The Legend of Atlantis

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm...well this certainly is a really nicely done legend here, its definitely got that correct vibe to it, and its a really interesting story that you've constructed here for said legend. And this is I think a version of this story I haven't heard of at any rate and it was quite a nice read.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once, long ago, before magic was legend, there lived a village by the sea. No fishing happened in this village, there was no swimming or boats moored in harbors. The people of the village feared the ocean, for it was the home of the merfolk. The merfolk were powerful beings, whose songs controlled storms and hearts, whose beauty tempted men to their watery deaths, and whose voices bewitched men and women alike.

And so the humans avoided the ocean. They plugged their ears with beeswax when the merfolk sang, and turned their gaze from the water lest they catch a glimpse of shining scale or toothy smile.

The merfolk were not afraid of the humans, rather they were intrigued by the two-legged creatures at the edge of their territory and none more so than their queen. The queen was loved by her people and exquisitely beautiful, even for the merfolk: with a tail that sparkled like fire even below the waves. She found herself fascinated by the creatures that had neither tail nor magic, and who drowned if you dragged them into the depths.

And so, she went to her best singers and told them to create something for the humans, so that the merfolk and the humans could live in harmony. The singers came up with a plan and together, their voices created an island in the middle of the sea. The humans of the land rejoiced, for this new island gave bountiful harvests and clean water. The city upon the island was built of gleaming white stone, with walls and towers that shone in the sunshine like stardust. It was a paradise.

The humans moved to this new city, now called Atlantis, and lived there happily. They harvested their crops and built gorgeous temples worshipping the merfolk who had given them this boon. Every year, when the tide was the highest, the humans would place their most succulent fruits, richest cuts of meat, and most gorgeous cloth for the merfolk to take back to their home and in return the merfolk directed the storms away from the island and drove fish into the human’s nets.

Together, the merfolk and the humans lived in harmony for many generations. Tales of Atlantis’s beauty and prosperity spread over the land and people flocked to this city, called a paradise on Earth.

One man in particular looked upon Atlantis and saw, not a land of peace and prosperity, but a land that could be all the better if he was in charge. The man was greedy and selfish. He saw the way the people of Atlantis worshiped the merfolk and sneered, thinking that he would make a much better object of worship.

And so he began spreading lies and whispers among the people of Atlantis. He told the people that the merfolk had only created this island to make them complacent and weak, so that the humans would think they couldn’t survive without the aid of the mer.

He’s right, whispered the young people behind their walls. The merfolk only want us to be weak. And so, the poison of the man’s words spread through Altlatis until no one could tell whisper from fact.

And that year, the people denied the merfolk their boon.

Being denied their gifts enraged the folk of the sea and the waves writhed, stirred into a frenzy by their whipping tails. But the kind queen begged her people to not retaliate. She sent three merfolk to the surface to meet with the humans and ask why their boon had been taken away.

The merfolk asked the humans why they had been denied and were met by stony silence and jeering laughter. Led by the greedy human man, the humans stole the three merfolk from the sea and chopped off their heads. They skinned their lovely scales for decoration in the man’s house and plucked their teeth for trophies to hang around their necks.

The queen, when she heard of what had happened to her people, wept, but she still didn’t retaliate. She went to the surface herself, to beg the humans to see reason.

When she never returned, the merfolk grew restless and they carefully swam to the surface. The greedy human man met them with jeers and laughter while the sun flickered off of the scarlet scales of his cloak.

The fury of the merfolk when they saw what happened to their beloved queen was greater than anything a human could imagine, it was not the fury of one spurned, it was the fury of the elements. And together, the merfolk raised their voices and summoned a storm greater than any other seen before or since.

Merciless rains and winds pounded on the walls of Atlantis and brought their gleaming walls crumbling down. The people cried out in despair and begged for the merfolk to stop. But the furious merfolk ignored their pleading and sang all the louder. Water swept through the city and the once-great city of Atlantis and all its people sank below the waves. Never to be seen again

Legend says that if you swim to the bottom of the ocean you can still see it. The gleaming white towers and spires of the dead city, now populated only by the skeletons of those foolish enough to cross the merfolk.

And that is the legend of Atlantis.

I love how it starts out like a fairytale. I feel transported to the world you've created.
"The merfolk were powerful beings, whose songs controlled storms and hearts, whose beauty tempted men to their watery deaths, and whose voices bewitched men and women alike." I love this line, it is very captivating and poetic.

"The merfolk were not afraid of the humans, rather they were intrigued by the two-legged creatures at the edge of their territory and none more so than their queen." This line seemed to me where the story starts.

