0•18•32•48

I rub my thumb against the numbers on my wrist as they tick steadily down. A part of me hopes that if I do this long enough that they will stop, but of course that’s a foolish assumption. The numbers never stop until the last one reaches zero.

“Hailey…”

It’s almost as if I can hear a ticking sound in my head of the numbers slowing decreasing in size. 43… 42… Tick… Tick…

“Hailey?”

I’m pulled out of my mind and my consciousness is abruptly dragged back to the dinner table. “Huh?”

“Ohh…” Mom gives me this look. This… over-exaggerated smile like you would give a three year old who just did something adorable. “She’s nervous.”

“Huh?” I look at the others who sit around the table, hoping someone can save me from my hopeless confusion. Dad, my older brother Lineal, my older sisters Kaitlyn and Sophie and Sophie’s new husband John. Nope. Sophie melts into the same expression as Mom and Dad just gives me a reassuring smile while the others stare expectantly.

I give a small laugh and a half smile. Why are they staring at me?

“Hailey, it’s nothing to be nervous about! Everyone finds their soulmate eventually. And you’re one of the lucky ones, being so young.” Mom looks over at Dad and squeezes his arm. “Oh, those poor people who live half their lives before finding their soulmate. They must be so lonely.”

Dad flashes a sweet smile and gives her arm a squeeze back.Now I get it. They caught me looking at my wrist. When I look around the table, everyone is still staring at me. Sophie looks like she’s on the edge of squealing with joy for me. I sink down in my chair. Can the attention turn to someone else now?

“What are you going to wear?” Sophie asks me. “Surely you’ve thought about it. I mean, it’s the most important day of your life.”

“Erm… Not really.”

Mom gasps. “What about that adorable yellow dress with the flowers?”

“No… Oh! What about the bridesmaid dress she wore to my wedding?” Sophie suggests. “She looked so pretty.”

“That would be perfect. That dress along with taking a curling iron to her hair and a touch of lipgloss…”

Heat rises on my cheeks and my stomach tightens into knots the longer they go on.

Kaitlyn gives me a smile of pity. “Come on, you two. You’re smothering her.”

“And those beautiful white sandals,” Sophie adds, obviously ignoring her. “If she wears all that, Hailey will be so gorgeous the lucky guy won’t be able to breathe.”

They look over at me. “What do you think?”

A expression of dread crosses my face. I don’t want to dress up at all. Isn’t the point of having a soulmate that they love you for who you are? I never bother with curling my hair or dressing so fancy normally, so why should I look different than I normally am to make a first impression?

“Oh, Diane. You made her blush,” Dad says.

No… I’m blushing because everyone is staring at me. “Can we just drop it? Please?”

“But tomorrow is going to be the most exhilarating day of your life!” Mom places her hands in her lap and sighs. “You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and I want you to know it’s okay.”

“Hailey asked to change the subject and it’s only right to abide by that,” Kaitlyn tells her. “Let’s just give her some space.”

Dad pipes in. “She’ll have a completely different mindset after it happens anyway.”

Mom shrugs. “Fine.” Then she turns to me. “Can you pass the peas? That’s what I was asking you when I caught you looking at your number.” That look spreads over her face again.

Embarrassment and anxiety seep into my body. She says it looks like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but that’s only because they put it there.

“Sure, Mom.” I grab the rim of the bowl and hand it over to her.

The table is silent for a few moments besides the sound of clinking dishes and food being chewed around me. I pick at the food around my plate, my appetite vanquished. Wishing for the wonderful quiet to continue.

My wish doesn’t come true.

Sophie’s eyes widen and she puts her fork down. “You know what would be perfect? If she wore those earrings I got her for Christmas.”

“Yes,” Mom agrees. “That’s what was missing.”

I can’t talk about this anymore. It’s suffocating. I push away from the table and lay my napkin on top of my plate.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“I’m not very hungry,” I say politely. Then I turn away and begin climbing the stairs.

By the time I reach the top, they seem to think I’m far enough from ear range that they can talk about me. I sink down onto my knees and grab onto the bars of the railing, pressing my head against the bars.

“Diane…” Dad’s voice.

“What? I don’t think she realizes how exciting this is! It seems like everyone is excited but her.” Mom’s voice.

“She’s anxious. Just give her some space. I bet she’ll be giddy by morning.”

Can I get in on that bet? What do I get if I win? A time extension on my number?

I sigh and rise to my feet. Pushing through my bedroom door, I close it behind me and plop down on my bed. It’s the best day of your life. It’s the day everyone waits their whole lives for. It’s the day your whole life changes.

