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E - Everyone

seven days

by Liberty


day one -
we shopped for food

day two -
we cleaned the plates

day three -
we chilled

day four -
we made some rolls

day five -
we cooked and cooked

day six -
we slept all day

day seven -
we watched t.v.


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8 Reviews


Points: 82
Reviews: 8

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Tue Jan 07, 2020 5:31 am
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BeeTeaDubs525 wrote a review...



Hi there! I can’t understand your goal or purpose in writing this. I feel like it’s a short answer to what you did over holiday vacation. Maybe you could expand on the why and how spending the days made you feel. Day three threw it off rhythm to me. Feels like a small vocabulary choice. Maybe ‘relaxed’, ‘unwinded’. The lack of capitalization makes this all seem a little to simple to keep me interested. However! I still value the effort you put forth in writing this piece. Keep learning!

Main point* Continue to learn, experiment with adjectives, add details!

Great effort.




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! =)



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14 Reviews


Points: 119
Reviews: 14

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Sat Jan 04, 2020 12:13 am
CJ6233 says...



Hi! I was not really sure what I expected when I clicked on this after reading the description but it definitely was not this. Although this is good, I feel like this could be expanded on, I mean, reading this, I was really confused and like, 'ok...' and was kind of expecting a little poem or even the whole thing to be styled as almost a diary type poem, like where you start of one section is about day one, and the next section is day two if you catch my drift. Honestly, if you ignore my advice I won't mind because this is your work and you don't have to do anything about this if you don't want to. I just thought it might be nice so if anyone did look at this they could see something and be like 'wow!' more than just confused.

Sorry if any of what I said was offensive to you. I just like to be as honest as possible.

Have a nice day! And a nice 2020! :)




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14 Reviews


Points: 119
Reviews: 14

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Sat Jan 04, 2020 12:13 am
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CJ6233 wrote a review...



Hi! I was not really sure what I expected when I clicked on this after reading the description but it definitely was not this. Although this is good, I feel like this could be expanded on, I mean, reading this, I was really confused and like, 'ok...' and was kind of expecting a little poem or even the whole thing to be styled as almost a diary type poem, like where you start of one section is about day one, and the next section is day two if you catch my drift. Honestly, if you ignore my advice I won't mind because this is your work and you don't have to do anything about this if you don't want to. I just thought it might be nice so if anyone did look at this they could see something and be like 'wow!' more than just confused.

Sorry if any of what I said was offensive to you. I just like to be as honest as possible.

Have a nice day! And a nice 2020! :)




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review. I definitely get what you mean - I meant it to be short and simple, because most of the time, I suck at writing descriptive poems, if you know what I mean. cx So for this one, I tried being simple and straightforward, telling people what happened each day. And no! None of this was offensive! Thanks again! (:



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454 Reviews


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Reviews: 454

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Tue Dec 31, 2019 10:31 pm
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Rascalover wrote a review...



Hey!
Here for a review. This piece is so small and simple, and that is my favorite thing about this piece. I would love if the seven days told a story, but to me there's no continuity to each day. I get there is some significance to food because most of this poem is about food, buying it, eating it, cleaning up after it, but what is the significance? And, if the description hadn't mentioned anything about the holidays, I would have no idea this poem was about any particular seven days, let alone the holidays.
Hope this helps,
Rascalover <3




Liberty says...


Thank you for the review! It definitely helps. =)



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111 Reviews


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Tue Dec 31, 2019 9:04 pm
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tgham99 wrote a review...



This is a very nice, concise poem that I found brought out a lot of holiday-esque feelings/scenes in my mind. The idea of making rolls and sleeping all day during holiday break are simple, yet enjoyable images to have before me. I like that the poem is simple and consistent in structure, and you accomplish your goal of outlining a few holiday activities without going into too much detail. At times, less is more, and I feel like this is a perfect example of that.




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!




Patience is the strength of the weak, impatience is the weakness of the strong.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher