Your words are a lie, a thread of false truths, spinning into a web of uncertainties.
Lead me to the prey, we will feast as never-to-be lovers,
and as spiders with threads of confusion.
I just can not bear it, how despite the passion
I still know the truth, how you suspect things of us both.
We are both from pasts, pasts of what we wish was just a lie.
But now our lies are in a web, still, I'm weaving them together
and while our untrue innocence may cross paths, it is nothing foreign.
We have both suffered, and I know I can change that.
You say you can help me, and we could forget.
Yet you got our threads mixed up, you denied that I was hurt,
I was hurt that you lied, despite how satirical it may be.
We will live in a blissful ignorance together as we're separated,
truly, as we pretend we are fine with our yesterdays.
We know we are not, yet I feel no less for you now than I did then.
I'm a child, aware of my mistakes.
Do not falsely accuse me of lies,
When you can not spot the truth yourself, and therefore
I vow to you in this moment everything I wish was true.
I vow to speak the false truths, and hopeful lies.
______________________________________________________
Thank you for reading my first published work on this website!
~ Lady
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141,704 Literary Works • 675,588 Reviews
Hi there
Splendid style of presentation.
I absolutely loved it.
The two friends who used to mean more then the web of lies that separates them yet holds them together.
How hurt one was by the act of other and how ignorant the other remains of this deed.
One who is hopeful yet not ready to tell the complete truth for the fear of losing the other completely.
Amazingly written.
Awesome work.
Keep up the good work.
All the best!
Hi Adreamer! Thank you so much for reviewing this! I really appreciate your input!
~Lady
Hi LadyNeko, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
First congratulations on posting your first work on YWS.
Now for the review. I like you used spiders to explain your feelings, it makes it more interesting for the reader so well done. You choice of words were good and colourful.
Now for the negatives. You use punctuation on every line and it breaks up the flow of the poem. Some of your lines are long while others are short and that also breaks up the flow. A few miner adjustments should fix those problems. Don't feel discouraged, the more you write the better you will get.
Other than that a really interesting poem and I hope to see more of you works in the future. Well done and have a great day\night.
Thank you, Felistia! This is very helpful, so I'm glad to have received your review. I promise that I will go back in and make adjustments at some point, and I will keep your comment in mind.
~Lady
I would love it if you could notify me when you post again.
I just now edited it, and I think i could have done better, but I've had a busy day with writing, so I will likely return to it later again. Hope to see more advice and constructive criticism from you in the future.
~Lady