z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Extra Chronicle 1: The Sword and Servent

by Lezuli


Hours before the events in Chronicle 3: In the Otherworld

“Valarian of the Foxes,” the cold voice of the Red Elder never failed to make me feel small as a kit again. “We have called you here for something important.”

Important to them, he meant. Though I hated bowing to the will of another, my name compelled me to do so. The bindings on my person given to me by my creators were strong indeed. What I wouldn’t give to be free of them.

“And what would that be?” I asked, looking up from my bow. Sitting in a circle in a ledge in the cave in front of me, were the Four Ancient Foxes. Red, grey, brown, and black, each one of them stared down at me like I was so much less than them. Their many tails fanned out behind them like a peacock’s tail. My own tails were out now, the Elders forbid me from hiding them for my own comfort when in their presence.

“Something terrible in beginning to take shape in the Great Worlds,” the Grey Elder told me, her voice softer than that of her male counterpart. She was always the kindest to me, the closest thing I had ever had to a mother. Though her compassion for me only flowed when I did as she pleased.

“The Balance has been upset,” the Black Elder spoke next, she was the youngest of them, and the one most prone to acting anything like me. I had always liked her the most.

“We have felt the truth of this,” the Brown Elder continued. He was one to go along with whatever the others did, he was possibly more of their puppet than I was. “Though we do not know what caused this.”

The fighting between the Supernaturals and the humans, most likely. Though I did not dare to say such things aloud lest I look like I was defending the humans. The Supernaturals had for centuries used the Middleworld as grounds for their conflicts, inciting hatred for them from the humans. If the humans had decided to fight back in earnest, instead of letting the Great Beasts retaliate for them, then the Balance could have been upset.

I did not expect the Elders to think of that. The Elders hated all other beings on these worlds that were not foxes. They viewed even the Great Beasts and the Dues Kings as lesser creatures fit for them to do whatever they wanted with them. For this reason, they had long since stopped coming out of their den in the Otherworld. Satisfied to sit and watch events play out and use me as their pawn if they so desired.

Lazy, arrogant, cruel, and above all, my masters. My only consolidation for their control over me was that they did not call for me often, which allowed me to live my own life. Wild and free, away from all those that seeked domination over me.

I was the Fifth of the Four Ancient Foxes, their Sword and Servent, and a power like mine came with a price so great that sometimes I wished I could die so I wouldn’t have to bear it.

“Whatever is to come of this unrest will certainly bring ruin and damnation to all the Great Worlds,” the Red Elder told me, picking up where the Brown had left off. “The Great Beasts will not let this go unpunished."

I wondered, what would that ruin and damnation look like? Would, when the dust of this catastrophe settled, I be free? I doubted it.

“Why would you so far from the goings on of the world care about this?” I asked as humbly as I could. If I could get them to assume they would be safe from this, then I would be left alone to do what I pleased.

“All will be affected by this,” the Red said, his words like a lightning strike. “That includes us.”

And me, but I doubted they even thought of me as a being separate from them. But, if what the Elders were talking about came to pass, then all of my fun would end as well. Perhaps doing this for the Elders could benefit me as well.

“We wish for you to find out what is going on,” the Grey instructed me, “Go to the Great Beasts and learn the truth. What is going to happen and how will we be safe from it?”

Easier said than done, I supposed. How would I get the Great Beasts to listen to me short of fighting them into submission? “I do not know if they will listen to me,” I hedged. I did not want to risk their wrath, but I could not simply leave with this little information.

“Then make them,” the Black rolled her eyes in a mockery of humankind, “You are immortal, are you not? We made it so, after all. Dying is nothing for you to fear.”

Fools, they were. In all their years they still did not understand that their power, however strong, was nothing compared to that of the first Supernaturals. The Great Beasts were connected to the magic of the worlds far more closely than any of us. How else could they possibly see the Balance when we remained blind?

But I could not disobey them. My power was nothing in the face of their chains.

“I hear, and I obey,” I replied, bowing once again, before fleeing from the den and into the sunshine of the Otherworld.

I was free of them, out in the sunshine and mists of my home world, but my task still weighed heavily on my shoulders. To gain information from the Great Beasts at any costs. A death sentence for many, possibly including me. I had never fought one of the originals, I valued my own life too much for that nonsense.

Though I knew of those that had tried, and failed.

Before I could start this, there was something I had to do. I had to see Tyr. As a warrior-hunter who still fought on the human side against Supernaturals, he may have noticed something wrong in the Great Worlds.

I certainly had not. Not that that was surprising to me, I did not commonly pay much attention to things that did not directly involve me. Thinking back, however, I did seem to notice that I was involved in a lot more large-scale conflicts than usual this past month. Perhaps that was a result of what the Elders told me about.

Regardless, Tyr deserved to know, and if I told him, then he would owe me. I had more than enough reason to pay him a visit. Satisfied with this decision, I called up my foxfire, and dived through the worlds.

I reappeared on the island Tyr lived on. Unbidden, the memory of the day I met Fen for the first time, rose in my mind. I pushed it aside, now was not the time for useless reminiscence.

Though the memory served to remind me of something else.

If the Great Worlds were in chaos, then what did that mean for the Great Beast that Tyr has raised as a human?


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Wed Sep 09, 2020 9:54 pm
WaterSpout wrote a review...



Hello, Lezuli, here to review!
Finally got over to reading the next chapter - or wait, would it be the first chapter of another series? I mean, chapter 6 didn't end where this starts, so I'm assuming this is another part...?
Also,

Hours before the events in Chronicle 3: In the Otherworld

I am not familiar with that; did I miss something, or is it a future chapter? I'm sorry if I don't remember, but I haven't read them in a long time.
With that being said, I'll go right ahead and get started.

My own tails were out now->,<- the Elders forbid me from hiding them for my own comfort when in their presence.

The wording doesn't really make that comma fit there. Either change it to a semicolon or add one of these two words: 'because' or 'since.'

“Something terrible in(I think you meant 'is') beginning to take shape in the Great Worlds,” the Grey Elder told me, her voice softer than that of her male counterpart. She was always the kindest to me, the closest thing I had ever had to a mother. Though her compassion for me only flowed when I did as she pleased.

“The Balance has been upset,” the Black Elder spoke next, she was the youngest of them, and the one most prone to acting anything like me. I had always liked her the most.

“We have felt the truth of this,” the Brown Elder continued. He was one to go along with whatever the others did, he was possibly more of their puppet than I was. “Though we do not know what caused this.”

I like how you used the dialogue as an excuse to describe all the Foxes and how Val views them. This is very clever.

The fighting between the Supernaturals and the humans, most likely. Though I did not dare to say such things aloud lest I look like I was defending the humans. The Supernaturals had for centuries used the Middleworld as grounds for their conflicts, inciting hatred for them from the humans. If the humans had decided to fight back in earnest, instead of letting the Great Beasts retaliate for them, then the Balance could have been upset.

That's why I thought...

I did not expect the Elders to think of that. The Elders hated all other beings on these worlds that were not foxes. They viewed even the Great Beasts and the Dues Kings as lesser creatures fit for them to do whatever they wanted with them. For this reason, they had long since stopped coming out of their den in the Otherworld. Satisfied to sit and watch events play out and use me as their pawn if they so desired.

This totally changes my view of the Four Great Foxes. I thought they'd be more gallant, noble, and honorable. Also I sort of, kind of thought... they died.

And that's all the time I had, and all the words I had. Hopefully, you found this useful and not rushed. I was not rushing, it's just that I'm hurrying a bit more than usual. Anyways, happy writing!
With caution,

WaterSpout




Lezuli says...


As always, thank you very much for your review. This chapter was originally going to be chapter 4, but I decided it was too short so I scrapped it. Then I decided that a little more information about the Four Ancient Foxes was a good thing, so I put it in as an Extra Chapter. What I mean about 'hours before the events in Chronicle 3' is that this takes place before chapter 3. Does that clear it up?



WaterSpout says...


Yes it does, I feel so slow XD



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Tue Sep 08, 2020 3:30 pm
WitherCreepr451 says...



I really like this so far! I would love to read more, it really hooks readers into knowing what the story will be about. The gaping holes make me want to keep on reading so you can fill them in. No punctuation or spelling errors (except one in the beginning, but that is alright :) ), which is something that often drags readers out. I hope you keep writing, your story is nothing like the ones I have read!




Lezuli says...


Wow! Thank you very much! I'm super happy you enjoyed this! If you liked it, feel free to check out the rest of the story!



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Mon Sep 07, 2020 7:50 pm
Overwatchful wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
I enjoyed this segment, as always! Your writing is really improving, and there's not much for me to correct!

I'll point out what I did find, then go and wait eagerly for the next chapter!

Sitting in a circle in a ledge in the cave in front of me, was the Four Ancient Foxes.

"Was" should be "were," here. Was is singular, were is plural.

“The Great Beasts will not let this go unpunished.

You're just missing a quotation mark at the end there.

Something I'm noticing, when someone speaks, you tend to put a comma at the end instead of a period. A period is the correct punctuation there, if they are finished speaking.

Other than these, great job as always! I love Valarian's descriptions of the Ancient Foxes, and I can't wait to find out more about the Great Beast that Tyr is raising.

Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242




Lezuli says...


Thank you for noticing all of that! Yes, I notice I tend to mess up my punctuation at the end of my quotation and I'm trying to fix that. I'm very pleased you enjoyed this little segment into the past.




Poetry and prayer are very similar.
— Carol Ann Duffy