Published December 26, 2004
We are total opposites,
Nothing do we share,
So why is it that..
In my dreams last night,
You were suddenly there?
I tell myself I’m crazy,
That an “us” is really weird,
So why is it that..
I find myself calling you,
& wanting what I’ve feared.
We’ll never be together,
There’s just no way in hell,
So why is it that..
Every time I tell these lies,
I realize, I tripped & fell.
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Please don't revive four-year-old threads! There are plenty of lonely new poems sitting around just waiting for your critiques.
I like it there is a certain thought that came to my head while reading this good poem something from school subject called physics Opposites attract
This was alright, but I think I've heard many of these ryhmes before. It's totally cliche, and doesn't sound personal - rather, totally impersonal, which is the opposite of what this poem should be trying to achieve.
I tell myself I'm crazy/That an "us" is really weird.....try something different. I didn;t like this line. If you reworded it or wrote it differently it might be better. The two dots are unnecessary on that third line. Actually you have them in each stanze. I'd remove them.
It's a really weak ending, if perhaps this was more of a hard-hitting ending or something, I might have forgiven the rest of the pome. But this encompassed everything I had already read.
Oops I'm sounding mean - There are some good points in this poem:
- The first stanza I liked. It was a good intro, and the rhymes seemed much better in this one that in the second.
- There is potential for much better work here, which is great. Change some of the words and describe the "dreams" more, and how it feels to think about you two together.
Your rhyme scheme is very natural and works well up till the last line which in my opinion doesn't really fit very well. Other than that I found this very enjoyable, it flowed well.