i wrote this one while siting by a REALLY busy road at about 7:30, when the sun was going down, all of the rooftops i could see were painted golden by the setting sun, but no light was falling on the road.
i never got around to putting this one into stanzas and the rythym is sometimes a bit off but i think the wording's alright.
anyway, on with the poem.
I sit atop my rooftop world,
Pondering reality:
Why do we fear the night,
And what the day will bring?
Change or stand still?
Are hurdles we will never peak
If ever we do decide to think
Of ourselves, the world
We answer
Forever clinging to a veil of lies
So, I sit, wondering
Atop a rooftop world
Gazing at the piccaninny twilight,
That golden, glowing lustre
Why we cannot live our lives
Like the small, feckless clouds
Sauntering along the sky
Never caring, ever daring
To take a risk and fly
Down into the sunset
The wind in their wake,
Why can’t we all live lives like that?
Atop a rooftop world
btw if anyones interested, i have a blog!!!
the address is L3xi-starsofdarknesss.blogspot.com
i kind of mucked up "Spaces" but we'll live.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
I could imagine being on that roof top and I loved how you declared that we shouldn't live like clouds, just going along with every whim of the world, because where's the joy in that? I hope to read more!
Corrections are bolded.
Overall I think it is quite a confusing poem, but once you get your head round it you can understand it and enjoy it.