is heavily themed and I love it. It is almost satirical in nature because of how true this can be to actual society.
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My small criticism would be that you packed in a lot of background information in the beginning. Not completely a bad thing, but it would interesting to have some things be revealed about the past rather than stated. I noticed this is part one so maybe you just had a lot to set up for more parts to come. Hopefully you decide to continue it, I see a lot of potential and enjoyed the story.
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I understand what the line is saying, but it is a bit awkward. Some grammatical mistakes.
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Same thing with this line. Just small issues like this, but otherwise fine.
Omigosh, I missed this review! Thanks!
Hey Lightsong!
(CoughcoughI think you should finish thisCoughcough)
Here to review your story!
The idea with blood colors meaning different things/roles is very interesting. Also pretty creative. And it seems like with these people, they're only used to seeing a certain set of colors. So for someone to have something other than the "normal" colored blood would definitely raise alarms in the community. I thought you'd go with the MC being the only person in the world with this, but it's awesome you included another white blooded person. I'm so curious about what it all means, and also just why these characters have white blood (if there is a reason I mean).
Henry Rose is definitely someone I'm going to keep my eye on... considering you continue this. At first I thought he'd be helpful, but something about him just rubbed me the wrong way. Like even the parents, who did actually like him before, grew to be suspicious of him. I mean I like the idea that he's thinking to bring two of the same types of people together but I can't help but think it's all a part of some secret plan he's got going. Something that'll definitely hurt them. I'm also curious about his blood type too. Is he red-blooded? Like soldiers who harassed her with their questions and such. If he is, then the MC should definitely be on high alert because with him being Prime Minister of the place, wouldn't it have been under his orders the soldiers went after her? Just curious!
Something I'm wondering about is just how other people in this world know about her blood color. I know it's said that it made it to the news. But is that something that's normally made publicized, not just for her rare case but for anyone? Like everyone's blood color is publicized? Can anyone hide what color their blood would be? Was the MC's blood leaked through the health care workers at the hospital she was born at? This probably isn't important to the story, but something I'm just curious about.
I noticed the MC has no name, and at first it kind of confused me, because naturally we'd have a name to call our MC. But as I read on, I grew to like the idea of her having no name, and how this other guy that's like her just being called "the guy." I wonder if this is going to continue as the story goes on. Just referring to them as "he" or "she." There's just something about it I really like.
Quick question, what does a white voicer mean? I took it as simply someone having white blood, but the word "voicer" confused me.
I noticed a POV change while reading this. There are some places where you have "I" or "my" while the majority of the story's written out as "she" and "her." There wasn't too much of this, but if you look over it again, I think you could find them.
I really liked these lines. The part about the soldiers understanding cruelty more than justice - wow that just says a lot about them. It really gives me the idea that rules are strict in this world.
I didn't understand this first incident the MC is talking about. When did she get hurt? Is she talking about her being locked away? Is that what she's referencing as her getting hurt? For some reason this sentence confused me, but maybe I'm not reading it in the way I'm supposed to. Let me know!
Overall, I liked this story. A lot. Writing was pretty easy to read through for me. Very few grammar problems but I'd run that through Word and see what they catch. If you want, I can help pinpoint them for you. But it'd be cool if you continued this. I want to see this other white-blooded person in all this and see what they've been dealing with. I hope this review's been helpful, in any way. I kind of feel like it's all over the place, but it's basically what I've been thinking. But yeah, I hope you continue this. I definitely want to know where our MC is headed and what Henry Rose is planning (if he's planning anything, that is)! If you have any questions, PM me!
-comrie:)
Thanks for the review! Man, the length of it is mind-blowing.
Hahaha, I didn't realize its length until I posted it. No problem!
Hey...
You have a pretty cool idea going here. The development of the piece should be interesting to watch! That said, here are a few ideas to consider:
-Point of view? Some really confusing stuff happens in the second half of your piece, where your narrative switches from first-person to third-person. Think: "When the news of my white blood spread into the entire nation via television, people had been looking at her like she was some weirdo." Which would you prefer (pronoun choice)?
-switching scenes is sometimes confusing. For example: the family is speaking with the PM, then suddenly the girl is at school, and then we're back to the same scene with the family and the PM.
-clarity: some paragraphs are a little murky to understand. Maybe reread them one at a time, you probably already know what I mean.
Personally, I think this is worth holding on to. Keep at it, and good stuff.
Hey Lightsong,
Lopez18 here for a review.
Let me start off by saying that I really like the story so far. It's a very interesting plot with lots of details and I'm very anxious to know what happens next. I really like how much detail you put into the story, like explaining what society is like and giving each blood color a unique trait. One thing I think you should work on is putting a little bit more dialogue in the story. I believe that the story would become a lot more interesting and exciting if it had just a little more dialogue. Overall, this was a very good start to the story and I really hope that you continue to write it, I look forward to what will happen next.
Just wanted to say, this sounds really great so far! You should definitely keep going. I'm eager to see what will happen next ^~^