I really, really liked it. Just the fact that you can write about old fashioned times so authentically, not resorting to cliches.
My eyes lost focus on the colours and textures of the water for a time I cannot predict, and the next thing I knew was Aunt Grace’s sinewy hand on my mine, pressing the soft, yielding flesh like baker’s dough
This method of indicating the passage of time, of a daydream abruptly ending, i thought was pretty much seamless. It would be very easy for something like this to sound awkward, or to indicate too short amount of time.
I watched from the wrought seat
I stood, clunking my mug down upon the table.
I had just assumed that the two of them were sitting straight on the ground, no tables or chairs. (I think it's because i got a huge Alice and Wonderland vibe from it and in the beginning instances of that there is no furniture). Maybe it's obvious, if they were drinking tea they'd have at least a table, but when I got to the parts quoted above I had to kind of pause for a second.
But, sure enough, a car came into view—with my knowledge of vehicles scant, I can only offer the information that it was black and rounded, with circular lights obtruding from the bonnet.
I loved the fact you mentioned you knew nothing of vehicles. I think it makes it seem much more real than if you were to cite its model or something- plus you slipped in a good, informative description!
I'd sum it all up by just calling it elegant. Very elegant, great job.
Points: 890
Reviews: 9
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