I wish I could tell
someone
How I feel
These feelings
tear me up
inside but I still smile
so no one can tell
How I feel
The weight on my
shoulders
is not only mine
but others too
How others feel is
How I feel
The things I can't tell
anyone
I want to shout to the
world
But I can't
I am the rock that
holds everyone
down
or else they might
drift away
I comfort them
reassure them
I have to make them
happy
protect them
This is
How I feel
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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
It's nice and I can see that you're way of dividing it up is effective - that sort of thing isn't really something that I like but I can see it's use.
With your lines, they give your poem a broken feel that works well with your subject matter but I don't feel that it flows as well as it good. Sometimes, the way you have just one word on a line really slows down the poem ( possibly intentionally) yet I don't think that it really helps much.
I can see that you were going for something fractured and it emphasises much of what you are saying but I think that it's a bit too simple and that you could expand it more.
I feel that if you pulled up all the broken lines together you'd have a very long but clear sentence, which makes me think, when I read through it, more of prose than poetry.
good but I thought that It could have ended better and I KNEW IT I KNEW THAT YOU FELT LIKE THAT AND YOU ARE FINALLY TELLING PEEPS...okay now that is over I thought it was overall good
OMG I love it you are an amazing writer. *writes self note to pat you on back on monday*