Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
The following is a cockpit recording retrieved by Terran Deep Space Traders after discovering The Spirit of Terra floating on the edges of known space.
I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the inky black void that spans the forward viewport in front of me. The Spirit of Terra floats silently in space, awaiting my command to finally take the plunge into the unknown. First Mate Josiah Nicodemus is standing by his console with apprehension on his face. The Spirit of Terra has a small crew. Just the four of us, Josiah, my gunner's mate Sheridan, the researcher, Tobias, who happened to buy his way into this voyage to collect data for his research and myself I take a deep breath and prepare myself for whatever may come next I hear myself give the order to engage the ion engines. The edge of known space stretches in front of me and everything else fades away. A feeling of peace settles over the bridge as my small freighter shimmers into the space between space. A loud roar fills my ears as we disengage the ion engines and revert back to normal space. We are greeted by nothing. No stars in the sky, no planets. Not even an asteroid floating by. This place we have discovered is vastly empty. I cannot contain the feeling of despair that seeps into me. Without planets or stars to guide our way, we are utterly lost. Then, a dazzling light stabs my eyes. Hundreds of bright stars begin to take shape. A dark object slithers across the viewport and turns towards the Spirit of Terra. Suddenly we are being stared down by thousands of eyes. Each eye easily looks to be the size of a small moon and looks as if it contains its own personal galaxy. If sound could pierce space, I am positive we would've heard a colossal sound as the thing in front of us opens its gaping maw in menace. I give the order to man the escape pods. Before we reach them, the ship is torn in half by a massive tentacle. The vacuum of space sucks Josiah and Tobias away and I quickly lose sight of their bodies. My own emergency space suit activates, sparing me death by suffocation. I reach my escape pod at the same time as Sheridan. She spares me a glance as she slides into the pilot seat of her own pod and presses the button to release. I too press my release button. A soft thud sounds as we both shoot out of the port side of the Spirit of Terra. The enormous space beast grabs both pieces of the freighter as we jettison away from it. it blots out the light from the system behind it as it slowly writhes in fury. Horror strikes me as I realize that the creature has spotted our escape craft. It reaches out and snags Sheridan's pod in another one of its tentacles. The pod begins to disappear into the maw of the beast and I am able to glimpse the look of resigned horror in her eyes as she realizes her fate. Another tentacle bumps into my craft and knocks me further away from the beast as I begin to spin out of control. The horrible creature begins to shrink in the pod's tiny viewport as I float away from the scene. A quick systems check reveals that I have no power any longer. Emergency life support has been engaged and I calculate that I may have a maximum of 3 days until it runs out I pray that the Terran Navy finds me before then. Until such a time, I sit here recording the events that have transpired. As we are the first crew to document such a creature, I have decided to name it The Void Crawler. As for the system, I choose to leave it unnamed, though all of the names that have crept into my mind suggest that I name it negatively. This is Captain Long of the Spirit of Terra, signing off.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the scary S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a report from Captain Long about a strange creature in outer space, something that looks like a void and has long, vicious tentacles. One by one, it picks off crew members, but at least Captain Long is alive…for now, at least.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that it would be a little easier to read if it were all spaced out more, but those are just my thoughts.
Chocolate Bar - I love how this creature is described, it feels like it really is lurking throughout space, its tentacles blending in with the environment. I also like how the person is narrating it all, they were clearly terrified for their life and yet still had to document it. I can’t imagine watching my friends be picked off by some otherworldly creature and not being able to do anything about it but file a report. You’ve captured that well!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a marvelous chapter on the not-so-marvelous eldritch-esque space creature that ate off this character’s friends. I sure do hope that Captain Long will be saved, but I’m not so sure there will be enough time. I’ll check out the prologue of this story and I’ll read the next chapters when they are posted. Now…
I wish you a splendid day/night! ^v^
Firstly, i want to say that this was a great read! It sucked me in quickly, and kept my attention throughout the entire story. It was easily understandably what was happening as i read, and i had a clear mental image of events.
In terms of critiques, there are only a couple small things i can really say. The first is that i noticed some pretty minor grammatical errors, just a couple periods missing towards the start. The next thing is just that it was all one paragraph. It was a bit dense, but still a fun read.
I can't wait to read more of what you publish, Keep up the good work!