So I realize that this is the first poem that I've written in a long time. The idea was attaching the cycle of rebirth to the cycle of seasons. CC encouraged because I'm not the best writer in the world. ** edited line breaks.
Tread softly, the snow’s fading;
Let’s try to make it last.
Gently falling, the flakes;
Reflecting our attitude on life.
Free falling, no direction;
Go with the wind.
Soon it fades, melts and molds
In to something completely new.
Something full of life;
Ambitions, room to grow.
Growing takes time, energy;
Strength during hard times.
Then suddenly, as though it’s been too long...
You’re full, prosperous, at your peak.
Letting your life shine towards others;
And letting them feel the light.
As the weather starts to cool
In that oh-so-familiar way,
Your perceptions start to change,
Along with the colours of the leaves.
Your leaves begin to quiver, shake;
Ruined by the dry, hostile air.
You crumble in fingertips...
Or fall from where you’ve become.
Detaching from life;
As the roots isolate life as if it was put on hold.
Then again, as life begins again..
Slowly falling... pure...
Untouched.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Thank you so much! I'm sitting here with a permagrin.
I was scared it was going to get torn to bits, but thank you for your compliments!
And I was thinking of splitting the lines, but didn't really know how. I'll work on it! Thank you all.
Um, wow. That was absoulutly incredible. I would have had no idea you hadn't written poetry in a long time if you hadn't told us. This is simply incredible. BRAVA!
Kally
Hello, I don't have any real criticism, its simply too good to have any basic flaws I can see, but regarding what I have seen:
1).....Sorry, but there really is nothing, I especially loved how you used the changing seasons to describe the rebirth(of course, its title is seasonal rebirth, but I still believe it deserves special notice).
Very sorry that I have no criticism, ab5986.
Hi, Lexi, welcome to YWS
First of all, I like the way your poem mixes inner feelings with seasons. It has a personal, hopeful feeling to it, kinda like saying that even though we're disappointed or angry, there will always be better times- great job!
I suggest that you break up the lines a little so that it's easier to read, and perhaps describe your feelings a little more so that the reader gets a more vivid picture- but other than that, it's wonderful
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
~Mel