Young Writers Society

Hello! LadyShadows coming in for a review!
This is a GORGEOUS poem! It was powerful and it shown a cruel world how a foreign person can feel when they are being mistreated. It was a poem filled with rhythm and rhyme and it was in a proper formatting. This is wonderful. I also love the fact how you used deep emotion and the fact that this piece seemed very close to heart. Keep writing. I loved this very very much. <3

Hey @Lau2001, Stella here to review!

So this is obviously something really close to your heart and that really shone through while you were writing it, and obviously at such an unsure time worldwide it is really emotive and powerful. So good job!

I don't usually review content and I'm not looking to reshape the experiences I feel this is built on, obviously, but there were some things in the poem that felt like contradictions to me which I'm going to point out so - don't take this as me saying these things aren't true (if this poem is written from your own experience) but more just that in the context of the piece they didn't make sense to me.

Firstly, the title of "I am an immigrant" just jarred with the content to me because while that would suggest that the round peg in a square box refers to the speaker's original ethnicity trying to fit into the culture where they now live, the speaker seemed more concerned with the fact that they have ancestry from several different places and don't fit into any of these. Which is definitely cool and the speaker obviously has a lot to say about this - but it just didn't fit with the immigration bit for me. As in, being an immigrant and being of mixed race/ethnicity are two separate entities, though they both might be intertwined. But it just made the poem feel less clean because it seemed to compound the two a bit.

A never ending game of “Can you pronounce this?”

as they laugh, drenched in never ending bliss.

I'm three-thirds,

of what you would call,

reasons to put up a wall.

That was awesome! You mentioning that it was inspired by Hamilton, I imagined the whole thing rapped by Lin Manuel. XD

Hi there Lau2001! Niteowl here to review this fantastic poem.

Overall, I really liked this. It was heartfelt and flowed nicely when I read it out loud. That said, there are a couple places where I think there could be improvement.

I am a mix of cultures, languages and traditions,

none of them definitions,

A never ending game of “Can you pronounce this?”,

as they laugh, drenched in never ending bliss.

“Not from here” was labeled on me,

as they asked me why I flee,

never wanting to hear,

that I was born right here.

and although I am always mumbling,

thumbling,

over my own words,

hey, here for a review.

Let's just say, oh wow. This poem is screaming what the world needs to be seeing. I really do like this poem, it's emotional and it's raw. I get your message, I feel your message and reading this poem makes me want to do something about it. Writing should inspire and take people and their thoughts to a different planet, and I think that you have just done that wonderfully.

Now for the review part.

I will say that rhyming is hard, and sometimes it takes a lot of thinking through and chopping up sentences to make it rhyme. And i think that rhyming does make it choppy at some lines. For example,

my accent so thick,

people get sick,

of listening.

I am sick of the questions and suggestions,

the constant reassurance that I am not like you,

just here to teach you a lesson about world view,