The prologue to this story is done in a newspaper style but the rest of the story will not be. I just needed to use newspaper articles foe the Back story. Then main story is set 15 years after these newspaper articles and it is done in a much different writing style. Harsh reviews are appreciated!
PetersVille Daily Tribune
HOSPITAL INFERNO
By Clive Baker
Tragedy struck PetersVille late last night when the private McPhearson Ward of BakerStreet hospital caught fire and erupted into an inferno. No official information has been released so as of now the number of casualties is unknown. According to witnesses the blaze began at approximately 11:30 pm and the fire brigade arrived at 11:55 pm. More on this story as it breaks.
Morning Herald
New Details Emerge On BakerStreet Incident
By Stephen Golding
Official reports of the BakerStreet Inferno have unveiled startling new details. In a joint press-conference, Police Spoke Person, Michael Cassidy and Fire-Fighter Spokes Person Sheila Davis have revealed that the estimated total casualties of the BakerStreet Incident is 50 people.
23 staff members working at the hospital at the time are confirmed deceased while the single remaining survivor is in a medically induced coma as a result of the severity of his burns. A further 27 patients and visitors are believed to have perished. Among then confirmed dead are the world famous Dr Brian McPhearson(39) and his two year old son Cade. Of the patients, single mother Clare Michaels(22) has been positively identified. However as a result of the severity of the burns positive identification has been hampered. The Police have assured the public however that an official list of the deceased is pending. Responding to a question of whether there could have been a foul play component to the incident, Sheila Davis responded “It has been confirmed that an excelerant was used as the soul source of the blaze”. The exact excelerant was not named. “This confirmation that the blaze was intentional has changed the course of the investigation.”
Michael Cassidy also revealed that “Not all of the patients had died as a result of the fire” and that a “investigation was well underway”
When asked if they had any possible suspects Mr Cassidy confirmed that “Our forensic detectives have uncovered certain evidence that must be confirmed before any new details are revealed”
In light of this new information, the town and police are anxious for only known survivor and eye witness, Edward Egan to have been inside the ward to wake from his Medical coma. Hospital orderly Edward Egan was placed in the coma to hasten his recovery but medical officials have confirmed that his condition is “Stable”. Mr Egan is expected to be woken from his medically induced coma within a week.
Evening Herald
SPECIAL EDITION
HOSPITAL OF HORRORS
REVEALED
By Nina Bryson
A week after entering his coma, Edward Egan(34) the only survivor of the BakerStreet Incident has awoken only to reveal the horrific truth behind the horrific event already be coined “The BakerStreet Massacre”.
In a statement made to investigators, Mr Egan( an orderly of the McPhearson Ward ) has revealed that the man behind the the inferno was non-other that Dr Brian McPhearson.
Dr Brian McPhearson is a physician famous for his theories on genetics and genetic diseases. Dr McPhearson is known to have a two year old son Cade by his deceased wife Annabell McPhearson.
After a short psychological assessment the police began an interview with Mr Egan.
In his detailed statement Egan confirmed suspicions of foul play associated with the incident. Lead forensic detective on the case Karl Ford claims “Mr Egans statement cohesively fits in with physical evidence obtained from the scene”
Forensics have revealed that of the 27 patients killed, 11 died from causes other than the fire including Marissa Kennedy who died as a result of scalpel wounds to the head and Clare Michaels who had entered the hospital for a routine checkup but had fallen victim to the twisted machinations of Dr McPhearson.
It is confirmed now that all victims known to have died directly at the hands of Dr McPhearson have been patients. Also discovered by forensic detectives was trace amounts of a chemical used by doctors to temporarily cause paralysis among patients.
All of this has been corroborated by Mr Egan who has given an account of that night
“It seemed like a regular night at first” claims Mr Egan “ Dr McPhearson was admitting patients as usual and but at around 10:30 I began to notice that despite the fact that he admitted new patients every few minutes none of McPhearson's patients ever left his room. I got concerned and decided to see everything was okay. So I went into his surgical room!” .” Mr Egan explained as he entered the room he was confronted by a blood bath “For a moment I just stood there staring. There was pieces of a human body like a heart and kidneys lying on the surgical table as though a person had been dissected!” Mr Egan described that he could see several bodies in the room all horribly mutilated.
Mr Egan was then struck in the head with a blunt object from behind.
“He had been hiding behind the door waiting for me!” says Mr Egan about Dr McPhearson.
Mr Egan claims that all the while Dr McPhearson was “grinning as though he was having the time of his life.”
As Mr Egan lay on the floor of Dr McPhearsons surgical room he noticed that the room smelt horribly of petrol. “Then I must have passed out because the next thing I knew I was in the hospital”
The source of the fire has been confirmed as the petrol soaked surgical room of Dr McPhearson. Also among the dead discovered in McPhearson's surgical room was Dr McPhearson himself and the body of Dr McPhearsons son, Cade(2). Cade is revealed to have died from smoke inhalation as well as burns.
Detectives now face solving the mystery of why a respected Doctor would commit such attrocities as well as the infanticide of his own son.
A official list of the dead is pending.
Chapter 1
15 Years Later........
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The newspaper clipping format is fairly familiar to this genre, as far as I know, but it's a solid start for a mystery. I look forward to seeing where you take it; the newspaper's stark contrast to prose can be interesting and I like the way you move from the local paper to, I assume, a more high profile one. The style is spot on as well. I could only suggest hyping it up even more - depends on whether you take your newspaper to be a tabloid or not, I suppose... the local paper could be noticeably more low key, and so on. In fact, looking over it again it's obvious that you've made the first report very short, as the story breaks. One step ahead of me.
I can't comment in too much detail on the subject matter as I've no idea where you're going with this, but a few punctuation errors jump out at me. I apologise if that's nitpicking somewhat.
I don't like to quote large chunks usually, but as this paragraph is a key moment in this piece (I assume, as it's the revelation moment), I thought I should highlight it. Check the speech formatting you've used here: search speech punctuation on Google and you should find some information on it. I find it hard to sort out too, so I just avoid it, which is definitely not the way to go, huh?
You mention that this is "late at night", so it would either be 11:30 p.m. or 23:30.
An excelerant? I'm not all too sure what that is... that's probably just me. One of the strong points is the language and vocabulary you use: "medically induced coma", the mention of the "short psychological assessment" and so on. "Infanticide" at the end. I could go on.
You repeat the word "pending" and I'm not sure it's the best word to use in context. Just something to look over.
However, I really think you need to check this over a few times. I could pick out a few other punctuation errors and suchlike (you capitalise some unnecessary words sometimes too), but it's the speech formatting I've mentioned because it stands out. Check it, because the technique you've chosen could work well if executed properly. All the mistakes you've made with punctuation are easy to revise, and you can always look it up if you aren't sure.