Act of Betrayal

I really like this and don't really think it needs much more or much editing. It's simple but effective.

Let me start off by saying that I love the third stanza like A LOT. i love the comparisons you used to explain lying vs. honesty and I really truly enjoyed that stanza a ton.

I also love how you started the same way you ended. I have a cool tip for you but I promise, you do not have to take it. It's merely a suggestion that can be cool or not, it's up to you.

Try flipping the poem around.

Since you started the same way you ended, try starting with "A lie has speed, but truth has endurance," and not"betrayal can only happen if you love."

I can see that you aren't 100% sure about this poem yet, and that's completely normal. But one way to see if you like the direction you're heading in is to flip your poem around. You might just find that you like your poem better upside down.

Lashes

Short yet great.

I havn't seem a poem or story that was formated like this;I also hav't seen any poem or story that had an attached picture luke this. Both thing add to the reason why I like this.

I think the ... at the first stanza and last stanza fit in well with this poem considering it is about their past. The ... brings up the fact that there is a past and a future.

I did realize one gramatical error that occur multiple times. You did "it" when it should have been "it's". It's not very noticable but unfortunately I did notice it.

I think you did an exceptional job considering the poem is on the shorter side.

And I like the picture

Hello Lashea! I see this is your first poem. I think it's not bad for your first. I am unknown391625 and here is another review!

First off, I like it. And that is the cold harsh truth. I like how you added the picture and figured out how to use that code to put it in. I don't even know how to! Anyways, I don't know if this was intentional, but on the last line you put an those three periods. (I forgot what it was called, give me a break.) You did say you weren't finished though. Otherwise, it starts with that great hook on sentence. Then in the middle if fills the emotion, and then you ended the last line with the first line. It doesn't really sound good honestly. Anyways, I do like it. Good job with your first poem! I would like to see more of your poems. Don't give up and always write, Lashea!

Loving it.

Your use of the visual as well as the verbal really works. Seriously rad.
You haven't used periods at the end of your sentences, but I feel like that could be a conscious artistic decision.

I think any use of metaphor has to be at least partly logical. 'Its sting hurts, but strangely it's painless'. Is the sting physically painful, but not emotionally? Or is it the other way around? Also I feel like 'the sting' makes more sense in this context, and it fits a bit better because then you avoid the repetition of 'its'.

Your last few lines are fantastic. They just work so perfectly. The rhyme between loses and endurance is a subtle one, but a freakin great one. And then your closing line mirroring the beginning...seriously, loving it.

Loving.It.

Really nice! I love this piece of poem, even though it's not finished yet. The words are very deep and dramatic, which I am always looking for in every poem that I read. Everything that was said onto this poem were true. Especially the line: "When somebody lies, somebody loses"... I love the beginning: "Our past is one to write about." It is such a great hook that it caught my attention of wanting to read more of your poem. I'm sure other readers who will read this poem will certainly be impressed with the words and phrases on your poem. By the way, I love that you put picture on top of your poem. You got style! I like that. Overall, it was fantastic. Keep up the fabulous work!