Young Writers Society

The Flying Penguins

by Lib

~Beginning Of Act One~

JILL runs into the house

JILL: You wouldn’t believe what happened last night. It was the weirdest thing! Can you guess what it was?

JILL sits down next to JENNIFER on the couch

JENNIFER: What? It started snowing?

JILL: No, I saw a flock of - it’s gonna sound weird - flying penguins!

JENNIFER: You coulda come up with something funnier, ya know.

JILL: I saw them! At first, I couldn’t believe my own eyes! But, I was like, Merlin’s beard! Flying penguins!

JENNIFER: You were probably half-asleep or something. That’s impossible, Jill.

JILL: I swear I did! I even asked Jay - you know, my brother - to see the penguins and I asked him if he saw the penguins as well, and guess what? He. Said. Yes.

JENNIFER: You’ve gone berserk.

JILL: Well, if Jay’s seen it, why don’t you believe it now, Jen?

JENNIFER: I dunno. (pause) I still don’t believe you, so don’t get your hopes so high up, young lady.

JILL: So you agree?

JENNIFER: First tell me exactly how they looked like, and maybe - just maybe - I might believe you.

JILL: Mkay. I saw them when I woke up to get some water. I went down to the kitchen, and you know how there’s a huge window where the sink is? Yeah, I looked through there, and I saw these tiny specs of black and whitish things in the sky. It looked super odd, so I brought down my telescope - the one Gran had gifted me last year - and used that to look up and check it out. They had white bellies, and as far as I could tell, the rest of their bodies were black. And they were flapping their wi - I mean - arms? I guess that’s what you’d call it since they don’t really have wings to fly wi -

JENNIFER: Ha! I knew it! They don’t fly, you fool!

JILL: Oh, shut up, you know what I mean.

JENNIFER: Whatever.

JILL: Anyways, I realized they were penguins. But they had an odd sort of thing on their head, so they might as well have been a different species of them that flew, know what I mean? Anyway, it was super cool. And just to make sure I hadn’t gone crazy or something, I went back up the house and woke up Jay to ask him if he saw the same thing. He looked through his window, and yeah. He saw the penguins, and so did I. It was plain madness, but I know what I saw.

JENNIFER: Well, it sounds realistic enough.

JILL: You believe me.

JENNIFER: There has to be a downside to this. There’s always a downside to things, Jill, if you hadn’t noticed.

JILL: Augh, don’t remind me. Father and Mother have given me and Jay a lifetime ban from reading fantastical books, or anything fiction. They think that me and Jay have gone crazy because of reading all that “junk”. Also, they’re making us go to a psychologist for this!

JENNIFER: Why a psychologist?

JILL: I don’t even know. They told us about it this morning.

JENNIFER: I’m laughing so hard from inside right now.

JILL: Oh shut up. I still read books, obviously. I have them stuffed under my mattress. (pause) Stop laughing already! It’s not at all funny!

There’re half a dozen penguins flying right outside the window right in front of them, swooping in and out of sight

JILL: Hey, oh my gosh, Jen, it’s the penguins!

JILL jumps up, making the coffee table fall over, pointing at the window

JENNIFER slowly gets up, pointing a shaking finger towards the window

JENNIFER: Oh my heavens! There are.

Jennifer faints, falling back onto the couch

Jill grins at the penguins, completely ignoring Jennifer

~End Of Act One~

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Points: 6713
Reviews: 130

Thu Sep 17, 2020 2:34 am
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Stellarjay wrote a review...

Hello Liberty
Just here for a RevMo2020 review, but you probably already guessed that ;) ANYWAYS, this was fun script to read and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Some Tips

I’m laughing so hard from inside right now.

This doesn't sound natural, like something that someone would say. Something like this would sound better "HAHAHAHAHAHA" It has a better affect and will make the audience laugh along to, at least I would.

2. You probably already realized this, but..
There’re half a dozen penguins flying right outside the window right in front of them, swooping in and out of sight

It should be in italics.

Overall, your script was really nice. I think it's good on it's own and makes for a good comedy skit. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!

Lib says...

Thanks for the review!!

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83 Reviews

Points: 1556
Reviews: 83

Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:49 am
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MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...

Hi Liberty!

This is a happiness-inducing piece. It was fun to read out. I was wondering if Jill just saw weirdly shaped clouds but oh heck, it's THE FLYING PENGUINS!

It's been a month since you published it; I wonder if you've been working on the the second act. It's a cool premise and there's so many ways it could go.

One criticism may be that it was hard to immediately believe that Jennifer would just faint at the sight of the flying penguins, while at the same sight Jill could be in so much awe. Because the dialogue had me thinking that Jen is the more mature/older one. But that brings me to a potential revelation I had maybe ten seconds ago.

ARE THE FLYING PENGUINS ACTUALLY FIGHTER JETS? I'm starting to visualize something like Thanos's ship appearing out of the clouds in Endgame. I wouldn't mind the plot-twist. That could be very interesting.

Also, I wonder how Jill initially saw the penguins. It was at night. Should've been too dark.

I don't have any other problems with the piece. More exposition? (What's the time period, are there airships in that region, how old are they actually etc.) There's room for that in the next chapters if there will be next chapters. I'm just intrigued.

Have a good day and I hope the review helps.



Lib says...

It does help, thank you! And I'm afraid I won't be making anymore scenes to this. :( But thanks anyway!

That's sad to know. :(

Lib says...

Sorry!! But there is my other script -> You're Too Young. It's also pretty humorous, and it has four scenes instead of one, if you wanna read that!

I'll definitely give that a read

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18 Reviews

Points: 1939
Reviews: 18

Thu Dec 12, 2019 8:08 pm
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clarevelyn13 wrote a review...

Hello, Liberty!

Firstly, I enjoyed reading your work, and I liked the comical parts in it! I decided to write a review in order to point out a couple things that I noticed, but for the most part, I would say you have a good idea going here.

I like your dialogue interchange between the two characters, particularly in the beginning of the Act. I think towards the middle things got a little bit harder to follow, and the end of the Act sort of wrapped up a little quickly. However, it was certainly comical and provided a fun little scene I was able to imagine as I was reading.

More specifically, one sentence that I thought could be reworded in order to make more sense would be the one spoken by Jill that says, "I swear I did! I even asked Jay - you know, my brother - to see the penguins and I asked him if he saw the penguins as well, and guess what? He. Said. Yes."
After reading this piece of dialogue, I think you may be able to eliminate the "to see the penguins and I asked him." This would help the dialogue to flow more naturally in the conversation.

Another critique, just grammatically, is when Jennifer asks Jill to explain what the penguins looked like, and then she might believe her. Instead of saying, "exactly how they looked like," I think it should be "exactly what they looked like."

Sooo yeah! Keep on writing - it will be fun to read what you have planned next, if you keep going with this! Also, these are just my opinions, so of course I do not want to come across as being too harsh.

Okay, that's all! -c

Lib says...

Thanks for the review - it's very helpful! :)

clarevelyn13 says...

No problem! I'm glad I could help, even just a little :) -c

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky