Published October 31, 2010
How many times can I look in your eyes
and still find something new?
How many ways can I say the phrase
“I love you,” because, really, I do?
You listen to me when I ramble on;
You hold me when I cry.
You smile at my eccentricities
and my fears you brush aside.
My life felt incomplete ‘til now.
By myself, I wandered through life.
You came along, and I changed my song,
Now the world looks happy and bright.
How many times can I look in your eyes
and care so much about you?
How can I say something so cliche
and believe it to be completely true?
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Thank you, everyone, for your comments! I really appreciate them.
In terms of the rhyme scheme, I really just wanted it to have a strong rhythm, regardless of whether it rhymes or not. I hope it's not too sporadic, though. XD
Yes. Review time xD
The rhyming, could be better, as said before. I have had this feeling, of truly loving somebody, and being positive it's true. I know what it feels like to be payed attention to, to share that feeling, that glorious feeling. I could totally walk through the story in my head. It was really good. It's not up to me to tell you if you had a good poem, or a bad one. If it came from the heart, it's should be the perfect poem in your eyes, It's not up to someone else to tell you if you loved your poem or not, it's your poem, Like it.
Hi my name is Kyle and I'll gladly review your poem.
I have a very close friend and it is kind of like the poem with us (only I ramble, though.) I liked the poem very much. You should keep with it. My only criticism is that it should be longer.
Hey Lauryn!

So I'll review this poem of yours with my comments in bold and changes I suggest in red
Alrighty, the rhyming is a bit iffy... I'm not sure if you meant for it to be that way but you're rhyming in some places and not in others. In blue, I've put the rhymes but I think it'd be really cute if it all rhymed. I know sometimes it's hard to find words that fit well together but I think it'd be nice with this story
Overall, I thought it was cute. The title drew me in and it was cliche in a cute way
Keep writing!
-Truth-
I just want to mention, I love your avvie. It's so funny! I was practically toppling out of my chair. But anyway, back to the review!
My name is Apple, and I am your reviewer for today.
I like the way you used emotion to portray the emotions that wizz around this poem. It really lets me imagine a picture and I am quite capitvated. As I've mentioned in many other reviews, I'm not to good at poetry or lyrics for that matter so my review may not be worth while! But that's just to warn you, okay.
Anyway, one fault I thought you need to change was the way you made it rhyme. For some reason that just makes me think of other cliche poems that don't really do anything to more mature readers. Me on the other hand, I love rhyming, but if I think of older, more experience poetry people I don't think they'd really like the fact.
But placing that fact aside, this was great!
Keep going,
Apple!