Published April 21, 2005
You took my perfect picture,
And tore it all apart,
Reached inside my chest,
And crushed my precious heart.
Opened up my mind,
To things I never knew,
Letting all my thoughts,
Go suddenly askew,
You took my happy life,
Flipped it upside down,
Forced my tears to fall,
But left me here to drown,
Painted false ideas,
In the corners of my mind,
Covered up my eyes,
And caused me to go blind.
But all that you have done,
All that you’ve put me through,
Will never change the fact,
That I’ll always love you.
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Canary word: Present
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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Yes, me too i agree with most the other people, and what they've said. The rhyming was basicly perfect. Very original ending. Keep on writing in the free world.
I pretty much agree with everyone else. I barely noticed the rhyming, and it seemesd pretty natural. So good job and keep writing!
Thanks for the comments.. & yes, I agree, I could probably do without rhyming, but for some reason.. I stink even worse at non-rhyming poetry. (Lol). Well, thank you all very much!
Yes, it does rhyme pretty well. I really don't know what it's like to be in that sort of situation, but I think what it could use is more of a personal flavour, you know, so it doesn't sound like a generic "You betrayed me" poem. Poetry of this topic is often best served in free-verse rather than rhyming poetry.
Great!! The good thing about this is that the rhyming didn't sound forceful-as it does in other poems. It was also full of emotion. Good job and Keep Writing!!
~Lollipop~
wooooooooooooooooow
i must confess i really liked that piece of work.
its eally great....especially the rhymes