Isn’t that enough to make anyone feel like they want to throw up? Even if it’s for the better? I almost feel like staying home from school tomorrow. I know it’s going to be excruciating from the moment I get there until the time I leave. That look that Mom and Sophie gave me will be plastered on half my classmates faces for the entire day as well as more interrogations. Are you excited? What do you think he’ll look like?

Everyone dreams of the perfect cookie cutter life. It goes like this: they anxiously await the first day of the rest of their lives when their number reaches zero, they fall into their soulmates open arms and fall instantly in love. Then comes the dream wedding, the house, the kids, a hopeless love whose spell they will be under for the rest of their lives, then awaiting the experience to start all over with their own kids. No one has to worry about it working out or not, because they are destined for each other. Made by fate to be the perfect couple.

That’s the track Sophie and John are on. They’re so lovey-dovey with each other it’s nauseating. And they tell their story so much I have it memorized word for word. ‘I remember that day like it was yesterday.’ She would always start out. ‘Just me, walking along the beach with the waves lapping up over my feet. I was so giddy as I awaited my soulmate that the only thing that kept me from exploding with excitement was the calming waves and the beautiful colors of the sky as the sun set over the horizon. Then finally, the numbers on my arm fell to zero and I heard the three beeps I’d awaited my entire life for. I knew the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with standing behind me.’ This is when she would gaze lustfully into John’s eyes and he would wrap his arm around her. ‘I turned to see John, the most handsome man I had ever met. He picked me up and spun me around. Then he kissed me and looked deep into my eyes and from then on I knew it love at first sight.’ Blah… Blah… Blah…

Two months later they had their dream wedding. John, a happy handsome penguin with a bowtie. Sophie, a beautiful bride to be in a flowing dress of white lace. Dad, walking her down the isle. Mom, bawling tears of joy from before the wedding even began. Kaitlyn and I were the bridesmaids of course, while Lineal and John’s brother were the groomsmen. It was a beautiful wedding and I couldn’t be more pleased for my big sister. I’ve never seen her happier than she is now.

I didn’t even think about myself or my own number until the wedding reception. I mean, I literally never thought about it for more than couple seconds at a time before brushing it off. It always seemed so far away that I didn’t bother to dwell on it. But when the reception started, so did the family members with them walking up to me and saying the dreaded two words: ‘you’re next’. My number said 82 days at that point. And that’s when it hit me that it was coming up. Sophie was twenty-two when her clock hit zero. Lineal’s is due to go off a few days after mine, which is a weird coincidence. He’s two years older than me after all. He’s supposed to graduate from high school a couple weeks after that. Which makes me the youngest at sixteen to have my soulmate revealed to me.

See, everyone is born with a number in their wrist. It starts ticking down the moment you’re born. The lowest number I’ve ever seen was 1460 days, making them just four years old. I’ve even seen it start upwards of 25,000 days. Those are the “poor” people Mom talks about. Mine started at the ripe number of 6028 days.

I hold my arm up and look at the number ticking away again. Bright green, LED-like numbers embedded in my skin. I can’t feel them, not in my body nor when I rub a finger across them. But in the last few months, I’ve known it’s there, always.

They say that fate only reveals your soulmate to you when you’re ready. If you see them before your number hits zero, it doesn’t matter. Fate knows when you’ll be ready to meet your soulmate from the time you’re born, so if you meet them before that time, it will stay a secret. The funny thing is, I feel like I’m the farthest thing from ready. To be honest—and I think if I told anyone this they would have me locked away—I’m not sure I want to get married or have that cookie-cutter life. Maybe I wouldn't mind getting married if there wasn’t all the strings and expectations attached. But what if I like being on my own? What if I want to travel the world? Not everyone who finds their soulmate and gets married lives the cookie-cutter, but with my family—and a lot of others—anything else is unthinkable.

Maybe I would be okay with it if everyone didn’t make such a big deal about it or make it feel so important. But when Mom and Sophie go off fantasizing about who I’m destined for and what I should wear and how it will be the “most important day of my life”, all it does it terrify me and give me overwhelming anxiety. Just thinking about it now, my heart is racing. At least with me being only sixteen they won’t start pestering me about marriage and kids for at least a couple years.

I sink down under the covers on my bed and pull them up over my head. At least all this pestering will be over with by the end of tomorrow. But with one ending, starts a new beginning.

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Authors Note: I have done very little editing on this and am not sure how I like it but I was curious what people thought of it and we shall see where it goes. And yes, I finally posted something that isn't TFoA related. Shocking, I know. :o