This poem is a bit weird, but i was sitting in our new car by a REALLY busy road at sunset, the sun was flowing over all the rooftops around me but there was a big shadow across the road and then it came to me. (I hate being away form the mountains!)
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I sit atop my rooftop world,
Pondering reality:
Why do we fear the night,
And what the day will bring?
Change or stand still?
Are hurdles we will never peak
If ever we do decide to think
Of ourselves, the world
We answer
Forever clinging to a veil of lies
So, I sit, wondering
Atop a rooftop world
Gazing at the piccaninny twilight,
That golden, glowing lustre
Why we cannot live our lives
Like the small, feckless clouds
Sauntering along the sky
Never caring, ever daring
To take a risk and fly
Down into the sunset
The wind in their wake,
Why can’t we all live lives like that?
Atop a rooftop world
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Nice poem. I agree that it is all stuck in one lump and that separating it into stanzas would make it more interesting. My favourite line is
, it just sounds nice.Keep it up
Oooh, this is a nice poem. (I miss being away from the mountains too D:) I found it a little challenging to read because it was all in one lump, maybe it could be broken up into stanzas to make it easier?
I enjoyed reading it, it was very... /nice/, but lacking something, I'm not sure if it was depth, but definitely lacking something to make it more memorable. However, it has a lot of potential and I think with a few tweaks here and there it could become a very interesting poem, you are obviously talented. (: Keep writing,
~Crim
I really enjoyed this poem but it seems to be lacking feeling like you were watching a movie without sound if you know what i'm saying its there but its not.
I don't see how this poem is weird I think it is a good idea.
Keep Writing!
Well, this was alright as far as poems go. It just felt like it was lacking some depth...and maybe expanding on the whole theme of it would just be helpful, and strengthening your imagery. On the other hand, it's pretty decent as-is, even if it's nothing spectacular. My suggestion would just be to dig even deeper, but I like the idea.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver