My merry, amusing sentences, bring you emotional Gold.
These very abusing sentences, that won't release their hold.
I feel like I am choking, on a thin laced noose.
Painting over remnants, just to give you a boost.
Why these white lies come, I'll never understand.
Until I do, I don't know if I want to hold your hand...
This sub-conscious feeling is telling me I'm insane,
Forget about the healing when I'm loosing it all again.
These abstract thoughts or memories, these feelings I push aside.
Are slowly rising up, with nowhere to reside.
Am I missing begotten memories? Or simply regret the past?
Leaving me, helplessly, feeling, the days are moving too fast.
Are these white lies choices or black mail from deep within?
Am I happy? or scared? Without you, where do I begin?
I can't seem to see endings to dawning of new days,
with brightly colored mornings, melted in Sun's rays.
I know, when I paint truth white and make it so their not,
Leave the Lie unburdened, so your satisfied with what is got.
I'm sick of this personal confusion and all differences between.
This complex painted delusion and my feelings so unseen.
An undressed withered tourniquet, Hide where white lies come.
Giving false sense of nurture, bringing happiness to some.
I'm scared of being lonely, I'm scared of myself,
but accepting this nature is an addiction in itself.
So until the voice stops whispering, until the deed is done.
I'll lay upon this bed and allow White Lies to come...
This is version of my poem I re-read it to make sure it flows though I'm not too sure if I ruined it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
Hi.
I'm now about to try and write a big comment about your work but, don't worry, it's only because I have to get my work ratio up to write again.
I thought it was good. I found myself remembering times that were mentioned and couldn't help but feel a little guilty!
Anyway, there were a few mistakes(loosing instead of losing!) but hey, nobody is perfect!
Can't wait to read more of your work,
All the best.
Well.. the poem was good. I have to agree with Tassen Spellbinder that the italics were off putting. You also seemed top put 'gold' and 'lie' in capitals, but as they are nouns they don't need to be capitalized.
About the Capitalisation, that's just habit
.
I generally Write in Capitals because it becomes easier to read, eve though I know you should only use them for Nouns, Places and Names.
I put it into Italics because I love Italics. A beautiful way for text, although I know you use it for exageration or syllabol pronounsiation.
Also "Sane" and "Gain" rhyme it was really a play of words, but I understand what you mean, though bthe change would effect the beat and the whole poem. though I wil be honest band say it came from the top of me head x
Before I start the reviews, let me say that I liked this.
The first thing that I noticed is the italics. Is there any particular reason? It's not bad, it's just off-putting.
The next thing I noticed was that you made proper nouns out of things like 'gold' and 'lie' and capitalized them. I would make them lowercase.
On to the things I liked- this poem had an exceptionally gifted rhyme scheme very good beat.
Keep up the good work.
AHHHH FIRST REVIEWWWWW
OK So. I like this, alot! It's freakish beacause I can't write poetry myself but STILL you are awesome. The only problem that I have with it really is the rhyme scheme and such. It seems like it was going all well and dandy until about the second verse, third to fourth line.
Insane and again do not rhyme, but it is easily fixed. Healing and feeling rhyme though all you have to do is switch around a couple of words and VOILA!
Lovells with a marshmallow,
Aimee`