Published December 14, 2010
She sat in her realm of sunlight,
She watched the swallows swoop,
She wished that she could fly with them
Across the bugandy sea...
In all his years of searching,
For never had he found
The right one, the right place
So all his life he had searched for them
Across the burgandy sea...
And so they came together,
The Searcher and the Watcher
She flew, He found
A home on the burgandy sea...
When your out a-sailing
And the sun is at its lowest,
Look up and you will see them
Amid a burgandy sea...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,348 Literary Works • 674,374 Reviews
Oh, and Jash, what do you mean about the title?
Yeah, well, i was in a very wierd mood (well, what do you expect when some maths teacher is trying to teach you statistics)
All I have to say is that the second stanza should be seriously squeezed to keep the flow. Anyway, the rhythm and rhyming were done well, I suppose.
And there's only one typo:
"burgandy..." in the first stanza.
Also, the title, it should be"When the Sun is at its Lowest". Just a thought. =))
Sorry for my worthless review...keep writing!
` jash ♥
The flow isn't quite right but I like how it is sort of like a fairytale like what they would finish a fairytale off with at the end of a book. Good Job!