Published March 28, 2009
Two Friends, Two Lives, One Secret
By: ME
“You’re still going to call me and stuff right?” asked Julia.
“Of course!” said Samantha.
Julia and Samantha were two girls who were different but the alike at the same time. They had been through it all together. All of it. But their friendship wasn’t the everyday friendship. Theirs was different. They became friends the second they met. Here’s their story.
. . . .
PART 1
“I still don’t understand why she hates me. I didn’t know he was her ex-boyfriend,” said Julia to her friends Leah and Natalia. It was New Year’s Eve and they were talking about Samantha. Samantha currently had broken up with her now ex-boyfriend Jake who was new to the school. And when everyone found out that Julia had a crush on him, Samantha, being two years older, said she was going to beat up Julia.
“She’s not seriously going to beat you up. She said she was just kidding,” said Leah. Leah and Natalia were friends with Samantha because they were all on the girls’ basketball team.
“Well I still think she’s going to. But oh well,” sighed Julia as she picked up Leah’s cell phone and went through her contacts. She saw the name Samantha and automatically copied the contact into her phone. They didn’t talk about Samantha for the rest of the night.
The next day, Julia was going through her phone to find somebody to text with. Then she saw Samantha’s name, forgetting she had put it in the day before. I wonder if she’ll text me back, thought Julia. She stared at her phone screen, slowly typing the words “Hey Samantha. It’s Julia.” And with that, she sent it.
Julia thought it felt like hours until Samantha surprisingly texted her back. Then they had a conversation going.
Julia:wow.i didn’t think u wood reply 2 me.
Samantha:wy?
Julia:Dnt u hate me?
Samantha:o. haha. I was just kidding
Julia:oh.
Samantha: yea.
About one week later. Julia decided to text Samantha again.
Julia: Hey.
Samantha: Hey.
Julia: Wassup?
Samantha: Nthn much. Wat bout u?
Julia: Shopping wit ma frend.
Samantha:oh. Koo.
Julia:ya.
Samantha: yupp. Yupp.
Julia:r we frends??
Samantha:no.
Julia: yur mean.
Samantha:jk.
Julia:Watev.
Texting for Julia and Samantha became a routine for them. They started saying hi to each other in the halls while changing classes and talking at lunch. But neither of them knew. . .that they were about to learn more and more about each other than anybody else in the entire world will ever know.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,780 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
There should be a comma after stuff.
The second to last the isn't needed.
Instead of having two sentences, combine them.
The and isn't needed.
Since Julia is thinking this, it should be in italics.
There should be a comma after later, not a period.
This sentence is long.
Overall, the story is okay. You could improve it by describing more, but other than that it is fine.
Alright, nice start! Onto the review:
If you read this out loud. The second sentence sounds funny.
This might just be me being fussy but, I don't think you need the second sentence. By saying their friendship wasn't the everyday friendship; you were implying that it was different already.
I'd change it to: Samantha had just broken up with her now ex-boyfriend Jake; who was new at the school.
I'd change it to: For Julia and Samantha, texting became a routine.
This sounds kind of funny. Maybe change it to: They started saying hi to each other in the halls and talking at lunch. Usually when you're in the hallway, you're changing classes.
When you did the texting thing it got kind of annoying.
Good luck with this.