Hey Lavvie. So sorry it's taken me so long to get to reviewing this. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up with this story.
Okey dokey. For me, it felt like there were two quite distinct sections to this chapter - the second half of the flashback, and the return to present time. For the sake of clarity in this review, I'll probably refer to them as the first half and second half, because I had different feelings about them both.
I think the continuation of the flashback from the last chapter into this one was the strongest part of this chapter. The tone was whimsical and quirky, and there was some really delightful imagery in there.
The pacing in the first half was rather rapid, but I think it worked pretty well. Being a flashback, you can kinda get away with the pace being a bit quicker, and I don't think it was a problem in the first part of this chapter. That said, I felt like the quick pace had a negative effect on the second half of the chapter. I think your writing just needs space to breathe, and even though you are including stuff like detailed descriptions of the setting and stack of imagery, I feel like the story is hurtling along a little too much in this chapter. I'm not sure how you should go about improving this, I'll admit. It's most pronounced when Cora's mother enters, so I'm not sure if it's maybe got something to do with character interactions.
Speaking of characters, I'm not feeling as connected to Cora as I'd like to be. I'm being kept reading by your writing style more than anything, and I can't say that I really am concerned about Cora the way that I ought to be with a main character yet. It might be one of those slow-burn connections that builds up over time, but I'll still caution you not to let the quirkiness of the writing style get in the way of the reader connecting with the characters. The charm of the story's there, now I just want to feel invested.
I feel like you're pushing the audience to dislike Henrietta a little too much, and it's becoming a case of telling rather than showing her personality. This links a little to my point on pacing, but the entrance and description of Henrietta had a clumsiness to it that I haven't really seen in the rest of your writing. There seem to be a lot of adverbs in there, I noticed, and while I can hardly jump on the 'no adverbs' soap box since I'm a bit of an over-user of them myself, I did feel like they might have been partially responsible for my feelings about the presentation of Henrietta - they seemed to be telling the reader how to feel, rather than really giving any real insight or imagery about her.
That's about all I have to say. The first half of this chapter was absolutely delightful to read, and with a bit of work I think the second half could be just as delightful. Any questions, let me know.
Points: 15020
Reviews: 260
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