Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
My little one...
I don’t know you yet, but believe me when I say
my heart belongs to you, and your mother too
She says she cares for you, but why does she want to get rid of you?
I won’t let it happen!
If they believed in God, why would they allow this?
If she loved me, why would she decide this?
I can’t give up hope
Help me, God, I need your strength.
You’re my child too!
They can’t take you from me!
Though you’re not around, I swear I feel you here
Well fuck America, and fuck their laws too
Fuck everyone that’s taking me away from you!
If they can kill you, then I’ll kill them too
It’s only fair if I can’t be next to you
I don’t give a fuck when I have nothing to lose
Tell me why convenience and the easy way out
are the only things this country gives a damn about
Well it’s not how I am
I won’t let this end,
you won’t die
If I can love you like I do, than I know that you’re alive
But understand I love your mom,
and I understand her side
She’s scared right now, and I am too
but sometimes it’s better to let loose your pride
and I do for you
I just don’t understand why I’m the only one willing to make a sacrifice
---------------------------------------/-----
Today you're going away,
9 weeks you've been alive,
But ended with an immense amount of pain
I've forced myself to be fine with this,
I know it's been hard
I've been stuck feeling sorry for myself,
But I'm a moron
You're the one who never gets the chance to experience life,
The one who gets to hold her daddy's hand,
I know I'm ready to take you in, but your mother just quite isn't
Don't blame her,
Don't think her selfish,
I beg you
Just accuse me...
The only thing that keeps me from jumping out of my skin,
Is the fact that one day, some how, I'll be able to meet you in heaven.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow this is really sad. I loved it though. It was beautiful and showed the tragedy and sadness of losing a child you haven't met yet in circumstances outside of your control. This is a great poem really well done. The sadness and frustration that your character is feeling in this piece really comes through. The ending broke my heart. It's very well written. I can't find anything to correct.
nice job!
-Ruby-
Wow this is really sad. I loved it though. It was beautiful and showed the tragedy and sadness of losing a child you haven't met yet in circumstances outside of your control. This is a great poem really well done.
nice job!
-Ruby-
Deep stuff. It's free verse, so I feel it would be hard for me to talk about anything as far as English and structure go. I liked the structure anyway as it felt like I was in your head jumping around with all the spiking thoughts of fear, anguish, embitterment. I've never had a problem involving abortion in my own life, but I've been down a road that hurt so bad, I had so many thoughts like 'Fuck America...and their laws too.' Thoughts that would ping around in my head in swirls and stuff. So while I was reading, I tried to put myself in your shoes, and being a guy I could see myself as a grief-stricken would-be father. I felt your rage flood into my very bones! Yet I could see instances that you were trying awfully hard to forgive those, especially the mother, who had made a decision that may well have destabilized your life. It seems I have the same views about abortion as you do. It's the 'convenient easy way out' as you mentioned. If someone is willing to make a baby, they damn sure oughtta be responsible enough enough to raise it. How'd they feel if they had to be a baby and could hear and understand that they were going to be deleted out of existence? I'm not saying the baby can, just a what if it could. I believe in God too, which I think is why people who don't have similar views, often think they should be able to make a decision (so selflishly I might add) whether to pull the plug on a life. If it should happen at all, which I'm not agreeing that it ever should, both parents should have to agree to even have it happen. America is messed up. That is what happens in a "melting pot." Nations cannot survive when it is pulled in so many directions. Beliefs matter that much. But yeah, you've got to forgive people for doing the wrong thing when they are lost and mislead because they can't see. And as for heaven, I think the kids who never get a chance to reach an accountable age at which they can reason and stuff, do end up there. If you know about the Millennial Reign, well it's possible those could be the people living on the New Earth at that time. It is probable you may see your baby one day, and probably soon. God will hold everyone accountable, all we can do is try and be patient. It hurts now, but the wounds will heal in the next life.
Hello.
This topic is very controversial, and a very talked about topic on this website recently.
As I do not agree with the views in the poem, I will try to remain unbiased. However, I will point out things that I find worrying. Of course, I'll mainly be looking at the quality of the writing.
You contradict yourself in the poem. You start very angry and then come to the conclusion, "accuse me..." I don't understand. I understand that you're feeling more than one emotion at once, but try to show that in your writing instead of switching completely in the middle.
If you're going to rhyme, rhyme. But don't put random rhymes in there and then make the rest free verse. It makes the poem seem feeble.
Put more images in. Your best friends are going to be metaphor and simile. Imagine what it would be like to have the baby girl holding your hand instead of just musing about it. How soft is her skin? Honestly, this is how I would write this poem:
It's all images, but it conveys loss and anguish and beauty and pain. Add images to make your point.
Also, you should focus on one thing. Either focus on the unborn child or the mother. Not both. It is too easy to make the mother into a villain.
I'm going to be honest. The section of the poem before the line legitimately frightens me. If I was the mother reading that, I would be afraid that you would hurt me or try to stop me from having an abortion. Or hurt me in the process of trying to stop me. Your tone is murderous. While I haven't had an abortion, I have had several pregnancy scares, and I have not been able to tell my boyfriend about them because I am afraid he would react like this. Do you understand? You say you love the mother, but you say
If someone talked to me like this in real life, I would probably call the police. These are very scary and threatening things to say, and I hope you don't express them to the mother.
Also, you need punctuation after "strength" in the following line, or it sounds like you're calling God your child.
A note on formatting: hit shift when you hit enter to single space your poem. And don't double space your poems. I know this program on this site is confusing, so I thought I'd give you a head's up.
I hope this proves useful to you. Have a nice day.