Among the Crowd

In the midst of lies,
And trying to fit in,
You can see how hard people try,
To conceal what they have within.
Conforming to the ways of what's "popular" or "right,"
You lose sight of who your true friends are,
And you're trying hard to fight,
Back the tears that you have held in for so long,
Your thoughts screaming so silent, they're loud,
No use trying to stop them now, because you know,
You've forgotten who you are among the crowd...

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
niteowl
Comment

Like Doubt said, I did see quite a bit of forced rhyming. I say don't use rhyming unless it works really well or you're trying to be silly. I really liked the idea behind it, though.

User avatar
Angel17
Comment

The Silent Aviator wrote:Wow...well written.

I agree!

Wow...well written.

User avatar
Zelalem
Comment

I really like this poem. Great Job! It has a great message, keep up the good work.

User avatar
Doubt
Review
Doubt wrote a review · Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:23 am

Ladyequine91 wrote:In the midst of lies,
And trying to fit in,
You can see how hard people try,
To conceal what they have within.
Conforming to the ways of what's "popular" or "right,"
You lose sight of who your true friends are,
And you're trying hard to fight,
Back the tears that you have held in for so long,
Your thoughts screaming so silent, they're loud,
No use trying to stop them now, because you know,
You've forgotten who you are among the crowd...


This ones good. Just a general tip; I saw some almost forced rhymes in there. Try not to force rhymes, otherwise it sounds corny. If you can't think of anything that rhymes that's not forced, it's OK not to rhyme.
Anyway. Good work.



“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu