Published December 28, 2007
Night.
As the sky becomes darker, and with the rest of the world asleep, I can escape into my own mystical fantasy.
I am all alone, in a dimly lit room. I can be whoever i yearn to be
Nightime is the part of the day in which i can just relax and breathe.
Everything is so much more brighter and apparent in the dark, even under the oxymoronic circumstances.
It is my time- where i can be me and just sit peacefully, endulging myself into my books-distancing myself from the rest of the world.
Night is me.
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Nice, only not really in poem form.Chop it up alittle, and take out some of the dashes and you'll be good.
Right now this is unfortunately not a poem. You have given no considerations to structure of flow, and it reads terribly. It is just seems like an observation that you are alone when you are in bed, which somehow leads to "Night is me." Your connections between ideas are tenuous and you need to strengthen them. "Oxymoronic circumstances" is actually an abuse of language and should be removed quite quickly. Added to this the inability to capitalise "I" successfully indicates to me the effort put into this poem was negligible. If you want to succeed with poetry, you will need to treat your writing with a lot more respect, otherwise it is hard for me to. Good luck in revising this.
I do the same. I usually read a book or listen to music just before bed time when everything begis to wind down. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave much time
Okay... again, chop this up, because right now, its much too long-winded to be poetry.
Remove the dash, make it into a comma. The dash just pauses it for too long.
Is very overdone. Can you think of a more original way to express this, without telling us so directly? Can you draw the reader in more, so this isn't naval-gazing? Also, a period at the end of this, and capitalize 'I'.
Nightime = "Nighttime"
i = "I"
How do you relax and breath? Why should we be interested?
'Oxymoronic Circumstances' sticks out like a sore thumb. Just a mouthful of a phrase in your otherwise simply wording.
Okay, make this more personal to the reader, let them relate to the narrator.
- Dreami
[Critiques of my own work are always appreciated!]