"She found herself fascinated by the creatures that had neither tail nor magic, and who drowned if you dragged them into the depths." This line is interesting because it almost expresses a level of misunderstanding by the humans who feared the merfolk for dragging them to the depths. But the merfolk only drag them to the depths to bring them to their world.

"The humans moved to this new city, now called Atlantis, and lived there happily. They harvested their crops and built gorgeous temples worshipping the merfolk who had given them this boon."
At what point did the mood the humans toward merfolk change? Was there an encounter that drove this forward? These are the questions I asked as I read this line but, that's just me.

I love how you wove togather a history of Atlantis, to really put in perspective the legend of the underwater city.
I see a theme of human pride in your story and how it can corrupt an entire society.

"He’s right, whispered the young people behind their walls." It's interesting you describe them as young who listened to the selfish man. Perhaps to portray the naivete and how impressionable young folk can be.

"She sent three merfolk to the surface to meet with the humans and ask why their boon had been taken away.
The merfolk asked the humans why they had been denied and were met by stony silence and jeering laughter." I would suggest removing the first part of the second sentence "the merfolk asked the humanswhy they had been denied..." because it seems a bit repetitive since the sentence right before says essentially the same thing.
I would suggest combining the two sentences together to create something like: "She sent three merfolk to the surface to meet with the humans and ask why their boon had been taken away, but were met by stony silence and jeering laughter."

"Led by the greedy human man, the humans stole the three merfolk from the sea and chopped off their heads." That took an aggressive turn!

"The fury of the merfolk when they saw what happened to their beloved queen was greater than anything a human could imagine, it was not the fury of one spurned, it was the fury of the elements." This is just my opinion, but I would suggest making each segment of this sentence three separate ones and formatting it something like this for greater impact:
"The fury of the merfolk when they saw what happened to their beloved queen was greater than anything a human could imagine.It was not the fury one spurned.
It was the fury of the elements."

I love origin stories, so yours really intrigued me. And it was absolutely wonderful. You exceuted it really well through a fairytale format and really good storytelling. It kept me intrigued the entire time.
Great job!

Poetry Misfit

this is stunning! my favorite sentence is "legend says that if you swim to the bottom of the ocean you can still see it. great story! Bravo!!!

Well, hallo there! My name is Onkle Peter, and I'm a member of this here system. While Vilnius is napping, I'm going to be writing some reviews to help him out a bit while also helping you get some well-deserved feedback. How's that sound?

Once, long ago, before magic was legend, there lived a village by the sea. No fishing happened in this village, there was no swimming or boats moored in harbors. The people of the village feared the ocean, for it was the home of the merfolk. The merfolk were powerful beings, whose songs controlled storms and hearts, whose beauty tempted men to their watery deaths, and whose voices bewitched men and women alike.

And so the humans avoided the ocean. They plugged their ears with beeswax when the merfolk sang, and turned their gaze from the water lest they catch a glimpse of shining scale or toothy smile.

The merfolk were not afraid of the humans, rather they were intrigued by the two-legged creatures at the edge of their territory and none more so than their queen. The queen was loved by her people and exquisitely beautiful, even for the mer, with a tail that sparkled like fire even below the waves. She had long had a fascination with the strange creatures, who had neither magic nor tail and died when they went too deep into the water.

And so, she went to her best singers and told them to create something for the humans, so that the merfolk and the humans could live in harmony. The singers came up with a plan and together, their voices created an island in the middle of the sea. The humans of the land rejoiced, for this new island gave bountiful harvests and clean water. The city upon the island was built of gleaming white stone, with walls and towers that shone in the sunshine like stardust. It was a paradise.

Hi Myth here to review for you!

Once, long ago, before magic was legend, there lived a village by the sea. No fishing happened in this village, there was no swimming or boats moored in harbors. The people of the village feared the ocean, for it was the home of the merfolk. The merfolk were powerful beings, whose songs controlled storms and hearts, whose beauty tempted men to their watery deaths, and whose voices bewitched men and women alike.

He’s right, whispered the young people behind their walls. The mer only want us to be weak. And so, the poison of the man’s words spread through Altlatis until no one could tell whisper from fact.

And that year, the people denied the merfolk their boon.[/qoute]

I love how realistic and yet mythical this sounds and it's a great cliffhanger to keep people (even if they already know the story) reading.

The greedy human man met them with jeers and laughter while the sun flickered off of the scarlet scales of his cloak.

this is a really good way of describing the man's personality even more as well as continuing the story and keeping people reading.

Legend says that if you swim to the bottom of the ocean you can still see it. The gleaming white towers and spires of the dead city, now populated only by the skeletons of those foolish enough to cross the mere.

Wow! That was great, I love it.