Chapter 3
Coming to my dormitory I immediately smelled Daniel. Fuck that was all I need, a pothead. No doubt he’d be crass or try telling me bad jokes. Right now I didn’t care I just wanted to phone Mark. But unfortunately he would be away at Garage, pumping gas. Opening the door I grimaced as the sweet smell hit my nostrils.
“Daniel, put that out now!”
“Hey Graham, where you’re sense of fun?” Daniel asked a big smile on his face.
“Fuck off Daniel. I’m not in the mood.” Stupid moron.
“No. Anyway you’re meant to be at Wrestling. I could tell on you.”
Oh goddamn it. This wasn’t a good day, “Get away you immature dick.”
“That’s not what you’re Mom said last night.” he laughed taking a long puff of the acrid smoke.
“I’m going out. Do us a huge favour Daniel and get lost!”
Slamming the door I took a huge breath and tried to stop the incoming waterworks. Understatement of the freaking year, not good; this is an awful day. Here I am been banished from my course and dormitory. Slamming my head against the wall I whimpered quietly. Malcolm got out easy way. Or at least that’s what I thought. Staring around me it was obvious I was alone, I heard absolutely nothing. The hallway was silent, with only the Reggae being heard from my room.
Eventually I got up, and figured I’d go for a walk, but as I passed the intersection between the girl dorms and the boys I noticed people milling about. It was then the sirens that struck my ears as I ran over to see what was going on. Right at the end of hallway I saw Claire. Or at least half of her, clung to the ceiling while her torso was on the ground with the gooey intestines flopping out. She was dead. People were screaming, crying and staring in terror.
Her body had been bisected and around the floor was covered in ash. People were running up stairs and coming back down to vomit it out. I could only look in macabre curiosity as blood flowed-- dripped from her lower body and pooled around her torso; soaking into the carpet, forever staining the hall with a new fixture murder.
From what I could gather people had heard a scream and came out to find her still half alive, unable to say anything as blood flowed forth from her gullet.
Now as I stood on the on outskirts of crowd I could see it all, the sickly grey of intestines spewing out matter and blood, her clothing burned, shredded and covered in blood.
People were wailing in horror, nothing like this had happened at the university before this. Did this mean a serial killer was here? I had no idea, but it was obvious now Malcolm death was no accident and the evidence here proved it.
As the police and paramedic broke up the crowd I noticed the strong smell of sulphur and when I saw her face, her eyes with emblazed with an orange, as if her eyes had been a camera. Her mouth open in terror and pain.
This was a slow death.
As the Morgue workers drew up the torso I noticed the wound had been partially cauterized, but it didn’t make sense how. One of the police woman saw me looking, and came over pulling me away from group.
“Your name is Graham right?”
Figuring no use in lying, I answered, “Yeah.”
“My name is Sergeant Taylor; I was in charge of the first victim case.”
Shrugging I let her continue, taking her in, long blond hair tied up in a ponytail with dark brown eyes with a petite build, “What’s this to do with me?”
She sighed in irritation, “You were one of the last people to talk to Claire. Do you have an alibi?”
“You don’t think I could this done this act?”
“No no no, it’s more we need to establish a timeline.”
Should I tell him, tell her how odd Claire was acting, but then I may be accused of her murder. People were starting to disperse from scene; except for the paramedic trying to remove her lower half from the ceiling.
“Goddamn it!”
Ignoring Sergeant Taylor I saw as the guy was having trouble getting her remains off.
“I swear it’s like someone welded these trainers to ceiling.”
I was forcibly turned around again, “Did you know Claire?”
Well where to begin on this I wonder, I mentally undressed her regularly or how about she seemed rather weird. Time for a little creative truth, “Not really, she was more into girls as far as I knew.”
“Really?”
“Yeh really, can I go now?”
She took a deep breath before jotting down a quick note and then tearing it off, “If you think of anything contact me on this number. Also don’t go outside of State.”
Yeh Taylor, I’m really planning a trip to Disney land and have to leave the state. No I wanna go to Hong Kong, so really apologize if I’m out of country. I’m in university I’m not planning to skip town for some crummy murder.
“Yeh sure, you’ll find me here at the university.”
She turned away as I stalked off. She suspected me, I could have had an sign on me declaring ‘Angel’ and she’s still assume just because I talked to Claire bit before murder, I was responsible for parting her legs from her torso.
Leaving the building, I caught sight of Ruby leaving the building, quickly checking around before moving into the shadows. Where was she off too, she was banned from leaving for a week? Trailing her slowly, I could sense the infinite still of the night, hearing nothing except the tree being caressed by invisible fingers. Regretting decision about leaving coat, I stuffed my hands deep into my pockets, trying to keep my eyes fixed on Ruby. One thing for sure, she knew exactly where she was heading.
She turned round and I shifted abruptly behind a tree and heard her sigh heavily before continuing climbing the university wall in a swift cat-like movement, before hopping off. She had a fine ass. She might have been plain looking but that was some ass.
Following her example, I waited a bit before grabbing a hold, and scrambling up almost falling off but making it over intact. Shaking my head, I stared about for her, as the streetlight above me flickered lazily.
Glancing her on far side of road I walked cautiously but fast, trying to catch up to her; seeing the occasional car sped down the road. She was definitely outside of allowed area. So what was she up to?
In my thought I nearly missed her turning the corner and carrying on up the turn. She was going round the bend in more ways than one. And through my utter moronic tendencies I was now following her to Cloud Cuckoo land for all I knew, not to mention university was getting further and further away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey Pal, Pink here.

I promised a review today and here I am
Alright, so I don't have much nitpicks for this. Your writing has definitely improved from the very first chapter. I liked the gruesome scene in here, it was so weird and out of the blue that I can't help but think that's there's seriously something going on behind the surface of this story and I'm actually quite absorbed in the plot as of right now. I couldn't stop reading because you kept going with the climatic atmosphere and I liked it.
Now, even with that said, I still have a few nitpicks or suggestions that I'd like to point out. So, the first thing that came to my mind was the 'murder' scene. I mean, people were looking at her and everything, the police were there too so why didn't they board the area off? I mean, as far as I know, they would be trying to get students away from the scene so they can carefully gather evidence and stuff instead of letting them all flock around here and cry in front of the poor girl.
On my second note, I think you lacked some description in here. I mean, I'm slowly getting used to your fast writing but I still think adding a bit of description could really bring out the mystery and awesomeness in here. It would be great, since building up description and imagery can really sky rocket your piece and possibly get some more readers.
All in all, this was a very eventful chapter and I totally hate his room mate. Haha, I'll do your next review soon, maybe today even but I'm kind of busy so tomorrow by latest
Keep at it! Cheers,
~Shear
Review part three!

I found very little to fix in this chapter, so I'm going to be fussy.
No, no.
Words that a repeated consequetively need a commar in between them, so 'no no no' would be 'no, no, no.'
Then again, repeating it three times like that sounds strange, and more like the person is forcefully denying a statement. If you just use two, your reader will understand the expression the person saying it is making.
Poor Paramedic
Since the girl was already dead the paramedic wouldn't be needed. It would be the job of crime scene investigators, who would want to examine how she is stuck to the ceiling, or the trauma scene cleaners who come along once the investigators have come and gone, to get her down.
And lastly, 'sped,' at the bottom, should be speed.
Overall
Another good chapter. It's gory, and quite chilling. How Claire ended up half stuck to the ceiling is a mystery, but I think it's the idea of her dying slowly, painfully, even before she got cut in half, is what creeps me out the most. And the fact that nobody noticed until she was already half-dead. As I already said, Graham is a brilliant narrator, and I would say it's definately your style of writing that makes the whole thing seem so much more vivid, the image of someone struggling to get a pair of shoes off the ceiling might actually be amusing in any other context.
Anyways, good work!