Young Writers Society

mhm, I remember the other thing I wanted to comment on!
Rufus Little, the name somewhat reminds me of a dog, lol. Perhaps that's because my dog is called Roddy, and that sounds a little like Rufus... or maybe not.

(:

Aw, thanks you three, you've really made my day. Seriously. I've been stressing about exams and then I came on here and whoa, so much niceness(sp?). Virtual hugs to the lotta ya.

Andromeda ~~ Thanks! I'm so honoured to be bequeathed one of your first reviews! Yours is especially helpful. You're right about mistakes I made, and a lot of them were accidental! Come to think of it, that thing about him misinterpreting the shower thing might be a good idea. I do plan to talk more about his mother, and go in depth about things, but that will have to wait. i didn't want to jump straight into the deep end, so to speak.

Kirsten ~~ Yay! Thanks so much for sparing some time on this. It's not our usual classic stuff is it? Yes, I have read 'The Curious Incident...' I'm wary of this becoming too much like it, in terms of tone and the Susan character. Rufus is not autistic, though, but rather simple. I didn't want to get too technical, since this is from his POV and he doesn't like to admit his problems. But yeah, I'll be wary of this getting too much like aforesaid book.

Rascalover ~~ Thank you for the review. The nit=picks are incredibly helpful, because things just go right over my head, you know? I disagree about the speech-marks for dialogue; ordinarily I would use them, but I've decided that's how Rufus writes. I know, it's a bit stupid. Anyway, thanks tremendously for the help and the encouragement, and I do hope you will review part 2 as well, if that's not too much to ask.


Lauren

I am Rufus Little. This is my story. A story of the present days and a lot of harking back to the past.

She says bottling things up leads to nothing but sorrow.

Sorrow’s such a sad word, and it makes me think of dead baby birds.

Yeah, I said, cos somebody invented perfume.

Last time Susan laughed I do not know; she has no smile-lines but she has many creases from frowns.

And she frowns a lot at me.

I am Rufus Little, but my mother called my Roof and the boys at school called me Little.

and I marvelled at how they remembered them all.

I looked at them and I put them away and I didn’t look at them for ages.

Then Susan came round, and she was scribbling into her clipboard, and she said, How are you? How have you been?

Yeah, Susan thinks she’s a shrink. But really she’s just maternal.

If I had any hair she’d pet it, like a little mistreated dog.

I told her about the notebook and fountain pen and I went and got it for her.

She gave me a funny look when I took it from its wrapping paper, and she said it was very smart and what was I going to use them for?

Rufus Little is my name,

and the sky scarce had clouds

Lauren, I absolutely adore this piece, it's so simple yet perfect. It rings with that clarity of soul and beauty of words that is yours. Anyway, I haven't done a review for so long that I completely fail, so I'll just do an overview.

Have you read 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime,' by Mark Haddon? If you've not you should get a copy, it's a fantastic book about an autistic boy who writes a book about the death of the neighbour's dog, he interviews the other neigbours, but as he's autistic he takes things literally and it's a little hard for him to interpret the murder and solve it. Yet it's not really the murder the book's about, it's the development of the boy, Christopher I think his name is. It's about his development as a person, writing a book is something he struggles with, as he doesn't understand metaphors and takes everything literally, so everything is stripped to the essence of what it is. Anyway, I think this book would be extremely beneficial to this piece.

So, if the person is mental perhaps you should clarify (This need not be made publically brodcasted, in writing) but make sure you know, so that you can set characteristics of that particular condition. For instance, Christopher hated particular things, and could not be near them - the colour yellow, I think, a food and something else, it's been a while since I've read the book. However, these weren't dislikes towards the particulars, they were full on hatred, he could not be in their presence without being somewhat freaked out. Also the inability to interpret metaphors.

Another reason for knowing of his condition is so that you can make the other characters' reactions to him how they would be in reality, so to speak.

The writing style reminds me somewhat of the mentioned book and I adore the writing style.

Oh, this really was quite beautiful, so simplistic, yet beautiful.

Anyway, I think more that this review is the epitome of terrible rather than this work. xD

~

Hello Lauren! I'm Andromeda- here to critique your piece. Let's get on with it, shall we?

Yeah, I said, cos somebody invented perfume.

They said it was an apt name, when they watched me in the showers.

I said probably not, because if I were going to write my thoughts and stuff then it would be too personal for her.