"Okay then, Lacey I dare you to go the old mining caves and get a gold nugget." Jack said as he gave Lacey a smug look knowing that she wouldn't do it since she was so scared of those caves.
"Fine, I'll do it then." Lacey said with determination in her voice. She simply couldn't let Jack get to her and she didn't want to seem like a coward in front of her friends. Besides, how bad could it be in there? It was abandoned after all. She'd just need to take her flashlight and maybe a stick.
"Well, you'll have to go when it's dark. That's the best time after all. Unless you're too scared?" Taunted Jack. Lacey glared at him and stood up promptly.
"There's nothing to be scared of! It's just some old abandoned caves, that won't scare me one bit." Lacey said with a huff before storming off. God, he really got on her nerves sometimes. Looking at her watch told her that she had about four hours before it got dark.
She decided to go home and prep for her dare. After all one could never be too prepared. Not to mention she was actually scared of those caves.
See, it was written that these mine caves were shut down after horrific incidents. Workers were being murdered left and right in there and eventually they had to close them down. Lacey didn't really know the full details but she knew about what almost everyone in the village knew about the case. Everyone was forbidden from going in there.
Lacey gulped realizing that she'd be breaking a rule. If she got caught that is. Which, won't happen because she'd just be looking for a little gold nugget and running out of there as fast as possible. No big deal, right? How wrong she was.
Looking at the clock on the wall, Lacey decided it was time. Putting her phone in her pocket and grabbing her flashlight she climbed out her window and climbed down with a rope she had. Landing on the wet grass she took off running. Not bothering to look back at her house.
Panting from the long run, Lacey put her hands on her knees and took a couple of seconds to control her breathing. Once she was finally able to breath normally she entered the entrance to the caves, turning on her flashlight after walking for fifteen minutes.
"It's...really dark in here. M-Maybe I should just go? N-No! I won't back down from this dare.. I just won't. " Lacey said worriedly as she shined her flashlight on the floors and walls of the cave. She could hear the faint sound of water dripping and the sizzles and crackles of electricity.
She really wanted to go home. After half an hour, Lacey was ready to give up. That gold nugget seemed almost impossible to find in this place. She prated herself for even accepting this dare. She froze when she heard something and then rapidly pointed her flashlight in the direction she heard it from only to just see a bare wall.
"I'm losing it. It's nothing, this place is abandoned." Lacey said, trying to assure herself as she continued walking only to halt when she reached a junction. There were two paths she could take. Unfortunately, she walked into the left pathway.
Just like the rest of the cave, the walls were quite bare. Which would make sense since none of the workers lived long enough to really start mining. She kept her flashlight aimed straight ahead so she could see in front of her. Occasionally moving the fluorescent light from side to side to examine the walls.
Getting out of the pathway, she noticed she was in a wide spaced area. She thought it was quite odd but dismissed it. Suddenly, she heard a loud shriek before everything went quiet. Lacey gulped. Surely now would be the best time to go back, right? She turned to leave before halting in her steps as her eyes widened in horror and her mouth opened to let out a scream.
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138,024 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey there LightningExodus. It's just lizzy dropping by really quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
1. Wipes cobwebs off of chapter and then gags on dust. I was just searching through the green room when I came across your little chapter and found it had barely been touched since January. I am now here to make that right and get this out of the green room. Onward troops because there is a long battle ahead.
2. Note before I begin my review that I have not read the previous chapter. I'll just try and treat this like a stand alone short story that has no beginning or end other than the one I am given. It actually works pretty well just like this so it will be easier for me to get in that mindset. If I make any character guesses that are wrong please inform me of my mistake.
3. The first thing I usually connect the name Lacey to is Cagney and Lacey but that of course has nothing to do with my review. Just my way of associating one character with another to be better at reviewing this piece. If I were to name this as anything I would say Short Story: Action/Adventure: Possibly Horror. That is the feel I got from the piece as she is walking down into the caverns and the last line. Now normally when we think horror we think screaming, blood, maniacal serial killer. I go for the Hitchcock approach where you start the story out seemingly innocent with a disastrous ending. Now there may not have really been a ghost or murder down there but that is the feel I got. A more likely situation is that her friends decided to prank her though I'm really not sure.
4. As far as grammar/spelling/typos goes I only had a couple of things to say. Chrissy already pointed those out so I wouldn't want our reviews to overlap.
5. Well that's about all I have for this review. Once again sorry it took so long to get this piece out of the green room.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
-lizzy
Hello LightningExodus! CHRISSY321 here with a review!
*Happy Review Day!*
I really like this! I love how complete it is, even though it is a second chapter. I have not read the first, but I was able to understand everything that was going on, which is pretty great
Here is a quick fix that I think would work well:
I think instead of having a period and ending it after "That's the best time after all," you should let it connect with the next statement by using a comma of a dash, I think either would work
Here there should be a comma after 'all'.
Here I think you should connect these two sentences as well like this:
"Landing on the wet grass she took off running, not bothering to look back."
I really do not think the 'at her house' part was really need either. You know she is leaving her house, so I think just 'not bothering to look back' would be fine
The end of the chapter! What did she see!? Was it her friend Jack playing a joke on her? I cannot wait to find out!
Overall this was really good! Please keep writing!
~Chrissy <3