Young Writers Society

Wow. This is really a touching piece. It makes ya think about how some ppl are forced to live these days. I won't be reviewing this based on grammar or anything like that, simply because I believe those types of reviews don't do much to help writers such as the ones here, already being knowledgeable about those things. I would much rather talk about the thematic value and narrative value of a piece. And so, we begin.

First off, as a said, I loved this piece's tone. It seemed like this was something you have actually experienced, and that made the experiencing of having heard gunshots that much more of a reality to the reader. It was cool how you made a largely unknown event seem a little bit more familiar. Honestly, if you have experienced this, I am sorry. And it takes major courage to write about an experience like this. Now, if you haven't actually experienced this, you've got some major talent here. Either way, it was very well written. You did a grata job of taking is into the narrator's mind. Great job! I can't really find much that I didn't enjoy about this. Fantastic work!!!

Hi! Lucrezia here to review.

Wow, that was GOOD. Really good. I loved how you began with the "put"s and ended with them. Really made it feel complete. I have friends that live in "rougher" neighborhoods where this kind of thing happens on a regular basis, and they feel the same way as your character here. So, points for realism!

Okay, now for the nitpicks.

"My bed is right next to both the windows in my room. It high too."

I'm guessing you meant to write, "It's high, too."

"Dad is tired, tired of living in this house, no the neighborhood."

Typo alert: "no this neighborhood" doesn't make any sense.

"Me, I just hope that no one is hurt; I hope and pray that my family doesn't get hurt."

This is a bit repetitive. You might want to change it to, "Me, I just hope and pray my family doesn't get hurt, or anyone else." Something like that.

Those were pretty much the only nitpicks that I have.

"I can still hear them, in my head. So, instead of sleeping, because that won't happen, I write this. Hoping, wishing, wanting, to hear anything else. I don't, and I know I'll fall asleep with the sound of the gunshots as a lullaby."

I quoted this because I felt it was particularly strong. Although this whole piece is really great, the ending I loved most of all. It was written beautifully, and wrapped up your short nicely.

This was epic; awesome work.

Hello LifeUnknown, Cheetah here to review your story!

I enjoyed reading this. It was simple, and it was captured in a moment. I liked that. I also liked the 'Putts.' that were at the beginning and end of this story. It creates a dramatic tension and makes it feel more real.

It was, however, missing a certain essence. What's the time period? Maybe you could provide clues to that and the reason there's always gunfire. Does it have to do with where they live?

The house, which was full of life just a few seconds ago, is dead silent. No one moves; the dog is barking.

That was beautiful!