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Young Writers Society



(New) Guardians Chapter 3

by Lauren2010


“I am so proud of you Natura.” My mother told me again. It’s all she had been telling me all day.

I glanced around my room at the bags filled with clothes and books.

“I get it mom, you’re proud.” I told her, again.

She gave me one of those ‘mother’ looks. Seeming as if she was disappointed and understanding at the same time.

“I’m sorry dear. I’m just so…proud.” She smiled.

“Ugh.” I sighed and returned to cramming my new school books into a bag already filled with my new school clothes.

I hated the clothes, all dresses. I didn’t know why my parent’s already bought them since I hadn’t been officially accepted yet.

It also bothered me because I just found out I made it in yesterday, and I have to leave tomorrow, I don’t really understand how they arrived so quickly.

“Frena.” My father collapsed onto my bed in exhaustion. “Why couldn’t we have told her sooner? We could have had more time to prepare the horses.”

I dropped the few books I was holding. “Sooner?” I turned to my mother. “Didn’t the letter just arrive yesterday?”

“Well…” my mother searched for the right words, “Not exactly dear.”

I tried to stay calm, “When did the letter arrive mother?”

“It came two weeks ago,” she confessed.

I tried to take deep breaths, I tried to stay calm, but it was no use.

“Why on earth would you have avoided telling me!?” I insisted.

My mother looked to the floor.

“You’re mother couldn’t decide on a proper time to tell you.” My father gave away the secret.

I turned away from both of them, not wanting to yell at them.

I sighed. Well at least this explained why I already had he books and clothes.

“Look’s like I let the squirrel get the pie.” My father commented to himself.

I was the only one who heard him and I just rolled my eyes.

I heard my mother’s footsteps heading towards the stairs that led down to the kitchen from my bedroom.

“I’m sorry dear, I really am.” She apologized. “I should have told you sooner.”

“It’s fine.” I lied. I didn’t really want to push this any further due to how tired this whole day had made me.

My mother’s footsteps sounded on the old wooden staircase.

“So is Christiana coming along for the trials?” my father changed the subject.

“Yeah she is.” I said, feeling a lot better. That was the best part about all of this. Christiana got to come along and get her taste of the city.

“I’m excited to get to see the city.” Nolen said from my desk, finally feeling able to join the conversation.

We were all excited to see the City of Icarthia. None of us had been there besides my father.

My mother suddenly appeared back in the room, with more clothes.

I groaned at the sight of more stuff to pack.

I tried to concentrate on finding room for everything in the old leather bags. It was becoming increasingly harder to find space, and the room was becoming increasingly more cramped. My whole family found it necessary to help me pack.

My mother handed me the clothes she brought up. One of which was a deep green formal gown.

“Mother--” I tried to complain.

“Well I for one, am excited to do some shopping.” She avoided the subject of the formal gown. “Natura you should come with me, we never get any lady time around here anymore.”

“Uh sure mom, sounds fun.” I told her, knowing Christiana wouldn’t be very excited for that.

“Well I’m glad this came up when it did,” my father added, “I need to place an order for supplies... I ran out of nails today and the shop is running low on wood polish…”

Now everyone was talking about how excited they were and I could hardly concentrate on what I needed to pack for this ridiculous trip.

“Can everyone please be quiet or leave!?” I said loudly so everyone was sure to hear me.

“Sorry dear.” My mother apologized. “Come Josia; let’s go make sure the horses are ready.”

Only Nolen and I were left in the room. I was fine with that, Nolen can sympathize better than my parents on the whole going away issue.

I continued to pack quietly for a while.

“So you’re leaving tomorrow…” he said as if he was unsure.

I glanced over my shelves to make sure nothing was forgotten. “Yeah, tomorrow.”

“It’s going to be weird having you gone.” He said. He was upset, and it was out of his comfort zone.

“Yeah I know.” I hugged him. “I’m going to miss you bud.”

He stiffened in my embrace. “Hey I’m not going to miss you that much.”

I laughed and checked through my large oak armoire. I come to an unexpectedly full drawer.

“What’s this?” I asked out loud, but to no one in particular. “I don’t remember having this.”

I pulled out dark green riding clothes, the kind I would actually need at the Academy due to the fact that it is very hard to ride a horse in a dress.

“Oh yeah.” Nolen said awkwardly, “I got those for you.”

“You bought me riding clothes.” I said to him, trying not to tear up at my little brother’s kindness. I knew he’d been saving up for a new set of arrows, but he bought me this instead.

“Yeah it’s no big deal really.” He brushed it off.

“Thank you.” I said gratefully.

“You’re welcome.” He said. “Just, no more hugs please.”

