Life is like a waiting room, only no one comes to get me.
My only communication is between the four white walls,
You'd think I've gone crazy.
The clock ticks across from where Im sitting, ticking the seconds,minutes, hours by.
It seems to be laughing in my face, chastising me for my wasted time. The time Ill never get back.
The chair Im sitting in is uncomfortable, but my body doesn't move an inch, despite my anxiousnes.
My mind feels like a run away train, going off the rails. My heart beating shallowly, dull, like it's tired.
Tired of the waiting, hurt, incompleteness. It wants to take a break, just stop.
Life is like a waiting room, and I'm waiting for her.
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140,967 Literary Works • 673,797 Reviews
I loved this story. I liked the whole idea of it, and they way it was written.
Only two things I want to critique.
"Life is like a waiting room, only no one comes to get me." I felt like "only no one comes to get me," was not necessary in the sentence. I understood what you meant, but "Life is like a waiting room," gets the point across that your are waiting for something to happen.
Also, "Tired of the waiting, hurt, incompleteness. It wants to take a break, just stop."
This sentence is adding detail to the sentence before it, so making it a separate idea (putting it in a different line), does not seem right.
Hopefully I made my point. I enjoyed reading this. Keep up the great work.
Hi, Pony123 here to review. First off, wonderful story here! I love the format of it all, and your style is amazing!
I only have a few comments to make:
"seconds,minutes," There should be a space between the comma after seconds and minutes. Also, after minutes in that same sentence, I would put "and" in there to make it flow more.
"The chair Im sitting in" Should be: "The chair I'm sitting in" Put a apostrophe in I'm.
Overall, great, intriguing piece! Watch your grammar and edit for typos before posting. Also, this didn't exactly feel like a short story, although, I'm not sure what else it would go in. Maybe look into that.
Nice Job!
----Pony123