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A Promising Future

by LadyNeko


Click.

Click click.

Click.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap.

Click. 

Click.

Click click.

Sneeze.

Bless you.

Thanks . . .

Sniffle.

Tap tap tap tap.

This is the sound of the future.

Our future leaders.

Our future friends.

Cough.

Snap.

Sigh.

As we've been told,

we will be the new generation of Americans.

Shuffle.

Crack.

Clearing throat.

Thud.

I'm sorry . . .

It's okay.

Shuffle.

Footsteps.

Silence.

We treat each other like friends.

We will always open our arms in welcoming.

There are no strangers here.

Um . . . Miss? Can I pass through?

Sure.

We treat each other like siblings.

Any face is a friendly face.

Everyone goes by a first name basis.

Our future is secure,

With everyone working together so kindly,

and with the spaces in which we learn,

so alive with energy.

Yawn.

Sniffle.

Shuffling of papers.

Pencil tapping.

Shush.

Sorry.

Silence.

I'm excited to see how the bright future will turn out.


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52 Reviews


Points: 474
Reviews: 52

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Tue Dec 15, 2015 4:49 pm
dankmemelord wrote a review...



Hello!

Praise: I love this its relatable in so many ways. The overall message of this was good. It was enjoyable to read. I love the style that you wrote this in it's unique. The story had a very nice flow to it

Grammar: I know I'm being a little nit picky but in the very few lines when people are talking you should still use quotes. Other than that there were no grammatical errors or awkward sentences.

Though I am not a poetry expert at poetry or read very much of it. I adore this and I can't wait to read and review more of your work. I hope this helped

Bye , have a nice day!




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8 Reviews


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Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:58 pm
GusG wrote a review...



Here goes my first review...


I like this, particularly the message. If our generation is one day in charge, I hope I'm somewhere remote.

Just out of interest, did you write this with a particular classroom/lesson in mind, or did you completely create it?

I like the contrast between the banal classroom noises and the upbeat, confident, inspiring parts (I take it this was meant to be ironic - it is in the humor section). There could have been more contrast though. Instead of just making the actions of the 'new generation' mundane you could have made them openly stupid by using a different setting rather than a classroom: say a Facebook conversation. A sequel maybe?

Again, though I normally prefer more classical poetry, I really like this. Thank you for writing it.




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15 Reviews


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Tue Nov 17, 2015 6:52 pm
BlackAshes wrote a review...



Heyo! Jinx here for a review! Well.. I think a review. 0.o

As said below, I'm not sure how to review this.. Hm..

Well.. I am certainly /not/ a poetry expert or enthusiast. But I can say I liked it! I think there was some irony in there - But I am not completely sure. As Biluata wrote below, I also think it should be shortened a bit, but not to where it looses its meaning or point.

Anyways, this was a horrid review. Hope to read more from you! ^-^

~Jinx~




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139 Reviews


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Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:55 pm
Biluata wrote a review...



Hiya! Luata here for a review. Like IDontKnowMaybeSo has already said, I'm not really sure how to critique this work so the majority of this review is mostly going to be singing praises.

Now whereas I am no poetry expert, I can give you the basic opinion created myself as a reader. I like the idea but I feel like it is drawn out a bit more than it needs to be. I would suggest shortening it enough to well, make it not so long, but not cut so much that it loses the meaning that you were trying to get across.

Other than that I have no other nitpicks!
Write on
~Luata




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Points: 548
Reviews: 26

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Tue Nov 17, 2015 6:10 am



Well, I was looking for something to review, but I found this instead. To be honest, I'm not really sure how to critique it... Hmm... "WHERE'S THE RAW EMOTION!?"? I kid ^^ Really, great job. It's nice to see people take a step away from the traditional side of poetry.





Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
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