Young Writers Society

Hey! Hightop here to review!

Firstly I liked the subject of this poem. It's a very peculiar relationship we have with books, and you did a good job in conveying that especially in the last two stanzas. Your word choice was good and varied. Your structure, grammar and spelling seemed spot on to me.

One thing I disliked was the emotions in this poem. Books can make us laugh, cry, shriek in terror and gasp in astonishment. You need to show that in a poem about our relationship with books.

Other than that, I enjoyed your poem!

Hello!

1. The first stanza feels a little fragmented which sometimes works well in poetry, but it doesn't give a strong sense of voice and the words aren't unusual or gripping enough to support it. Maybe try something like:

A dull thud;
that's the last time I'll
crack your spine

By putting the I on to the previous line, it adds emphasis to crack which is a really strong word and deserves to be emphasised

2. I think the second stanza is beautiful and would only suggest maybe losing that because and replacing it with a semi colon instead. Maybe I'm over fond of semi colons, but I think it would help your flow and pick out that lovely half rhyme of fought and heart.

3. I'm not sure the third stanza adds anything. There are some nice words, especially 'cranium' but it doesn't advance the narrative of the poem or add anything new to the emotional side so it feels a bit surplus.

4. Stanza four is good but there's too much heavy vocabulary. This poem starts very simply and so the big words i stanzas three and onwards all feel out of place. If you smuggled some into stanzas one and two then you may be able to get away with it, but the simplicity was working for you so why change that?

5. Stanza five is verging on cliche - heart; veins. Neither of these are interesting images. Why not welt in your locker? Dwelt in your hovel? Something more characterising and specific to the narrator or the topic. Since it's literary, it could be dwelt in my bookcase.

6. The ending is nice. I actually liked the use of serendipity there but still think you need to lose the rest of the 'big' words. It's not even about some people not knowing what they are, they just feel too forced, while serendipity feels really natural in the end stanza.

Overall

I liked this! It's a very pretty poem and covers a subject close to my own heart. It flows nicely for the most part and my only real complaint is the inconsistency in vocabulary. Other than that, great stuff!

Heather xx

The intimacy between a reader and a novel is always a feeling that cannot be felt in other people. This rings true with the second stanza:

"It grieves me a bit because
the journey we took
the battle we fought
the memories you gave me
happened only in my heart
and yours"

This part of the poem really made me think of the emotions that goes through a person when reading a novel. The emotion range anywhere from grief, despair, anger, to utter happiness and things like it. And these emotions are only felt between the reader and the novel and that makes think of how great some writers are.

The words you used in this poem-- a couple I have never seen before. I looked them up and realized that they were beautiful words!

"Only a bitter taste coats my tongue
as my lungs still fill
with the petrichor
of terra incognita."

"Petrichor"? "Terra incognita"? Very nice. It sounds so lovely. Also, I can relate to this stanza more than the others because this is the feeling I get after a while when I am reading a really good book. My breathing slows, my senses dim, but only my nose can smell the book because it is so close to me. When I read it is just me and the book. Thank you for sharing this poem, it is really lovely. Excuse the slight rambling, I was just in shock by the nice poem you have written.

Okay, I think that the concept you had (based on what came into my head when I read the title) is brilliant. I think that some of the content that you have is really good. But as for the rest of it, truth be told I'm not really sure what to make of it.

A dull thud
the last first time
I crack your spine.

and tendrils of longing
creep through my cranium.

Only a bitter taste coats my tongue
as my lungs still fill
with the petrichor This one shows gave me a spellcheck alert.
of terra incognita.

For a time
you dwelt in my heart
every systole
driving you through my veins.