A light stirred me from my dreams and my eyes opened cautiously. There was light and it was coming through the window. The sun finally came out! I ran to the window and stared out into the sun until my eyes hurt from staring. I felt it’s warmth dance across my skin for the first time in many months.
I ran outside and fell to the ground crying, the first sign that change was on the way. I laid there on the dead grass in front of the house soaking in what warmth I could. I lay there for what seemed like hours thinking what other changes this new year could bring about.
I stood up and looked across the newly light horizon, then reality hit me: the city was destroyed. Houses lay in rubble, light posts and electrical lines scattered the streets, cars damaged and unattended on sidewalks, streets, or in driveways. Then I turned to my house and looked up at it. Most of the windows were gone, shingles lay scattered on the ground, and the garage door was crumpled at the back of the garage. I hope my insurance could cover this, I joked to myself. I ran to my back yard to assess the damage back there.
What I saw back there horrified and I will remember it for the rest of my life. The dead body of my neighbor, most of his skin was burnt off, but I recognized him from the necklace he always wore around his neck. I turned around and puked all over the ground and quickly ran back into my house before I saw any more.
I put my back to the door after I shut and slid down to the floor crying. The life I had a few months was gone, people I knew were all probably dead. I went to my tv and pressed power hoping for something to happen: nothing. I picked up my battery radio and turned it one. All I heard was static. I started moving it through the different channels, but all I got was static. Then a miracle happened; I heard a voice.
“If some-” said a voice as I passed by it said. I quickly turned back and heard deep breathing. “Please, if someone is.....help. My food supplies are low and,” static sounded over the radio and I feared I lost it, but the voice came back, “at the All Rock Sta....Maple street. My name is Travis Jerome. Please if anyone can here this, I need help.” Then static sounded over the radio again and the voice didn’t speak again.
Someone else was alive, I nearly jumped with joy and the prospect of not being the last one left alive in the aftermath of the war. I jumped up and ran into my kitchen searching for what food I had left. I opened cupboard after cupboard finding bad bread and other disgusting food that looked as though it were twenty years over the expiration date. Then I found the miracle food, canned goods. The food that can stay in a can for a long time and still taste good when opened. I ran up back to the room where I first woke to the sunlight and pulled a worn suitcase under my bed and opened up my drawers and got whatever clothing I could find and throw them in, then I ran downstairs, and threw the miracle food in. I was now prepared to set out.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was quite a good story. Even though the title kind of gives away the entire plot of the story, I was kind of relieved to find out that this wasn't just another end-of-the-word zombie apocalypse story. The story is based on a dystopian world or a world where society is marred by the effects of war. Its a pretty believable and realistic situation, and I liked the fact that nothing felt artificial or forced about this world you have created.
I was very confused by the beginning. I could not understand what you were trying to imply here - that the narrator had slept through the entire war? The way he wakes up and reacts to this world around him kind of suggests that he knows exactly what happened but he has no memory of it. You can understand why that would confuse your readers. For all we know, this could very well be a bad dream that the narrator was yet to wake up from. I cannot think of another reason why he would be so surprised to see the sun shine outside his house. The city could not have been under an eternal cover of rainclouds for months now, could it?
I did not like how this realization came about so suddenly - like this was a fact a person could forget in the first place. The narrator's realization was too surprised to be believable. He gives us a short account of the state of things in the present moments, but it is just your typical description of a post-apocalyptic world. The way you skimmed over the details of the war was slightly sketchy, it made me feel as if you had not thought that part out properly yet. You need to give us some background on this world you have created, otherwise it feels like we are stepping in unarmed into this universe of your creation without any prior information. It also builds some confusion in our heads as we struggle to imagine what happened to lead to that moment.
That was a pretty realistic reaction right there. I like the fact that despite the slightly sketchy and unfinished detailing of this world you have created, you have still managed to firmly establish your character through this short piece. His emotions are very clear and realistic and the character itself seems very fleshed out. We can empathize with the narrator even when we don't know what exactly is going on and that tells you that you have succeeded in creating a real-to-life strong character, with whom your readers can connect.
I did not like this transition here. It seemed to happen too quickly to be believable. Also, it was really opportune how the man seemed to narrate all the important details about his location and food situation, just when the narrator was trying out the different radio stations. Even so, the narrator's reaction was believable enough and I an understand the desperation with which he immediately started packing a bag with his essentials as if he was leaving for a last-minute vacation.
The story took an interesting turn then and I feel like it has more to say. This cannot be the ending. What happened to the man in the radio? Did the narrator ever get to him? Were they really the last two people? There's a lot of unanswered questions I wished I knew the answers to. But overall, this was still a rather good story.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Hmm....this is a nice little short about a survivor of an apocalypse and I have to say I like it quite a bit. The description feels a little bit rushed as if we aren't quite getting the picture as well as we could but then someone suffering as much shock as our protagonist probably wouldn't be noticing this in huge detail so I think it makes sense in context. The character's emotions seem pretty realistic as well and that in itself makes this a pretty smooth story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Pretty intriguing start that you have got here. It is definitely going to hook readers in.
This seems like a pretty realistic reaction that you have here.
Quite a shock right there although the transition here feels a little rushed from just joking about to insurance to this dead body. The emotion reaction that follows however is pretty realistic and the pacing on that feels a lot smoother to read.
Nice little bit of hope right there.
This ending right here is a little suspect. The way you describe the canned good just sounds far too much like a commercial and it really detracts a bit from the seriousness in my opinion. It just is a little too cartoonish in the context of everything else that is going on here.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was a pretty well written and fairly realistic apocalypse survival story. It was easy to keep track of what was going on and the main character shows some really good and quite realistic sounding emotions. The flow of the piece besides a couple of choppy transitions and the ending that I mentioned above was pretty good. Overall a fun little story to read.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I like this. It gives an accurate portrait of how a survivor would feel.
I like this a lot.
(addicted to sci-fi)
This bit sounds like he only just noticed, like he slept through the war (that might be the case, but if so please state it.) Maybe he should remember or something else like that.
I like this a lot, looking at the title it's an apocalypse story (they're always fun)