Only trying it out. Hope you like it or hate it, doen't really matter. 
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Chapter 1: Queen Grace's court
Queen Grace paced up and down on the wood floor with those stupid pinchy shoes,she stopped as she remembered her homeland Rodegna, how she missed it, where she would walk every summer morning in a small clearing in the forest with her brother and sister, she liked the feeling of her bare feet agains the soft grass and feeling the sun's warm rays againt her face, but she yearned most was the sweet scent of pine needles and the sound of her sister's songs.
The door opened and out came a stout little old man, his hair was grey and he had little spectacles falling off his nose, he had small feed and a mustache they say was the hight of fashion, ten years ago.
"Your highness the king will be with you in just a moment" the little man said in a voice that was a little high, he putted is spectacles in there place, and walking away to a table with stacs of papers in neat piles.
After more walking up and down the door opened and out came Luther, king of Eleen and sadly her husband. They never wanted to marry, it was only an act of peace there parents had set up.
"Grace, loved your little 'gift', it was a one in a kind" he said, meening 'gift' as the little pay backs they gave each other, like muddy gowns, worm soup, and the most reccent, suprise cake with extra horse doo and waking up in the thrown room with a beak and some feathers and all the lords and ladies in a strange 'party'.
"It was nothing Luther, only an act of thanks for you 'gift'" Grace said walking in the office, it was diffrent from her fathers, but of course, there are diffrent people. The office had some paintings of kings and queens, and Graces favorite, a painting of the forest with a wolf that seemed to look at you through gold eyes, the table, in the middle of the room had some books, papers, quills and a statue of a horse that served as a paperwait. "I hope you have heard of the war, wouldn't want to leave the king behind, Borome has attaked the city of Rud and moving north, and the rumors of armies being formed by those horrible black magic Ziths and the Kingdom of Lineez." She said sitting down on a red velvet chair.
"Who could not hear with all those ladies of your talking about it?" he said closing the door.
"I have already sent a letter to Rodegna, and the twin Kingdoms, Linete and Winnezel, I wonder when they will make peace, there brother and sister." she said ignoring his comment of her ladies in waiting.
"What is the letter for?"
"To join us if war really happens, i have tried to sent a letter to the white magic Zith but everybody to scared to send a message."
"I will set the army incase" he said in a low voice with a spark of worry in his face.
"You should, up well i have to go, I'll see you tonight at the banquet" She said getting up and going out of the door, when the door closed behind her she left to the library, her favorite place.
But she did not know how bad the war was till that nights attack.
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A Zith: Creature i invented with the world of Anlyss. Form of a human with marks on ther arms, forcing them to wear gloves when they liven in other places that wasn't there home land, for the humans are scared of there power. Protectors of light and darkness.
Anlyss: Well, a world i created.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,848 Reviews
Thanks for the reviews.
. There might be grammar errors cause i learned to write first in spanish, when i was little of course, but my mother is American so i had to learn to write in english and i am still learning, and some words may be a little wrong to 'cause my keyboard isn't verry good, someone in my family is always using the other computer with the good keyboard. 
I enjoyed this and think some of your ideas are interesting.
I especially liked the slight humour you used at one point my favourite was this piece
I literally laughed out loud when I read this. I think it takes a lot of talent to be able to drop things like that in, I know I can't, keep writng you have lots of talent.
#FF0000 ">Foward, should be forward, and in this case, walking up and forward share the same meaning, so eliminate up or forward, depending on which you prefer.
#FF0000 ">Instead of saying, "With her pinchy shoes," maybe you could say, "Queen Grace paced back and forth on the wood floor, her uncomfortable shoes pinching her feet."
#FF0000 ">Maybe you could separate this sentence into multiple ones, because it seemed awkward, but this is just an opinion.
Based on your original sentence, allow me to suggest how I would phrase it, "As she paced, her thoughts turned towards how much she missed her homeland, Rodegna. She remembered how she would walk in a small clearing in the forest, accompanied only by her brother and sister. She had relished the feeling of her bare feet against the soft grass and the (I added the the for consistency's sake) feeling of the sun's rays warming her face."
#FF0000 ">This whole sentence does not evidence much feeling, so I would revise that a bit.
#FF0000 ">I felt like you were telling and explaining too much here and "away," in my opinion, was not needed.
#FF0000 ">I think we understand that the Queen continued to pace, so I think you should describe her performing a different action, or at least say something like, "The queen still continued to walk, paying no heed to her surroundings, when . . . " I am not saying my version is better than your's, but you understand my point.
#FF0000 ">I do not have the time to continue, but I like the plot of your story from what I have read. Also, I am not an experienced writer myself, so if I made any incorrect corrections on your story, I apologize.
Best of luck and keep writing, you are a good writer,
Teddy the Bear
Hey there, I'm Lauren and I'll be reviewing for you today.
This was an interesting beginning, though I don't feel there was much to it. And I noticed several spelling and grammar errors that I'm sure you can pick out yourself if you read through this once or twice.
One big thing I noticed was your dialogue. First of all, it dominates the entire story. Certainly dialogue can make things interesting, but readers want to see some prose too. Show the reader what this place looks like. Describe the setting, describe what people look like, show us this world.
Another thing, it seems that perhaps you don't have a good grasp on dialogue punctuation. I've had the same problem in the past, as well as numerous others here on YWS. Here is an article on the subject that will show you how to properly punctuate dialogue.
From what I can see of the plot, it is rather interesting. I would like to see more of this from you. Good luck and keep writing!
-Lauren
Hello,
This story was cool. I liked the character and the introduction. When the speech came, there were no stops, you maybe coulve added in some parts 'she said quietly' or something like that.
It's marry, but I'm sure that was just a typo.
Overall it's a good piece, and I look forward to reading more!
-tam_ara