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My Goodbye Poem.

by LaneyLane


Spark Spark

Here we go again.

It’s barely been any time since then..

As I sit here sailing in the sky

My life slowly but surely goes by

Smoke up in the air and sometimes even ashes in my hair.

There is such a thing as too much freedom

Made it a whole lot easier to escape every situation,

My little addiction.

‘Idle hands are the devil’s workshop’

Oh, how I wish I could just stop.

What the hell am I going to gain ?

All Its causing me Is pain and my health is going down the drain.

My life needs to go somewhere,

Maybe I do need a little prayer

Because these worldly things give me such a scare.

Stuck in an everyday nightmare.

There’s someone else I got to look out for now

We’ve got to make It somehow.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes

But now I am fully awake.

I’ve got to stop blaming freedom for my problem

Because I made it possible with my own system..

As I say goodbye to feeling high up in the sky,

The feeling of sensory shall become a memory.

I will always remember the time spent with you

Every single time I felt blue

You had me and held me together like glue.

No offense to you but it’s just time for something new.

Moving onto another chapter is hard

‘Still round the corner, there may wait, a new road or a secret gate.’

Meaning there could still be hope once I pull my weight.

I look forward to trying to have a well balanced diet

I hope this makes me more compliant.

My day will include more physical activities like yoga, running and hiking

And definitely less swiping.

So I’m going to get up..

Stop being depressed

Get dressed

And stay distressed and progressed. 


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13 Reviews

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Reviews: 13

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Sun Jan 29, 2023 4:53 pm
waterfalls wrote a review...



hello!!

this is a very beautiful poem. you described growth so well, the idea of striving for a better life, then realizing that YOU have to give yourself that life, the overall theme of how you shouldn't stop trying to be a better person, but that road is messy. That it's not as easy as it sounds to turn your life into something perfect overnight; how your past will keep coming back to haunt you and your regrets, but now it's time to come to peace with your past and start moving on. This entire theme is so refreshing!!

other than all that, I love your whole rhyme scheme here, it's so fun to read out loud and has this whole rhythm to it, which I love. Rhyming itself can be quite complicated but you managed to make almost every line rhyme, and that too in which it makes sense. Your lines are very carefully put together too, my favorite are:

My little addiction.

‘Idle hands are the devil’s workshop’

Oh, how I wish I could just stop.

What the hell am I going to gain ?

All Its causing me Is pain and my health is going down the drain.

My life needs to go somewhere,

Maybe I do need a little prayer

Because these worldly things give me such a scare.

Stuck in an everyday nightmare.

There’s someone else I got to look out for now

We’ve got to make It somehow.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes

But now I am fully awake.


you just described the stages of growth very well. Like @Thediffident said, addiction, realization, and redemption.

One thing you should definitely do is use paragraph breaks, so the entire poem can be separated into stanzas, which will make it more organized, easy to read, and follow along.

I do have one question though: why is this poem titled "My goodbye poem"? is it because you're saying goodbye to your past??

Anyways, this was a wonderful read. Bye!




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29 Reviews

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Reviews: 29

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Sun Jan 29, 2023 3:31 pm
Thediffident wrote a review...



Hello I'm @Thediffident. Here's a review of your wonderful piece :)

I absolutely adored this poem! The way you described the stage of addiction, realisation and redemption was truly phenomenal. Furthermore the metaphors you used in this poem contributed a lot in making this piece come alive. It gave new insights and it was so thrilling to read every new metaphor you came up with. Amazing work!

The title of the poem was so captivating and honestly was one of the reasons I decided to review your piece. Your writing style was great helping the readers maintain a flow while reading the poem. The words were simple and concise as well.

Although your piece was great, I do have a few suggestions. There are a few lines where you capitalised some words in the poem. For instance maybe try changing the 'Is' to 'is' in
"All Its causing me Is pain and my health is going down the drain".
In the above line, I also suggest maybe continuing the sentence "and my health..." from the next line to make the flow of the readers while this piece better as well as enhancing the rhyme scheme.

Other than that I absolutely loved this piece. Some parts of it were extremely relatable and made me think of the addictions I still carry with my life. This truly was such a great read! Consider me a fan of your work and thankyou for letting me review your piece.

Please keep in mind that my suggestions are just what I think will make this piece better and feel free to not use them if you feel like they won't work. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about this review or would like another one.
Love, Andy




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Sun Jan 15, 2023 8:30 pm
Lovestrike wrote a review...



Hi LaneyLane!

I love how raw this feels! The emotion is very strong.

Addiction is such a complicated thing and I feel like this poem shows that. It's harder to do the things you love because of it. This poem captures that feeling! There's a lot of thoughts happening, but they all feel very specific to the narrator's struggles. I think it's so incredibly powerful to see someone's thoughts in this way!

I haven't had to live the experiences, but this poem is like walking in someone else's shoes. I can feel everything as if I was there, which is amazing! The self-deprecation is something I can relate to though, and it's a very interesting addition!

I like your voice here, but I feel like it doesn't have the same feeling as the subject matter. Addiction is complex, and the word choices feel very surface-level. That isn't at all a bad thing though! I just wish that it was more personal in way. The poem feels like it's about addiction on its own, but not someone who was addicted.

The rhyme scheme is good! It might not be the best for the subject matter, but I don't think it does anything that directly affects the poem!

I enjoyed this! It's cool to have a glimpse into someone's life like this. =D

— Solstice




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Reviews: 10

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Thu Jan 12, 2023 12:03 am
summerdepressionexe says...



Hey! I absolutely loved this poem! The whole piece felt very emotional and genuine. The rhyme scheme also gave this poem a really nice flow. Thank you for sharing this difficult time in your life; Have an awesome day and always keep writing!




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Wed Jan 11, 2023 12:30 pm
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hi, hello there! This is Ina speaking. I am here to give you a comment/review for your very sad yet hopeful poem about trying to stop something bad for your health and for everyone else around you. Anyways, let's get into it.

I love how it describes how addicted you were but it also seems like you were high while writing to tell how you felt trying to stop it or how you reacted when you took the drug. The lines:

"Spark Spark

Here we go again.

It’s barely been any time since then..

As I sit here sailing in the sky

My life slowly but surely goes by

Smoke up in the air and sometimes even ashes in my hair.

There is such a thing as too much freedom

Made it a whole lot easier to escape every situation,

My little addiction.

‘Idle hands are the devil’s workshop’

Oh, how I wish I could just stop.

What the hell am I going to gain ?

All Its causing me Is pain and my health is going down the drain."

I think they are very well-written and describes a lot of details very well. But maybe you should make the poem like 16+ or 12+ because of the mention of durgs to keep the very young writers and reviewwrs safe. Thank you for sharing a nice inspirational poem. Have a good morning, day, afternoon or night.




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Tue Jan 10, 2023 4:14 am
LaneyLane says...







here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings