As much as I hate communism and all who fight for it, this poem is beautiful. Good job.
9/10
Note: A quick piece, told from the perspective of an old Red Army soldier, recalling the days on which he marched among his comrades.
Written in iambic tetrameter with a 'Chant royal' rhyme scheme. Hopefully more accurately this time around.
Note 2: Error in the description. "An old soldier" is correct.
March of the Red Army
How dark were those long days of war,
so cruel and filled with wrath and flame,
how seared the flesh of men, the gore,
and foes did take our last of fame.
Yet we broke loose, so fierce and bold,
and charged as those above had told,
to strike the helm and pierce the wretch,
and take away our rightful stretch,
oh yes, so did we kill the foe,
and there we saw of war the sketch.
Oh yes, so did we kill the foe!
Behind the fight had left us cold,
Our comrades did we, shaken, hold,
who fell for glory, our homestretch,
a victory to proudly fetch!
Oh yes, so did we valor show,
and into stone our tale we etch!
Oh yes, so did we valor show!
On roads so wide, in trenches deep,
we stand in lines, in eager troves,
prepared our blades and arms we keep,
to dry the mouths of Nazi droves!
The mud and rocks do fill the air,
above our heads is shot a flare,
so Red, as flags of Soviet ranks,
and then rolled in the fearsome tanks,
oh yes, on that day we were free,
and so we give our heartfelt thanks!
Oh yes, on that day we were free!
With wrath we had the foe on shanks,
in flames of rifles, turning cranks,
oh please, my girl, do come for me,
before the foe our force outranks,
oh please, my girl, do come for me!
And when we broke through Nazi lines,
then weary through the streets we marched,
the sun upon you, comrades, shines,
as one we peer from ledges parched,
in union, friends, we staunchly clashed,
against the foe with terror lashed,
the monster we so stiffly broke,
and felled its force in one swift stroke!
How few I killed, such deep regret,
with blood my blade I hadn't soaked,
how few I killed, such deep regret!
Now I ride home, my soul so thrashed,
my breath it broke and conscience slashed,
I say as you and me evoke,
these visions old, beneath the oak,
oh yes, such was the Soviet March,
for then we did protect the folk.
Oh yes, such was the Soviet March!
As much as I hate communism and all who fight for it, this poem is beautiful. Good job.
9/10
The following words will probably confuse many readers here.
wretch, might be confused with retch
comrades - better to use friends or fellow workers
troves, a trove is a collection.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trove
thrashed, better to use beaten or whipped
Soviet better to use Russian
Red Army- Might be taken literally an army of painted red.
seared -- better to use charred, it might be mistaken for seer or prophet.
droves-- might be mistaken for the past tense of drive. Better to say in large numbers.
I thought it was a very intriguing piece. my thoughts are the portion of "Oh yes..." be shortened if not removed, it doesn't seem fitting in the poem i would also think that if you had it before the last stanza it would fit as a good pre-closer. 9/10
okay let me just say that this is absolutely great! I love your rhyme scheme, it flows so smoothly, and it tells a story in the best way. It's just outstanding.
However, :")
I suggest that the repetition of "oh yes" be diminished. It is very distracting and it seems to not belong there. Also when it repeats the last and third line from it, you could try just saying it once, but of course its for emphasis, so it would mostly depend on the reader.
But ye, overall its great, and I look forward to reading more of your work! :"))
Hi there @LeutnantSchweinehund I am hear to do a review on your poem, How dark were those long days of war, okay so I feel like the comers should not be in this bit it should be a question Merck, to strike the helm and pierce the wretch, okay I am not shore what you are saying in this bit, there needs to be more description, oh yes, so did we kill the foe, question mark, Oh yes, so did we kill the foe! Why did you have to say that twise? Oh yes, so did we valor show, valor is not spelt right and question mark, stop saying Oh yes, cos that gets a bit annoying, Oh yes, so did we valor show! You said it twise, to dry the mouths of Nazi droves! Ho is Nazi, oh yes, on that day we were free, you are saying oh yes again, Oh yes, on that day we were free! You said it twise, oh please, my girl, do come for me! You keep on saying things twise, And when we broke through Nazi lines, I think that there should be a the some were, how few I killed, such deep regret! You said this already, Oh yes, such was the Soviet March! You said that already, so that was all that I can say about it, so keep up with the good work. 
From @MoonFlower
120,339 Literary Works • 649,520 Reviews
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