I laughed at his young boyishness. “Okay, but at least let me kick your butt in the forest first.” I challenged.

“Oh, you’re on!” he said excitedly as he ran down the stairs.

“Give me little while!” I yelled after him.

I grabbed my bow, called Alaster, and headed out to the small pathway we had made into the forest. Nolen was already there.

“You ready for this?” he asked with a slightly menacing look on his face. It didn’t fool me.

“Same rules?” I checked.

“Charmed arrows.” He said.

“No throwing rocks.” I added. I came very close to his face. “Let’s do this.”

“Prepare to be defeated.” He threatened.

We turned from each other and sprinted forty paces into the forest.

I came to a stop in a dark grove and breathed in the evening air. I slipped off my soft leather shoes and waited for Nolen’s command to start.

I centered myself with the forest and the earth around me.

Icarthians had a special connection to the earth, similar to those of the Province of Rivalon. People of both provinces prided themselves in that connection, though extended use of it had almost died out. Though it was helpful to have the ability to move earth without actually touching it, Icarthians and Rivalonians had little use for it.

I heard Nolen’s hunting whistle, signaling the beginning of our competition.

I closed my eyes and let my connection with the earth show what I could not easily see before. I felt the weight of my loyal wolf beside me, I searched further. I felt small creatures skittering around the forest floor, I searched further. I soon found Nolen and his companion standing just as still as I was.

“Oh come on Nolen.” I muttered under my breath. It looked like the ground was out of the question.

I took a few quick strides and grabbed a low hanging branch. I pulled myself up into the trees, and out of Nolen’s sight.

I pulled myself a few branched higher and started jumping from tree to tree to get closer to Nolen. The trees in Icarthia were very close together, since Icarthia was known as the Great Forest of Ascensia.

I moved through the trees almost silently. For anyone without trained ears I would sound like the wind rustling the leaves, but I knew Nolen would hear me.

I tried to move slower and quieter, always watching Alaster a little ways ahead of me. I tried to hear Nolen moving wherever he was.

I had to be getting close; I’d already passed the midpoint.

I heard a quiet rustle in a tree only a few trees ahead.

“Oh come on.” I muttered.

I jumped out of the tree just as an arrow flew over my head. I landed with a soft thud and took off into the trees ahead of me.

Nolen landed below the tree soon after.

I dodged in and out of trees and bushes; I knew the forest well by now.

Nolen cursed behind me. He was so sure he had hit me.

I couldn’t help but smile happily. I couldn’t let myself lose concentration though, so I quickly regained my thoughts and fell back into the competition.

I could vaguely feel Nolen running behind me, although it was hard to get a good read while I was moving.

Another arrow flew past my head.

I take an arrow to my bow and turn. I aim quickly and shoot.

Nolen fell to the ground.

“Hah.” I shouted victoriously.

I walked back to him.

“Told you so.” I taunted his motionless body.

He groaned a little but didn’t move. I ran back to where I left my shoes, I picked them up and headed back to Nolen.

He was sitting a little, but leaning on Waylon, still a little dazed.

“I cn’t blive ou eat m gain.” He tried to make the words come out.

I fell to the ground laughing and he glared awkwardly at me.

He composed himself. “I can’t believe you beat me again.” He said again.

“Its okay little brother, maybe you will beat me someday.” I smiled at him.

“Help me back.” He demanded. “It’s going to rain.”

Nolen was always good at telling the weather. He had always been extremely connected to the forest, and the forest gives subtle signs when the weather is about to change.

“Alright, come on.” I said as I helped him up.

He almost collapsed on top of me.

“Jeez Nolen, you can’t put all of your weight on me.” I gasped. “I’m not that strong.”

“Well Natura, I can’t really help that.” His tone didn’t match what he said and I laughed.

“You’re the one who hit me with an arrow so you’re the one who gets to deal with it.” He argued.

I laughed a little more and we started home. Luckily we weren’t far off; Nolen was a lot bigger than he used to be.

By the time we reached the back gate of our home Nolen was walking on his own. We walked into the kitchen to find a large wooden box on the table.

"What's that?" I asked my father who was sitting in the next room.

"It's for you Natura." he said as if it was no big deal.

I looked at Nolen confused. He returned the look.

"Open it." he suggested.

I looked at the side of the box. It was addressed as from my grandmother.

I opened it. Inside there was a small leather-bound book, three larger books bound similarly to the first, and a small carved wooden box.

I pulled out the smaller book and flipped through it. Blank.

I flipped through one of the larger books. Blank.

The other two were the same.

I pulled out the wooden box, hoping for an answer there. It was beautifully carved and had small green stones set in it. There was ancient writing on it that I could only take as ancient Icarthian script. I would have to take it to Haro and have him translate it.

I opened in and found nothing.

“That’s strange.” I said quietly.

I looked inside the empty box. A small folded piece of paper lay on the bottom of the box.

I took it out and read it.

My Dear Natura,

I am so proud to hear of your acceptance into the Academy trials... It is a

great family tradition to attend there. I know you will find is as great an

experience as I did. Enclosed in this package are several books. The

three larger ones are to fill with what you learn so you never forget it and

maybe one day you can pass it on to your children and they can learn also.

The smaller book is for you to fill with your experiences. A journal of sorts.

Fill it with stories of your life, you will want it someday.

Love forever and always,

Your Grandmother.

"Hmm, sounds like her doesn't it." Nolen commented. He had been reading over my shoulder.

I turned to him. "Ever heard of privacy?" I scolded.

"Sorry." he shrugged.

I took my new books and carved box up to my room.

"Great, I'm never going to get this stuff to fit." I complained quietly as I stood over the bags on my floor.

I eventually made room.

"Finally" I said relieved.

I collapsed on my bed.

"Natura!" My mother called.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Don't stay up too late dear," she called back. "You have a big day tomorrow."

"Yeah." I said. Big day… I slowly fell into a deep sleep.


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Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:03 am
Storm_Bringer wrote a review...



Hey Lauren!
This was interesting. She is finally going to the city soon. Although, you say she is in a big rush to get packed and everything yet she goes out to play with her brother...

Okay anyways; Nitpicks!


“I am so proud of you Natura.” My mother told me again.

"I am so proud of you, Natura," my mother told me again.

It’s all she had been telling me all day.

This sounds kinda funny with the double alls. Maybe change all day with today.

I glanced around my room at the bags filled with clothes and books.

Comma between room and at.

“I get it mom, you’re proud.” I told her, again.

Comma not period.

Seeming as if she was disappointed and understanding at the same time.

Why is she disappointed?

“When did the letter arrive mother?”

Comma between arrive and mother.

I already had he books and clothes.

The not he.

“Look’s like I let the squirrel get the pie.” My father commented to himself.

Comma not period. Uncapitalize the M in my.

Okay, sorry I have to go but I'll do the rest later.
Sorry!



Okay! I'm back!


“I’m sorry dear, I really am.” She apologized.

Comma not period. You do this a lot but its not right. I'm not going to point out most of them but almost all your punctuation is wrong for this kind of stuff. Go : Here
Hopefully this will help you. If not, just search dialouge punctuation or something and it should tell you how you are supposed to do it.


“Yeah she is.” I said, feeling a lot better.

Comma between yeah and she. And its a comma not a period before I!!!!

“Mother--” I tried to complain.

You only need one dash.

“Well I for one, am excited to do some shopping.”

Comma between well and I.

“Natura you should come with me, we never get any lady time around here anymore.”

Comma between Natura and you.

“Uh sure mom, sounds fun.”

"Uh, sure mom, sound fun,"

“Well I’m glad this came up when it did,”

Comma between well and I'm. Yay you put a comma not a period! :D

“Can everyone please be quiet or leave!?” I said loudly so everyone was sure to hear me.

You don't need the exclamation mark because you already said she said it loudly.

“Yeah I know.”

"Yeah, I know,"

“I’m going to miss you bud.”

"I'm going to miss you, bud."

“Hey I’m not going to miss you that much.”

Comma after hey.

“Yeah it’s no big deal really.”

"Yeah, it's no big deal, really."

I grabbed my bow, called Alaster,

This sounds funny. Maybe change it to, I grabbed Alaster, my bow,

I felt the weight of my loyal wolf beside me, I searched further.

Eh? What wolf? You didn't talk about a wolf before.

“Oh come on Nolen.”

"Oh, come on, Nolen,"

My Dear Natura,
I am so proud to hear of your acceptance into the Academy trials... It is a
great family tradition to attend there. I know you will find is as great an
experience as I did. Enclosed in this package are several books. The
three larger ones are to fill with what you learn so you never forget it and
maybe one day you can pass it on to your children and they can learn also.
The smaller book is for you to fill with your experiences. A journal of sorts.
Fill it with stories of your life, you will want it someday.
Love forever and always,
Your Grandmother.


I think you should italicize this.

Well! Thats finally the end of the nit picks. Sheesh, I'm tired now. JK.
Well, I'm sorry to say it but the grammer was horrible. It needs some work.
But that's okay. It can easily be fixed.
Overall I think its moving along nicely, the grammer aside. I think just fix the grammer and i will be awesome!
~Storm





True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.
— Brené Brown